


We Keep This Love in a Photograph

by osoloismyheart



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, LIKE A LOT OF ANGST, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2019-07-07 13:11:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 70,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15908934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/osoloismyheart/pseuds/osoloismyheart
Summary: Sara and Ava are as different as two people can be, so when they have two classes together senior year, they have to find a way to coexist. Sara isn't sure whether she wants to punch Ava or kiss her. Ava just thinks she's a pain in the ass. Will they be able to get along or will they clash horribly?





	1. a new year, a new beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so this is my first fic. Hopefully it doesn't suck. Let me know if I should continue it or if there's something you would like to see happen. Idk how these notes work so hopefully this is good!

“Okay everyone, please pay attention. I’m going to go over the plan for the first few weeks of school.” As Ava finished speaking, she turned around to look at everyone who had shown up for the first yearbook meeting of the year. While it was technically a class credit, the yearbook staff had a lot of freedom with how they spent their class time. However, most people usually showed up to the first meeting so they knew what was going on. This year, Ava estimated that about 30 people were in attendance. There were only a few faces that she didn’t recognize. Freshmen, she assumed. “My name is Ava Sharpe, I’m the Editor in Chief for the Star City High School Yearbook. I’m a senior this year, and I want my last year on the staff to be the best yet. That being said, I will need you all to follow my instructions and complete your assignments on time and to the best of your ability. There is no room on my staff for laziness or incompetence, so if you are not fully committed to this, please leave now.”

Ava paused, waiting for anyone to move. No one budged, but just as she was about to continue her speech, the classroom door opened. She glanced up and saw a short, blond girl trying to sneak in. Ava glared at her. She knew immediately who the girl was: Sara Lance.

Sara was an enigma, though admittedly an infuriating one. She had moved to Star City High School halfway through sophomore year and had immediately fallen in with some of the wildest kids at SCHS. She had somehow united them all into the “Legends,” as they liked to call themselves, and collectively they were a nightmare for the whole school.

Ava realized that she had been glaring at Sara for a little longer than was necessary and that Sara had stopped when she realized that everyone else had turned to look at her as well. She smirked and gave a sarcastic wave before sliding into a seat in the back of the room. She was dressed in what Ava thought might be soccer warm up clothes and looked like she had just gotten out of the shower.

Rolling her eyes, Ava continued speaking to the class. “Furthermore, as many of you know, our primary objective is to cover all events involving students at this school. We are responsible for taking pictures, writing copy, and designing the pages of the SCHS yearbook. Our advisor, Mr. Stein, will be checking in periodically to make sure we are on track, but all of your decisions and designs will go through me or my other two editors. Nora Darhk is the layout editor, which means that if you have any questions about your designs, pictures, or general visual details, ask her first. Kuasa Jiwe is our copy editor. She is in charge of making sure that anything you write in the yearbook is perfect, and I guarantee that she is smarter than all of you. Please go to them first if you have an issue, they will only involve me if it’s necessary.”

Most of the students were either nodding or looked super bored, but once she finished speaking, Sara spoke up. “And what exactly do you do? Cause it sounds like you’re just gonna sit there and do nothing while we do all the work, like some bureaucratic bullshit.”

Ava glared at Sara for the second time in as many minutes, before saying, “Well, Ms. Lance, I’m in charge of making sure you don’t screw up too badly. I have a feeling that my job will be difficult when it comes to you.”

Sara rolled her eyes and slumped back in her chair, clearly not interested in continuing to pay attention. Ava just ignored her, turning her attention back to the rest of the students. “Does anyone else have any questions?”

 

* * *

 

 

After class was over, Sara was the first one out the door. It looked like she couldn’t wait to get out of there, which Ava thought was strange since yearbook was an elective that not many people chose to be involved in.

Yet Sara had shown up almost on time.

Then again, Ava had almost given up on understanding why Sara Lance did anything. After she and her group had completely disrupted the end-of-the-year assembly sophomore year by starting a ketchup balloon fight in the gym (Ava still wasn’t sure how they had managed to get that many balloons into the gym without anyone noticing), their behavior had only grown more erratic and dangerous.

They constantly started fights, at first just with rival schools’ students at football games, but then during lunch in the cafeteria. The cafeteria workers lived in constant fear of Sara and her friends after one of them had been on the wrong end of a tray that was meant for Anthony Green’s head.

Ava was pulled from her musings by Kuasa, who reminded her that she needed to be early to her next class. Because she was on track to be valedictorian, Ava was able to be a teacher’s assistant to her favorite teacher, Dr. Bennett. A retired FBI analyst, Dr. Bennett was arguably the best teacher at SCHS. He taught all of the high-level math classes, like AP Calculus, AP Statistics, and trigonometry. He had a way of explaining complex concepts so that everyone could understand.

Ava had already finished all of the available math classes at SCHS and was taking an online Calculus II class at the big university in town, which also helped to earn her the role of TA because it meant she had a free period.

As she walked to the math wing, her thoughts returned to the blonde girl who had interrupted her beginning-of-the-year speech in yearbook. She didn’t know a lot about Sara Lance, but what she did know didn’t win the shorter girl any points with Ava. She was rude, disrespectful, and sometimes just plain mean. Ava had seen her on the soccer field the year before, and the girl was a wrecking ball. Sure, she had great technique, amazing if Ava was being honest, but her most noticeable style of play was just to knock everyone else down.

Of course, Ava would never admit that she had watched Sara play. As far as anyone else was concerned, she was only there to take pictures for the yearbook because her older brother Rip was the head coach.

Rip, whose real name was Michael, was only her half-brother, a child from her father’s previous marriage, and was a full ten years older than her. He had been the star player on the SCHS boys’ soccer team, as well as the men’s team at Star City University. He was an amazing player, having earned his nickname by ripping through any defense another team had, but in Ava’s opinion he was an even better coach.

He had gotten married a few years ago, to a beautiful woman named Gideon. He had a son named Jonas with his high school sweetheart, but they had split soon after graduation. She wanted to go away to school, but Rip had gotten a full ride to SCU. He only got to see his son on holidays and special occasions now.

For some reason, Gideon was not a huge fan of Ava. She barely spoke to Ava when they were around each other, instead giving her dirty looks or ignoring her entirely. Ava wasn’t a huge fan of the British woman, as she found her snide remarks about Ava’s family offensive and rude.

 

* * *

 

 

As Ava walked into Dr. Bennett’s classroom, she stopped just inside the doorway in shock. Sara Lance was sitting in the front row, directly in front of the teacher’s desk. She had her notebook out and looked like she actually wanted to be there. Ava literally had no idea what was happening. This class was the most advanced math class that was offered at SCHS: AP Calculus BC. Ava had no idea that Sara even knew how to _do_ math, much less knew enough to be in this particular class.

Ava began cursing under her breath because _of course_ Sara had to be in the class she was partially in charge of. Granted, she had no real authority here, but she knew that Dr. Bennett had put a lot of trust in her to allow her to assist him. She refused to let one irritating person ruin her good image.

Moving to the desk that Dr. Bennett had put in the front of the room for her to use, Ava set her backpack down and turned to look at the other students. She knew most of them. They were seniors who, like her, were advanced in most subjects, but there were two faces that stood out to her. Sara was one, obviously, but she also recognized Jefferson Jackson.

Jefferson, or Jax to his friends, was the adopted son of Mr. Stein, the yearbook advisor. He was a sophomore. Ava had talked to him a few times, but he was part of Sara’s friend group, so she mostly ignored him. It was impressive that he was in this particular class, though.

When she looked back at Sara, she had obviously seen Ava, because she was smirking at her and had one eyebrow raised.

Dr. Bennett entered the room then, and said, “Welcome to the worst class you will take at this school.” Most people groaned good naturedly in response, but Ava saw Sara tense slightly and look at Dr. Bennett with a sharp, determined look. Ava recognized the look from the few times she had seen Sara get in fights at school. The sort of look that just screamed “do your worst” at the recipient.

Dr. Bennett continued his welcome speech, “I know a lot of you from previous years, and you know me and how I operate. For those of you who haven’t had me before, all you need to know if that you get what you give in my classes. If you do the work, pay attention, and ask for help when you need it, you should come out of this with a satisfactory grade. Fail to do any of those things, and you probably won’t be happy with the outcome. If you have any questions about that, please see me after class. The only questions I want to hear during class are those that pertain to the material. My TA this year is the very talented Ava Sharpe,” at this, he motioned for Ava to stand. She did so and waved, a little awkwardly since she hated being at the center of attention, but Dr. Bennett just kept going. “Ms. Sharpe is the best student I have ever had, so if you have any questions and I’m busy, please don’t hesitate to ask her.”

Ava glanced around when he finished talking about her, having had her eyes glued to her notebook out of embarrassment. She noticed Sara had returned to smirking at her in the annoying way that she had. Something about her got under Ava’s skin in a way that no one else did. Ava couldn’t believe she had to start every day by having two classes with her. Fortunately, once Dr. Bennett got going on his lecture, the class seemed to fly by.

 

* * *

 

 

The rest of Ava’s classes that day also seemed to go by quickly, and before she knew it she was getting in her car to drive home. She checked her phone and realized she had missed a few text messages and a call from her boyfriend, Jonah. She called him back as she pulled out of the lot.

“Hey, Jonah. Sorry I missed your texts, you know I don’t use my phone during school. It’s a distraction.”

_“Yeah, and I’ve told you that that’s a stupid reason. Literally none of the teachers care and you’re already at the top of our class.”_

“That doesn’t change the fact that I won’t use it during school hours unless in an emergency. I need to have the best GPA in our class, in addition to a high SAT score, so that I get a good scholarship to Penn. I can’t afford to slack off.”

_“Aves, you don’t need to worry about college. Your mom already offered to pay for it if you ‘ll just go to the school she wants you to go to.”_

“Jonah, how many times have I told you not to call me that? I hate it. And I can’t go to Yale, they don’t have a satisfactory criminology program.”

_“Whatever, babe. I still think you should think about being a lawyer like your parents.”_

Ava cringed and hung up on him. She did not at all appreciate his use of pet names, especially when he was essentially telling her that she should abandon her lifelong dream of working for the FBI as a profiler to be a _lawyer,_ of all things. She knew that it would be the sensible thing to do, but for Ava, this was the one thing in her life that she refused to do the sensible way. While she could bear her mother’s obsessive need to control her life while she was still in high school, she knew that once she graduated she would need to be able to do things her own way. Which wouldn’t happen if she gave in to her mother’s ultimatum.

She pulled into her driveway and immediately cursed. Her mother’s car was in the driveway, which was such a rare occurrence that she was not even remotely prepared. She didn’t know why her mother was home at 3:00 pm on a Monday, but she knew that it couldn’t be good.

She hesitantly pushed open the front door, bracing herself for an explosion.

“AVA EVANGELINE SHARPE. GET IN HERE, NOW.” She winced at the volume of her mother’s voice. She walked into the kitchen, head held high, determined not to back down from whatever her mother was about to throw at her. “I’ve just been on the phone with Amanda Steele, my friend on the Yale board of trustees. She said that she hasn’t heard from you, even though I explicitly told you to call her a WEEK ago.”

“Mom, I have told you already that I am not going to go to Yale. I am going to the University of Pennsylvania to pursue a degree in criminology and ultimately work as a profiler for the FBI.” Ava could feel her neck start to flush, and she willed herself to stay strong under her mother’s withering glare.

“Well, it sounds like you have your life figured out pretty well for someone who won’t see a penny of our money if you disrespect us like that. First Michael, and now you. You’re going to break your father’s heart. All we want is what is best for you, and you’re going to throw it away for a government job.” Ava honestly wasn’t sure if her dad would even care where she went to school, but she wasn’t going to say that. She just looked down, hoping her mother would interpret that as a sign of defeat and let her leave.

“Anyway, your brother called and said that they will be by for dinner tomorrow night. I think that woman is trying to make him see reason, but I don’t know what good she thinks one dinner will do. It’s been eight years and he still won’t give up the job. Regardless, I expect you home tomorrow night and on your best behavior.”

“Mom, you know Gideon doesn’t like me. And to be honest, I don’t particularly like her either. I don’t see why we have to pretend otherwise.”

“Ava, I don’t care how you feel about it. The dinner is happening, and you will be here the whole time.” Ava’s mother glared at her, and Ava nodded.

“Yes ma’am.” She then turned and all but ran to her room.

 

* * *

 

 

When Ava got to school the next morning, she was surprised to find Sara Lance already in the yearbook room. As she entered, she noticed that Sara was looking through all of the cameras that were stored in the back closet. It looked like she was checking each one for SD cards, then turning them on and scrolling through the pictures that were on there.

“What, are you going to steal the cards? The battery? The whole camera?” Ava asked, and Sara jumped a little. She turned and looked at Ava.

“Why the hell would I do that?”

“It seems to fit your pattern of behavior, Miss Lance.” Ava said with a flat look. “At this point there are very few things I would hesitate to believe you would do.”

“Look, Sharpe, I might occasionally fight some losers or try to bring a little bit of fun to this god-awful school, but petty theft is most definitely beneath me.” If Sara was lying, she did a good job of looking offended. “For your information, I got out of practice early because Rip was being weird for some reason. He was super distracted, so I had some time to kill. I figured I might as well come see how this whole yearbook thing works.”

Ava was surprised that she got that much out of the blonde, even though it still wasn’t very much. She figured that Sara was just trying to prove that she hadn’t intended to steal anything. She also assumed that the reason Rip was so out of it was because of the upcoming dinner. “Now that you bring it up, why did you decide to join the yearbook staff anyway?”

“I don’t know why you care, but I needed another credit to graduate. I can’t take most of the upper level classes offered here, and all of the other electives that worked with my schedule have pre-reqs.” Sara looked down, like she was embarrassed to admit it. Ava guessed that she didn’t want to admit to the assumed valedictorian that she couldn’t take any of the AP classes that Ava was in or had already taken.

“Well, in any case, you’re here now, and it’s my job to make sure you don’t mess up my yearbook so much that I can’t fix it.” Ava said, annoyed that she was stuck with the school screw-up. “I don’t know what your plans are for the year, but you better not get yourself into trouble that prevents you from performing your duties as a yearbook staff member.”

“Chill, dude. I literally don’t even get caught that much.”

“Are you forgetting that time sophomore year that you got caught with Nyssa Al-Ghul under the bleachers and then you got in a fight with her girlfriend, leading to both of you getting suspended for two weeks? What about last year when you and your group of thugs stole all of the color guard uniforms and spray painted the backs of them with penises? You all got three weeks of detention. Also, don’t ever call me dude.” Ava didn’t think she could be any more annoyed with this girl.

“Okay, so maybe that happened. But this year is senior year. I’m planning on enjoying it without getting in trouble… not that I won’t be doing things you wouldn’t approve of, but I’ll make sure not to get caught. And okay, what should I call you then? Ava? Aves? Little Miss Stick-up-her-ass?”

Ava pointedly ignored her dig, and kept her face as neutral as she could, “I would prefer it if you called me by my last name. We aren’t friends, and you would do well to remember that.”

“Ms. Sharpe it is, then. You’re as annoying and awful as all of the teachers in this place so it won’t be hard to remember.” Sara rolled her eyes and placed the camera back in the bag it came from. She then brushed past Ava, making her way to the desk that she had occupied yesterday. Some more students were filtering in from the hall now, filling up the room with chatter and the smell of cafeteria coffee. Ava quickly made her way to the front of the room, ready to begin the class.

 

* * *

 

 

The day went by rather quickly, to Ava’s dismay.  She was dreading the dinner with her parents, Rip, and Gideon. She didn’t think there was any way for it to end without a screaming match or silent, burning disappointment on both sides. When she arrived home after her club meetings, she saw that the table was already set, and it smelled wonderful in the kitchen. As she entered the dining room, she could hear her father singing along to the music coming from the speakers in the corner. She recognized the song as “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman, and when she turned the corner she saw him swaying along to the melody as he stirred.

David Sharpe was Ava’s favorite person in the world. He was such a contrast to her mother that she wasn’t really sure how they ended up together in the first place, much less stayed together all these years. He was a lawyer like her mother, but he did a lot of pro bono work for low income youth, especially black and Latino kids, who couldn’t afford any representation and who were probably going to be sentenced to a punishment that was way too severe for the crime. His other clients were fairly wealthy, so he was able to continue doing both, especially since Ava’s mother only represented clients from Star City’s richest one percent.

Ava loved how much her dad cared about people in the city, and she hoped that one day she could do something to help people like he did, even though she didn’t want to be a lawyer. She wanted to be able to solve crimes and catch criminals so that people could feel safer in the city.

When her dad finally noticed her, he turned around fully and smiled widely, his arms opening, “Ava, honey, I’m so glad you’re home. Come ‘ere.” She went and hugged him, relishing the warm embrace after a long day of stressing about that evening.

“Hi Dad, how was work?”

“Oh, you know, same old same old. I was talking to that one kid Behrad whose trial is coming up next week about how his older sister is on the soccer team at your school and he said there’s a game on Friday. Are you going to take pictures for the yearbook?” David had turned back around to keep stirring whatever was in the pan on the stove, so he didn’t have a chance to see Ava’s face darken at the mention of the girls’ soccer team. She started thinking about the argument she had earlier with Sara and how infuriating the other girl had been.

“I don’t know Dad, I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”

“Why not? I know Rip likes to see you there. I know that you aren’t on the best terms with Gideon, but it’s kind of your job anyway, so I figured you would be there.”

“It’s not about Gideon right now so much as this other girl, Sara. Sara Lance. She has been a nightmare for the whole school and this year I have to share two class periods with her. It has only been two days, but she has already pissed me off more than I even thought was possible. I usually just ignore people but something about the way that she just coasts through life not giving a damn about anyone but herself just gets on my last nerve.”

“Ava! Language!” She was surprised to hear her mother’s voice. Ava hadn’t noticed her car when she pulled up, so she must’ve arrived home only minutes after Ava herself.

“Sorry, mom.” Ava shared a look with her dad as she spoke, and he looked about as surprised as she was.

“Hello, darling. I wasn’t expecting you home so soon. How was work? Still working on that case for Malcolm?” Her dad asked as her mother walked into the kitchen. He kissed her on the cheek as she passed him to set her keys down on the counter.

Her mother sighed and ran a hand down her face, releasing a little of the tension she was holding in her shoulders. “Yes. It isn’t going at all as well as I was expecting it to, and I don’t know what the issue is. Obviously, Mr. Merlyn isn’t the most scrupulous man I’ve ever met, but he isn’t the one responsible for the latest controversy surrounding his company. I think he just has too many people who want to see him fail, and they are compiling evidence against him, even doctored evidence.”

“I’m sorry, dear. Hopefully it will be over soon.” Her dad turned back to the stove and added the mixture of herbs and spices that were laid out on the counter to the pan. “I hope that you all are happy with Cajun pasta for dinner tonight. I’m also going to make some garlic bread closer to when they arrive.”

“That sounds fine, David. I’m going to go upstairs and change.” Her mother walked out of the room, and her dad turned to her.

“I’m sorry you’re having so much trouble with that young lady, but I’m sure that she just feels threatened by you. I mean you ARE the most accomplished person at that school in the last decade at _least_. That has to make a lot of people there very jealous.” Her dad raised his eyebrows and peered over his glasses at her. She shrugged and looked down. She knew that she sometimes got a little intense about school stuff, and that it didn’t necessarily endear her to other students, especially those who didn’t know her very well.

“You’re probably right. It just sucks.” With that, she trudged out of the kitchen to change and get ready for what was probably going to be a very awkward night.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hello, Mrs. Sharpe. Here is a cake for desert tonight. Thank you for having us over.” Ava could make out Gideon’s accent floating up through the house to her room. She groaned, dreading the prospect of having to go down there and talk to her. She loved her brother and enjoyed any time she could spend with him, but she knew that Gideon didn’t care for her, which in turn made Ava resentful of the fact that she could barely spend any time with Rip without Gideon hovering around.

She rolled off of her bed, sighing heavily before beginning to move toward the stairs. When she reached the bottom, she saw her brother walking through the front door. “Rip! Hi!” She ran and jumped on him, causing him to sway before he righted himself and squeezed her back tightly.

“Hey there, killer! It’s been a while. How are you?” He set her down and looked at her expectantly. “Been busy with school stuff?”

“Rip, it’s only the second day. I’ve barely had time to learn my class schedule, much less be assigned a ton of homework.” She rolled her eyes at him before turning to walk toward the kitchen. “What about you? What have you been up to?”

“Well, soccer has started. We have a game on Friday, but it’s not going to be a hard match. The other team isn’t in our district, and they don’t have a great record the past couple of years. The girls are excited to finally stretch their legs and get some real playing in. We had two-a-days until today, but I’m giving them a few days to relax a bit before the first game.” He smirked, and Ava knew that it was because his idea of ‘relaxing’ was most people’s idea of ‘torture.’

She thought back to Monday and realized that the early morning practice had been why Sara was wearing her soccer warm-ups to class. She shook off the thought, determined not to let the blonde ruin her mood for the third time that day.

She entered the dining room and saw that the table had been set, and that her mother and Gideon were standing next to it, evidently waiting for the two siblings. Her dad joined them, carrying the dish of pasta that smelled like peppers and Cajun spices. “Dinner is served! Bon appetit.”

They all sat down and began eating, making small talk here and there, but Ava could sense a tension in the air. It was always there when her parents and Rip were in the same room. She knew that her dad had wanted Rip to follow in his footsteps and go into Harvard’s law program, but that he had quickly realized that it was never going to happen. Even if Rip hadn’t had a child his senior year, he just wasn’t built for a stuffy office job like her dad. He was an athlete and he hated sitting still. Ava was sure that he would’ve gone crazy a long time ago if he hadn’t been doing something active like coaching and teaching P.E. at SCHS.

Just as it crossed her mind, Ava’s mother spoke up. “Michael, tell us about your job this year.”

“Well, Karen, it’s the same as every year.” Rip said, annoyance written all over his face. Ava’s mother was one of the only people who insisted on not using his nickname, and he hated it. He used her first name as a sort of retaliation for that, as well as because when he met her, he was already old enough that he wouldn’t have called her ‘mom’ or anything else like that. “I’m teaching the P.E. and health classes at the high school. I’m also still the head coach for the girls’ soccer team. This year should be one of our best since I’ve been there. We have some real talent in the juniors and seniors.”

“Oh, well that’s nice, dear. Though, I bet you wish you’d have gotten a better degree, so you could have a real job like your father.” Ava should’ve been used to the abrupt, rude way her mother usually commented on things that she disapproved of, but she was still taken aback. So was Gideon, by the look on her face.

Rip just continued to look annoyed as he replied, “Actually, I can’t imagine having a job that would make me happier than the one I have. I love working with kids, especially when I get to help the ones who aren’t all that good at sports or health related activities. I feel invigorated when a teenager learns how to shoot a basketball or soccer ball for the first time. It keeps me feeling young and it brings me a lot of joy.”

Ava’s mother looked chagrined for a second, but still opened her mouth for another retort. However, Ava’s dad spoke up before she could say anything. “Okay, well, I think it’s time for dessert. I’m going to make some coffee to go with the lovely chocolate cake that Gideon made for us. Rip, why don’t you come and help me. Ava, I’m guessing you want some? Gideon?”

“No, thank you, Mr. Sharpe. It’s getting a bit late for me to be drinking caffeine.” Gideon looked like she would have liked to be the one to go with Ava’s dad when the boys had gone, and Ava’s mother rounded on Gideon.

“I can’t imagine that it’s the kind of career you would have wanted him to choose if you had been there when he was graduating college. You, at least, have a respectable vocation. Nurses are incredibly important, and I suppose if you can’t be a doctor, that’s the next best thing.” Ava wanted to sink into the floor at the withering glare Gideon sent toward her mother as she responded.

“Some of us care about things beside what will make us the most money or earn us ‘respect’ in the eyes of people like you. I happen to adore my work, and all of the kids that I see every day are the light of my life. Not to mention the girls I meet through Rip’s coaching. We love his team, and they love us. We’ve become quite close to several of them, in fact. Sara Lance and Zari Tomaz, for example, have become frequent guests of ours. They come ‘round all the- “

“Sara Lance? Daughter of Detective Quentin Lance? Isn’t he the one that… well, I’m sure you’re aware of what he did. It’s a rather unfortunate turn of events for his daughter, even if she is a bad kid. At least from what I’ve heard, getting up to all sorts of terrible things. And then there was that business with Sara and the daughter of that mafia man… disgusting, really. I can’t believe there are people like _her_ around my daughter. That Lance girl really should keep that to herself. People like that shouldn’t go around waving it in everyone’s faces. There’s no excusing her… lifestyle, even if her father did-”

“ _Excuse you?!_ He bloody well-”

“Gideon, darling, I think it’s time that we were leaving. Goodbye, Karen. Bye, dad, thanks for dinner. We will see you soon, I’m sure.” Rip had appeared in the doorway, when Gideon had started yelling. He seemed pretty set on cutting off whatever she was going to say about Sara’s dad, so Ava still wasn’t sure what had happened to him. She was intrigued, but it didn’t seem like she would be getting any answers tonight since Rip had all but swept Gideon out the door, and Ava wasn’t interested in asking her mother anything at the moment. She quietly helped her dad clear the table, and then headed upstairs to get ready for bed.


	2. photographs and memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn a little bit more about Sara and her past.

Wednesday morning, Sara walked into school feeling more rested than she had in a while. Two-a-days had ended yesterday, so she got to sleep until 7 for the first time in weeks. Normally she liked being out of the house before Jeff got home, but today she was just grateful for the extra sleep.

Jeff, her mom’s boyfriend, worked third shift at Star City University as a janitor, so he usually got to the house around 7. Sara didn’t like him at all. She knew her mom really loved him, and she was grateful that he had helped her mom through the past couple of years. Because of that, she didn’t ever say anything about his behavior, which was abusive. He hadn’t hit her yet, but he had come close. She knew that he was the only reason they had a solid place to live, but he was still an awful person as far as Sara was concerned.

She pushed open the door to her first period of the day, and her mood immediately got worse. She couldn’t believe she had to start every day with Ava _freaking_ Sharpe. Sara really couldn’t stand her.

Sure, she had eyes. Ava was hot. That didn’t mean she had to _like_ her.

Sara huffed, silently cursing the fact that she had to take this class. She would have much preferred to take AP Chemistry, but it didn’t fit into her schedule. Instead, she was stuck with the most insufferable girl she had ever met. Ava Sharpe was the opposite of Sara in pretty much every way. She was snobbish, arrogant, rich, and the hugest teacher’s pet ever. Sara had somehow gotten on the tall girl’s bad side within days of starting at SCHS, and she had hated Sara ever since.

As Ava looked up and then glared at her, Sara was reminded of the fact that Ava had some of the prettiest blue eyes she had ever seen. She also remembered how scary Ava was when she was pissed off, something that happened a lot when Sara was around.

It probably didn’t help things between them that one of Sara’s favorite things was to press Ava’s buttons to see how long it would take for her to snap at Sara. It never took very much, mostly because Ava always seemed a little on edge around Sara anyway.  A wink, smirk, or snarky comment was usually enough to do it, but Sara enjoyed it a lot.

“Hey there, Ms. Sharpe. You’re looking snazzy today. Special occasion?” Sara smirked at Ava, looking her up and down. Ava was dressed in tight jeans, a soft blue button down, and a dark brown blazer. Sara had to admit that she actually did look really good, even if she only said it to get a rise out of Ava.

“Sit down, Ms. Lance. I don’t have time for your attempts at humor today.” Ava glared at Sara over the top of the few people who had already gotten to class. It looked like she was clicking through something on the computer at the front of the class. Sara rolled her eyes once Ava had looked away and took her usual seat in the back of the room. She smiled at Kuasa when she came in.

Kuasa was pretty much the only person Ava hung out with who Sara liked. Her cousin Amaya was one of Sara’s best friends, so Sara had spent quite a bit of time around them. She had even attended a few of Kuasa’s swim meets last year since Amaya was expected to go with her family and had invited Sara along to keep from getting as bored. Sara and Kuasa had bonded over a love of martial arts, something that was apparently common in the Jiwe family.

Sara had thought about trying to hook up with Kuasa when she first met her, but didn’t because she didn’t want things to be weird with Amaya. It wouldn’t have ended up happening anyway because Kuasa already had a girlfriend, a beautiful, blonde cheerleader at their rival school named Helen. Being gay was apparently also common in that family, because Amaya had a girlfriend as well, a fiery brunette named Zari Tomaz. Zari had quickly become another of Sara’s best friends. It was that friendship that led directly to the creation of the “Legends”.

Zari was friends with a guy named Mick, who was best friends with Leonard Snart. Snart was the kind of boy that every girl’s parents warned her about and every boy secretly idolized. His dad was in jail, and he had somehow convinced a judge to emancipate him. He lived in his own apartment and had a steady job working for a shipping company. Sara didn’t know how he could afford the place he lived, but she had a sneaking suspicion that his warehouse job wasn’t the only source of income he had.

Mick was also on the football team with Jefferson Jackson before he got kicked off for lighting the other team’s equipment on fire. He was one of the most aggressive, yet effective, defensive players that SCHS had ever had, so it was a huge loss for the team. Their record went downhill pretty quickly after Mick left.

Jax had been friends with Ray Palmer since elementary school, despite the latter being two years older than him. They ended up in some of the same classes and Jax quickly grew attached to the quirky boy.

Ray was buddies with a kid named Nate Heywood, a transfer student who started hanging out with the Legends junior year.

Together, they were the wildest bunch of kids at SCHS, something that Sara was very proud of.

When she got to SCHS, she had looked for a way to stand out, to get everyone’s attention in a way that they couldn’t ever ignore. She started with a few small pranks, which her new friends helped with. It escalated into some more serious stuff that got Sara into some pretty deep trouble.

Still, though, nothing could get her mom to pay attention to her for more than a couple of days. Sara considered trying to do worse in her classes, but she was still holding out hope that she could make into a good college and get out of that hellhole of a city. She just resented the fact that her mom didn’t care enough about her to even get angry when she found out about all of the stuff that Sara had done. It was like after Laurel- but no. Sara stopped herself. She wouldn’t- couldn’t- go there.

She tried to make herself focus on what was going on in the front of the class. The bell had rung about a minute ago, and everyone was finally settling into their seats.

“Okay everyone, so today we’re going to learn about how shutter speed and aperture affect the quality of your photos. For the most part, you will all be using the automatic setting on the cameras, but if you want to really learn how to take good photos, you should know…” and Sara zoned back out, Ava’s voice turning into a buzzing in her ears.

 

* * *

 

 

Sara flashed back to when she was nine, watching her dad fiddle with his old camera. He had been trying to explain to her how the lenses worked, using really simple terms for any of the physics that Sara could understand.

Sara interrupted him. “Daddy?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Why do you take pictures? I mean, what’s the point?”

Quentin had smiled at her, fatherly affection written all over his face. “Well, Sara, I take pictures of things that I love so I can always have them with me. I take pictures of you and your sister and your mom because sometimes you’re not around and I just want to think about how much I love you all. I take pictures of places I’ve been because I want to remember how I felt when I was there. Why don’t you take a picture of me so that way when I’m not with you, you can have a reminder of how much I love you.”

“But Daddy, you’re always gonna be here.” Sara looked at him, confused and sad that he said he wouldn’t be there someday.

“I’ll be here as long as I can, baby. But someday you’re going to grow up and move away and I’m not going to be able to be with you all the time.” His eyes got a little wet when he said that, and Sara threw her little arms around his neck.

“No, Daddy! I always want to be where you are.” He wrapped her up and squeezed.

“I know, sweetheart, I know.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Sara? Hey, Sara.” A hand was gently shaking her shoulder, and the yearbook room came back into focus. Ava was standing in front of her, eyes narrowed in what looked a lot like concern. Sara shook her head, sure she was seeing things. “Hey, you seemed kind of out of it for most of class. Are you okay?”

“What, you’re not going to yell at me for not paying attention?” Sara rolled her eyes, trying to keep Ava from seeing how rattled she was by the memory. She stood up quickly, grabbed her bag, and hurried toward the door.

“You do remember that we have next period together too, right?” Ava called after her, but Sara was already in the hallway.

Her dad’s voice was still ringing in her ears as she walked quickly down the hall. Her eyes burned as she tried to keep herself from losing it in front of so many people. She pulled out her phone and texted Amaya.

_9:05 am:_

library. asap

_9:05 am_

i’ll be there. u okay?

_9:06 am:_

no

**Read** Wednesday

 

 

* * *

 

 

The quiet of the library was like sinking under water. All of the noise of the rest of the school just fell away and reality shifted just a little bit. The librarian, Mr. West, took no shit from any of the students at SCHS. He did, however have a soft spot for Sara. He had been good friends with her dad for a long time and let her sit in here sometimes when she couldn’t handle going to class. It hadn’t happened as much recently, but something about yearbook had triggered Sara’s emotions to the point that she couldn’t even think about going to AP Calc.

Sara waved to the imposing man but shook her head when he raised an eyebrow. It usually meant ‘ _wanna talk about it?_ ’ but today she didn’t think she could with him.

She made her way toward the very back of the large room. There was another, smaller room that used to be used for studying. The only problem with that was that there weren’t any windows in the door or wall. Kids started going in there to hook up, and after Mr. West caught the fifth couple in there, he locked it permanently. The only people who had keys were Mr. West, the janitorial staff, and Sara.

Mr. West had given them to her after a particularly horrible day her junior year. He found her in one of the rows of books having a panic attack, and quickly helped her into the back room so she could calm down. After that, he made sure that she always had access to the room if she needed it.  

Sara unlocked the door, turned on the lights, and set her backpack down wearily. Her whole body felt heavy. It usually did after she had one of _those_ memories about her dad. The ones where he was happy and nice and… Sara only realized she was gasping for air when she felt Amaya put her hand on her chest and heard her soothing voice. “You’re okay, Sara. Just breathe. You’re going to be okay.”

She refocused her eyes on Amaya. It was hard, but she managed after a few seconds. Amaya was looking at her with such heavy concern that Sara almost wished she was alone. Almost, but she didn’t because she knew that Amaya was the best at calming her down after one of her panic attacks. “I’m fine, Amaya. I mean, I’m not. But it’s not a big deal.”

“Sara, don’t do that. I know it was really bad this time because Kuasa texted me during last period saying that you looked dazed and like you weren’t really there. What was it this time? Your dad or… her?” Sara flinched at Amaya’s last word. Thinking about her dad was bad enough without thinking about her sister too.

“It was just my dad. It was when I was in elementary school. We were talking about pictures and he told me to take one of him in case he wasn’t around and I wanted to see him and remember how much I loved him. At the time I thought it was stupid to think that he would ever leave but now it’s real and I can’t take it. I miss him so much.”

“I know you do, babe. I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling. I know it’s coming up on three years since Laurel, so if there’s anything I can do to help please tell me. I don’t want you to feel like you have to do it alone. I know your mom won’t be much help, so my house is always open to you.”

“Thanks, Amaya. I might have to take you up on that depending on how things are with Jeff.”

Amaya grimaced. “Is it still bad with him?”

“Yeah, it’s getting to the point that I’m considering trying to move out. I don’t know what I would do, though. It’s not like I have money. I don’t even have a job right now.” Sara dropped her head into her hands, suddenly even more overwhelmed than before. Amaya wrapped a comforting arm around her but said nothing. Sara knew that Amaya was someone who chose her words carefully, so when she decided to comment, it would be something Sara should listen to. For now, though, she just appreciated Amaya being there for her.

 

* * *

 

 

As Sara made her way out of the high school after her last class, she felt her phone buzz a few times in quick succession. When she checked it, she saw that Rip had texted her.

_3:10 pm_

_Are you okay?_

_3:10 pm_

_Zari told me that Amaya said you had a bit of a rough morning._

_3:12 pm_

_You know if you need to talk my place is always open. I think Gideon is making lasagna for dinner tonight if you want to hang out._

 

Sara considered ignoring his texts, but the thought of going home right now made her want to cry. She couldn’t stand the verbal harassment that she knew was waiting for her if she ran into Jeff. She shifted her bag a little higher on her shoulder and started walking toward the gym offices where she knew Rip would be watching film and going through plays. She wasn’t really paying attention to anyone else in the hall, so she was startled when she bumped into someone coming out of the gym doors.

“Ow! What the- ugh. Hello Ms. Lance. You really should watch where you’re going. There are other people in this school besides yourself, you know.” Sara barely registered Ava’s exasperated look. Her head hurt, and she was just trying to get somewhere where she could let go of a little bit of the sadness she had been carrying since yearbook.

“Oh. Sorry.” Sara looked down at the floor. She started walking past Ava, but before she could get to the door, Ava grabbed her arm and pulled her back a little bit.

“Hey, are you okay? You’ve been weird all day and… well, it seems like there’s something going on with you. You didn’t even say anything snarky just now.”

“No. I’m good. Sorry for running into you.” Sara glanced up at Ava as she spoke, but then dropped her gaze again. She could feel the emotions rising, but she knew that Ava was watching her, and she couldn’t cry in front of her. That would be the worst. She turned around again and felt Ava’s hand slip off of her arm. She walked as quickly as she could past the athletic director’s office and into Rip’s.

“Oh hey, Sara. You doing okay?” Rip paused the film of the Central City game he was taking notes on and turned toward Sara. She could feel her throat closing, so she just shook her head emphatically. He stood up and pulled her into a tight hug. “Okay, let’s get out of here then, yeah? We’ll get you a nice cup of tea when we get home and we can talk.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Sara! I missed you! Hello, darling.” Gideon wrapped her arms around Sara and greeted both her and Rip as they walked through the door. Sara guessed that Rip had texted her to let her know that something was going on, because while she and Gideon got on really well, Gideon wasn’t usually that affectionate.

“Gideon, I saw you last week. It was like five days ago.” Sara rolled her eyes as the normally very proper woman kissed her on the cheek enthusiastically.

“Maybe so, but I missed you nevertheless. I’m glad you’re here! I’m making lasagna for dinner so please stay. We always have so much left over. Can I get you a cup of tea or coffee?”

“Can we both get some chamomile please, love?” Sara nodded along as Rip spoke, happy that she didn’t have to talk a whole lot just yet.

As Gideon busied herself in the kitchen, Rip and Sara made their way to the living room. Sara dropped her backpack by the tv stand and sunk into the cozy sectional. She could feel her eyes start to water, and finally let the tears fall. She heard Rip moving around the room before sitting next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into his side. He dropped a tissue box on her lap and they sat there, Sara crying into his shoulder, until they heard the kettle start whistling. They could hear Gideon opening and shutting a few cabinets before she came into the room with three cups full of tea. She set them on the coffee table and then joined them on the couch on the other side of Sara, her arm also going around Sara’s back and squeezing her comfortingly.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Rip asked gently. He moved away a little, leaving Sara wrapped in Gideon’s arms. Sara looked up at him as she wiped her eyes with a tissue.

“I need to, but it sucks. I hate feeling like this after so long. Like, I know that there’s not really a time limit on being sad about this shit, but I don’t think I should still feel so angry. Laurel is dead, and I can’t change that. My dad is dead, and I can’t change that either. The man who is responsible is still out there somewhere, and there’s nothing I can do to make him feel any of the pain that I’m feeling. I just don’t know what to do, ya know?” Sara had been looking at Rip while she spoke, but the look he was giving her was so pitying that she had to look away.

She hated when people looked at her like that, which was why she had only ever told a few people about her past. She knew that some people had heard about it because they had connections to her parents, but she tried to avoid people knowing. Amaya knew, of course, and Zari, but the rest of the Legends just thought she moved because her mom got a new job in Star City. She couldn’t stand the looks and the whispers, which was one of the reasons she had been so eager to get out of her old school.

“I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but you always have the option to talk to a professional about this. They could help you out a lot more than we can. Not that we don’t want you to talk to us! Nothing like that, just… we can only do so much to help you and I hate that.” Gideon’s voice drew Sara’s attention again and she gave Gideon a small smile.

“I know, G. I know you guys are doing your best and I love you for it. I just can’t afford a therapist right now. I can barely afford to play soccer this year, and that takes priority. It’s the only way I’m going to get out of this place when I graduate.”

“That’s not true, though! You’re so bloody smart you could go to university anywhere you applied.” Gideon grabbed Sara’s hand and squeezed as she spoke. “Your marks sophomore year were rather tragic, to be fair, but you’ve pulled yourself back up and you’ve taken more AP classes than anyone else at SCHS.”

“Actually, I’m behind by two AP classes. Ava has technically taken twelve since she passed both of the Calculus tests and Physics tests in the same year.” Sara smirked a little. Rip and his sister were so different that if she didn’t know they were related she would’ve laughed in someone’s face if they had suggested it.

“Oh, well that little brat is going to be just fine no matter what she does. She couldn’t do anything wrong in her mum’s eyes if she tried.” Gideon rolled her eyes at the thought. Sara knew she didn’t like Ava very much, not that she could blame her. Gideon didn’t like that Rip had taken so much heat from his dad, and by extension Ava’s mom, for his decision to stay at Star City High School and coach. She resented the fact that Ava was the favorite now, probably more than Rip did.

“Anyway, Sara, I think the point that my darling wife is trying to make is that soccer isn’t the only thing that’s going to get you into college. You have a lot more going for you than just your skill on the field. I know my sister might be beating you as far as AP classes go, but you’ve gotten excellent scores on your standardized tests and you know you can count on me for a glowing letter of recommendation. That’s not to say I want you to give up soccer, I just don’t want you to have to hold all of this inside you all the time. You need to be able to get all of it out with someone who can offer legitimate advice.” Rip’s eyes searched her face, but evidently didn’t find what they were looking for. He sighed and said, “Look, please just think about it. I think it would really help.”

“I can do that,” Sara said, a small grin forming on her face.

“Right, well, it’s time for dinner. Will you come help me set the table please, Sara?” Gideon stood, holding her hand out to Sara as she gestured toward the dining room. “After dinner we can catch up on that cop show that you love so much.”

At the mention of Brooklyn 99, Sara’s face lit up and she hopped up to join Gideon. “Sure thing, G. And can we have ice cream later too?”

“Whatever you want, kiddo. Whatever you want.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took forever to get this written, but I'm writing the rest of this for NaNoWriMo. Hopefully that will keep me motivated and I'll update sooner this time.


	3. just another picture to burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava overhears something she shouldn't have, and learns some things about the people closest to her that she would rather not know.

Once first period begins on Thursday, Ava forgets to be concerned about Sara Lance. She had been a little worried the day before after noticing how off the other girl had been, first in yearbook and then when she bumped into her as she left the gym. Today, however, Ava doesn’t have time to be worried about anyone but herself. She knew when she accepted the Editor in Chief position for yearbook that it would keep her even busier than usual, but she hadn’t expected it to start quite this soon.

To be fair, the pressure she was feeling now was pressure that she had put on herself. She was the one who sat down with Mr. Stein and decided the schedule for assigning pages and when they were due. She knew from past experiences that if the editor didn’t stay on top of due dates and spread them throughout the year properly then they would all be putting in a lot of extra time at the end of the year. That was why she had decided that the intro pages, as well as one of the features, needed to be complete by the end of next week. The only problem was that she was having trouble finding someone to do the feature. The high school drama club was going to have a one-page spread featuring their fall competition piece, Emotional Baggage.

Ava knew that the introduction pages wouldn’t be difficult, so she assigned them to some of the sophomores. They had never been in yearbook before, but all they really had to do for those pages was confirm the name and address and take pictures of the front of the school.

The real trouble was making sure everything with the drama club went well. They had been practicing all summer, and they had a dress rehearsal next Tuesday. Their competition was in three weeks, so Ava had to make sure that there were pictures taken and quotes gotten from the members before their big show.

After class went by in a blur of assigning fall sports, clubs, and events to the yearbook members, Ava pulled Kuasa aside to talk about the feature.

“I know you can’t go because of swim practice, but do you know of any of the new members who you would trust to do it correctly? I’ve already asked all of the returning members about going next Tuesday, but they either have prior commitments or they’re in drama club, so they can’t since they will be performing.” Ava was at a loss as to what to do. She would go herself, but she had an important meeting planned with a Penn graduate that afternoon and she couldn’t reschedule it.

Kuasa shook her head and said, “No, I’m sorry. I don’t know any of them very well and they’re all super new. I don’t even think some of them had even held a camera before Monday. I definitely wouldn’t trust them with something this important. Maybe I can skip swim practice this once? I can ask my coach.”

“No need, ladies. I can do it. I don’t have plans.” Ava startled at the voice. By then she was sure that everyone else had left the room. She had to hold back a groan when she realized who had spoken. Sara Lance. Of course. Like she wasn’t already stressed enough.

“Not that I doubt your lack of plans, given that you only hang out with the same three people, but I don’t think you would be able to do it. This feature requires someone with an artistic eye, and I don’t think that person is you. No offense.” Ava said, sharply, offense implied with every word.

“Well, Ms. Sharpe, no offense to you, but you don’t actually know me. Look, you’re desperate, and I happen to love theatre. Just let me take some pictures and write stuff down and get on with it.” Sara’s arms were crossed as she glared at Ava defiantly.

Ava still wasn’t convinced. Sure, Sara might like theatre, but that didn’t mean she was good with a camera. Taking quality pictures required a lot more skill than most people realized. The auto setting only gets a person so far.

Kuasa spoke up before Ava could respond. “Honestly, Ava, just let her do it. I’ve seen her take pictures and she’s not bad. Neither of us can do it, and this way at least it won’t be a clueless sophomore.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Kuasa,” Sara said, sarcastically.

“Fine, Ms. Lance. I suppose you can take care of this. However, let me warn you: if you screw this up, I will not let you go on any more yearbook assignments alone. Though it would be painful for me as well, I will accompany you on any future assignments if this one isn’t up to my standard.” Ava looked at Sara with what she hoped was a threatening glare. She really couldn’t afford for this first feature to be a failure, and it was killing her that she was being forced to leave it in the hands of Sara Lance.

Sara rolled her eyes dismissively, and said, “Yeah, whatever. You know you just can’t stay away from me.” She winked at Ava.

“Ugh, no, gross. I have a boyfriend. I’m not- I would never.” She glared at Sara, who was now regarding her cautiously.

“Ummm, okay, no need to get weird,” Sara said. “But whatever, I’ll be by to get the camera on Tuesday after seventh period.”

“Fine, just don’t do anything stupid like break it,” Ava bit out, already regretting giving in to Sara.

 

* * *

 

 

After the stress of Thursday, Ava was prepared for the week to be over. However, when she was halfway through classes on Friday, she got a text from Rip confirming that she was still coming to the game that night. Shit. She had forgotten about that. She had been planning on having a quiet night and maybe finishing the mystery novel she had been reading. Now, not only was she going to have to go and sit through a whole soccer game, but she would also have to see Sara. Ava was sure she could at least avoid speaking to the blonde girl, but Sara would likely be on the field the whole time.

By the time seventh period rolled around, Ava was very ready to be out of class. There were still several hours until the game was set to start, but Ava still had some things she wanted to work on for yearbook. She went to the library and set up her laptop and notebook on one of the small tables. She had barely begun to take some notes on the style changes she would like to discuss with Nora when she heard a familiar voice.

“… I don’t know, Joe. I mean, I guess it’s probably just that time of year, ya know? It’s always like this. I really just can’t believe she’s been gone for three years. I always thought that Laurel would be off at college somewhere far away, getting a law degree or starting a nonprofit. Something important, ya know? But now it’s just like… I don’t know. Sometimes it’s like nothing is important anymore. Like nothing I do matters because she will never get the chance to do all of the stuff that we all knew she was meant to do.” Ava heard Sara’s voice crack and some soft sobs.

“Look kiddo, I can’t pretend to know exactly how you feel, but I know that you loved your sister a hell of a lot. I know that you probably feel directionless sometimes because I know how important she was to you as a role model. But Sara, you’re special too. You can do so much, you just can’t give up now. Give yourself a chance to move away and experience life somewhere else. Sometimes getting away is all it takes to grow and make the most of yourself.”

“That’s the thing, Joe… I don’t feel like I deserve to. Laurel was always the good one. She was the one that everyone knew was going to make a difference, and I can’t help but think that it would have been better if I had been the one to be killed instead of her.” Ava didn’t hear if Joe responded to that because she was reeling from the revelation. Sara’s sister had been killed? How? Why? “I know, I know, that kind of thinking isn’t good for me. I just can’t help it.”

“Look Sara, all I can say is that you have a bright future. Please don’t waste it on regret. I’ve seen too many people give up on moving forward because they were so stuck in the past and stuck on blaming themselves for things they would’ve been better off letting go of.”

“Yeah. Thanks, Joe.”

“Love you, kiddo.”

Ava heard Sara trudge out of the library, but she was frozen to the spot. She didn’t want Sara to know that she had overheard what was very clearly a private conversation. However, she didn’t remain undiscovered for very long. Mr. West, the librarian, came shuffling around the corner of the bookcase that had concealed Ava. He stopped when he saw her, and she could tell that he wasn’t sure whether or not to bring up what she had obviously just overheard.

“Oh, um, hello Ms. Sharpe. How much… how much of that did you hear?” He looked distinctly uncomfortable, and she was quick to reassure him.

“I heard enough to know I shouldn’t mention it to anyone, especially Sara,” Ava said. Mr. West looked relieved.

“Thank you. It’s a tough time of the year for her, and I would hate for anything personal of hers to get around the school. Sara is a very private person, so I appreciate you keeping what you heard to yourself.” He then turned and walked back around the corner of the bookshelf.

Ava settled back in to writing notes, but she couldn’t keep her mind from wandering to the new information she had about the enigma that was Sara Lance.

 

* * *

 

 

When Ava arrived at the soccer field later that evening, the stands were already fairly packed. For some reason, though Ava suspected she knew the answer, the girls’ games never drew quite the same crowd as the boys’ games. She thought it was dumb since the girls had a much more impressive record, especially since Rip started coaching them, but they still had a pretty large following. Some of the spectators were family members and teachers, but a good number were other students. Most of the boys’ team came when they didn’t have games, and they brought their friends. Ava suspected that some of them came regularly for reasons other than soccer, but honestly, she wasn’t sure why they thought they were good enough for the players on the girls’ team.

Plus, a lot of the girls were gay, so that didn’t help their chances.

As Ava sat down in the bleachers, she saw the team start to walk onto the field from the locker room. She waved at Rip when he looked for her in the stands, and at Kuasa when she caught her attention. The team did a quick huddle before the starters lined up to walk onto the field. Sara, since she was the captain, was between the referee and the keeper, another senior named Cassandra.

As the game began, Ava remembered that the primary reason she was there was to take pictures for the yearbook. She pulled out her camera and snapped some photos of the opening minutes, mostly just trying to get pictures of all of the SCHS players on the field. She didn’t know very much about soccer, but from what she could tell, it looked like SCHS was doing pretty well so far. They kept the ball away from the other team for the most part, and they had almost scored a couple of times. However, the other team’s keeper was doing a very good job, and there were a few people sitting behind and to the left of Ava who kept cheering every time she made a save.     

“Woo!! Go, Sam! Nice catch!” Ava turned and saw a blonde girl she could only describe as the complete embodiment of a puppy. She was clapping and cheering with a massive smile on her face, the kind of smile that would warm you from head to toe if it was directed at you. She was sitting between two other girls, a short Latina who was cracking up at her enthusiasm and a pale, raven haired girl who was looking at the blonde girl like she had put the stars in the sky.

All three of them were unfairly gorgeous, and Ava found herself staring at them until the pretty Latina stood up and yelled, “Yeah, Danvers! Get it! That’s my girl!” Ava heard the groans from the SCHS supporters moments later and looked back to the field in time to see a girl with short, red hair running back from the SCHS goal to crash into her teammates for a group hug.

Ava saw Cass, the SCHS keeper, shaking her head in defeat as she rolled the ball back toward midfield. While the National City team celebrated (because that’s who they were playing according to the announcer), Sara ran back toward Cass. Ava could see her grab the keeper’s shoulders as Cass hung her head. She appeared to be giving Cass some sort of pep talk, because Ava could see the confidence gradually returning to her as Sara spoke. Then, Sara patted her on the shoulder, gave her gloved hand a fist bump, and turned to sprint back to her spot next to the ball.

The game resumed, and Ava could tell that SCHS, and Sara in particular, were playing with a lot more urgency. Their passes were quicker, and they were running faster, but they couldn’t quite get anything past the NCHS keeper. She deflected or caught everything Sara and the other forward shot at her, no matter how many balls Kuasa passed to them. Ava could feel the tension rising as the game’s first half drew to a close.

Finally, when there were only about two minutes left on the clock, SCHS got a corner kick. Kuasa went to the corner flag to take the kick, and the rest of the players gathered in the box. Kuasa sent a beautiful ball right to where Sara was standing, and Sara headed it into the goal. The SCHS crowd went wild, and the players on the field crowded around Sara for high fives and hugs.

Sara ran over to the sideline near the bench where Rip was waiting. She grinned widely at him, and when he was finished giving her instructions she gave him two thumbs up before running back to get into position.

The whistle for halftime was blown soon after that goal, and the teams filed off the field into the locker rooms. The noise from the crowd picked up as people started moving around, some going to get food at the concession stand, some recapping the first half of the game, and some just chatting. Ava saw the puppy girl walking toward the concessions, and then heard one of the other two (A quick glance confirmed that it was the short Latina girl) ask the other, “Lena. Dude. When are you going to pull your head out of your ass and ask Kara out?”

“Shh, Maggie! It’s not like that!” Ava couldn’t see the look on Maggie’s face, since she was turned toward Lena, but she would imagine that it was similar disbelief to her own. She had seen the way Lena looked at the adorable girl, Kara, and she could see the current look of panic on Lena’s face.

“Bullshit, Luthor.” Oh, so that was Lena Luthor. Ava had heard her name mentioned as being one of the brightest young minds in the Midwest. Fortunately, she was a junior, so Ava wouldn’t have to compete with her for scholarships and college acceptance.

“I’ve seen the way you look at her. It’s the same way I look at Alex. It’s like they can do no wrong. I’m also in love with a Danvers. I get it.”

“What!? In lo- no. Even if I did have a crush on Kara- which I’m not saying I do- it wouldn’t matter. She doesn’t feel the same way.” Lena looked so sad as she spoke, Ava could almost feel her pain. Almost, but she didn’t think she had ever felt that strongly about anyone. Sure, she had a few crushes on boys in middle school, and she was currently dating Jonah Hex, but she mostly just wanted to be friends with them after a while.

Truthfully, she was only dating Jonah because he had asked her to go to prom with him at the end of last year and they had kept hanging out during the summer. Her mother definitely approved; Jonah was the captain of the baseball team and had already accepted a full ride scholarship at UCLA. Ava didn’t really expect their relationship to last past graduation, but she was strangely okay with that.

Maggie spoke again, pulling Ava from her thoughts. “Lena, are you blind? She looks at you like you just brought her an extra-large order of potstickers, and we all know how obsessed with those she is.”

“She looks at everyone like that. That’s just who she is Maggie. And anyway, she has a crush on Mike. That senior on the basketball team? He’s been flirting with her for months and everyone knows he’s going to ask her to the winter dance. I just can’t measure up. I don’t even know if she’s into girls. I don’t want to screw up and ruin-” But then Kara was back with food and Lena shut up immediately. The cheerful girl sat down between them, completely unaware of what she had just interrupted.

As everyone was getting settled back in their seats, Ava saw the first of the soccer players making their way back onto the field. As she raised her camera to get some shots of the players, she realized that she hadn’t actually taken any of the first half past the point where Maggie’s girlfriend had scored. She must have gotten distracted by the game. Weird.

This half, Ava made sure to take extra pictures to make up for the ones she had missed. It was a pretty tense game, neither side considering any goals. Ava got so many shots of Sara shooting that she was sure some of them would turn out looking like copies. The noise from the stands increased every time Sara shot and Ava was starting to think that the game would end in a tie, but finally, in the last 10 minutes of the game, Sara was pulled down in a dirty foul by one of the other team’s defenders. According to Rip, if there’s a foul inside the box, the team who was fouled gets a penalty kick. So now, it was just Sara versus the NCHS keeper, Sam. Sara lined up the ball on the painted mark and stepped back.

Ava remembered to raise her camera just in time and caught the moment the ball slammed into the back of the net. She also caught the expression on Sara’s face when she turned back toward her team to celebrate. Pure exhilaration.

The last few minutes of the game went by quickly, and then it was over. The NCHS players shuffled off the field dejectedly, and all of the supporters started exiting the stands. Ava made her way down to where Rip was standing, talking excitedly to Sara about her late goal. As she approached them, Sara lifted the front of her shirt up to wipe the sweat off of her face, and Ava was met with a clear view of very defined abs and lots of freckles. Seriously, why did the assholes always have the best bodies? Ava wished she could have abs that nice, but she was more of a lean muscle kind of girl. She would always choose long distance running over working out in a gym. When Sara let go of her shirt, she spotted Ava walking toward them.

“Hey there, Ms. Sharpe. Nice of you to join us. Enjoy the game? I mean obviously you did since I scored twice, but hopefully the rest of it was up to your standards. Can’t have you deciding we aren’t worth being in the yearbook. Especially since we’re going to WIN STATE THIS YEAR!” She said the last few words loud enough for the rest of the team to hear. They all cheered and high-fived Sara some more as they made their way past her to get their stuff from the locker room.

Ava finally spoke up, “It was decent. Kind of tense, though. Maybe you should work on that for next time. You know, actually score on more than one out of every twenty shots you take? Just a thought, Ms. Lance.” Sara rolled her eyes and groaned.

“God you’re annoying. Whatever, I’m going to take a shower. See you on Monday, Rip.” Sara turned and walked into the locker room, and Ava was left standing with Rip.

“Hey, killer! I know you have to be snarky with Sara for whatever reason, but did you actually like the game or what? Tell me what you thought.” Rip grinned at her and Ava groaned.

“Rip, you know I don’t actually know anything about soccer, right? I’m not really the person you should be asking about this.”

“That’s exactly why I’m asking you! You don’t know any of the technical terms, so you can just give me your real opinion without any of the boring stuff.” Ava smiled at Rip’s ability to immediately put everyone around him at ease. Except her mother. She wouldn’t know what ‘at ease’ was if it smacked her in the face.

“Well, to be honest, it seemed like your girls were pretty on top of it. Everyone seemed to connect well, especially Kuasa with Sara and that other forward. They all played off of each other really nicely I think.”

“Perfect,” Rip said, still grinning. “How about we continue this conversation over ice cream? I’ve been craving some cookie dough chip since Tuesday. It’s not a school night so your mom can’t get too mad that I kidnapped you. What do you think?”

“Sure, Rip. Ice cream sounds great.”

 

* * *

 

 

When Ava got home that night, her mother was still awake and sitting in the living room reading what looked like a brief. Of course. There was never a night off for her. She lifted her head at the sound of the door shutting behind Ava.

“Hello, dear. How was the soccer game?” Ava’s mother suddenly glanced at the clock on the wall behind Ava and her eyes widened significantly. “Is that really the time!? I thought the game would’ve been over hours ago. Where have you been?”

“I went to Grey’s with Rip after. He wanted to hang out and it’s Friday night, so it’s not like I have school tomorrow.” Ava knew that her mother would be annoyed that she hadn’t texted, but since she was just with Rip it would be fine.

“I thought Friday nights in high school were for parties or dates? Why didn’t you go out with Jonah after the game? You only have so much time before you’re on opposite sides of the country, after all.” Ava’s mother looked at her disapprovingly.

“He was hanging out with his teammates tonight,” Ava said, not knowing if that was true or not since she hadn’t bothered to check. “And to answer your question about the game, it was good. They won 2-1 and Sara Lance scored both of the goals. I think Rip has really done a great-” but Ava’s mother cut her off, a dark look in her eyes.

“Sara Lance? You should stay away from that girl, Ava. She’s no good. I know your brother only has so much say over the girls on his team, but I will never understand why Michael allows that one to get away with so much.”

“What are you talking about?” Ava asked. “Get away with what?”

“Her… lifestyle. It’s disgusting,” she sneered. “All of the younger generations seem to have done away with caring about what is proper. When I was a teenager, it was very clear what was expected of young women. Go to college, build a career, marry a suitable man. None of this foolishness that happens now.” Ava’s mother had curled her lip and wrinkled her nose as she continued.

“Wait… so you don’t like Sara because she dates girls?” Ava couldn’t say she was shocked that her mother was homophobic, but the intensity with which she spoke was unsettling.

“Of course, dear. It’s just not right. I’ve always raised you to know what is proper and what isn’t. I’m sure, in Sara Lance’s case, that her poor choices reflect bad parenting… or the lack thereof.”

Ava felt a sudden burst of defensiveness on Sara’s behalf, especially considering what she had overheard earlier in the day. Sure, she didn’t like Sara, but that was just because she was an insufferable idiot who routinely made Ava’s life more difficult. Whatever Sara did in her free time was none of Ava’s business. Just because Ava herself wasn’t gay, that didn’t mean she was going to judge someone else.

“Oh, I didn’t realize you felt so strongly about it,” Ava said quietly.

“Of course, dear. Don’t you remember when we made that man who moved in down the street with his… male friend… leave?” Ava had a horrible flash of realization.

“I thought you said they were perverts who shouldn’t live that close to children.”

“They were perverts, Ava. I couldn’t have them living that close to us. You might have gotten the wrong idea and started to think that kind of behavior was normal. I can’t imagine what I would have done if they had somehow influenced you and made you like them.”

“Well, fortunately for you I’m not gay. And I don’t think that’s how it works anyway.” Ava found herself desperate to escape the room. “Anyway, I’m going to go upstairs and call Jonah before I go to bed. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, dear. Breakfast will be ready at 9 in the morning.”

Just like always, Ava thought, yet somehow it felt like everything had shifted subtly.

 

* * *

 

 

After she got upstairs and got ready for bed,she pulled out her phone. She wasn’t sure what Jonah had been doing that night, but she hoped he was available for a little while. She was still feeling shaken up after her conversation with her mother, and she needed to calm down. It took a few rings for him to pick up. She could hear some noise around him when he answered, voices and loud music.

“ _Hey, Ava. What’s up?_ ”

“Hey, do you have a minute?”

“ _Um, sure. I'm with my boys right now, but I can probably go outside for a few._ ”

Ava heard him cover the phone and yell that he would be outside for a minute. She heard some jeering and booing, but then the noises quieted, and she knew he was alone.

“ _Okay, so what’s up?_ ”

“I just wanted to check in. I feel like we haven’t seen each other at all this week. We’ve both been so busy.”

“ _Yeah, who would’ve guessed that the first week would be so crazy, huh? I’ve mostly been hanging out and catching up with my bros who were gone this summer. Didn’t you go to the girls’ soccer game tonight?_ ”

“Oh, yeah. I had to take some pictures for the yearbook and I wanted to see Rip. We went and got ice cream.”

“ _God, I can’t even imagine how boring that game would be. Why do people even like girls’ sports? They’re slow and boring._ ” He scoffed, and Ava was back to being annoyed.

“That’s rude, Jonah. The game was actually really exciting.”

“ _Huh._ ” She could hear his disbelief in that one syllable, but she didn’t comment.

“Yeah, the other team scored first, but then Sara Lance scored twice, and we won. Oh, speaking of Sara Lance, when I got home and mentioned her to my mother, she started going off about how gay people are ruining everything and how disgusting they are. She basically told me to stay away from Sara, just in case she ‘turned me gay.’ How weird is that?” Ava needed a little bit of reassurance that her mom was just being crazy.

“ _Well, first of all, I didn’t know Sara was gay. Didn’t she date that weird British kid, John?_ ”

“She’s bi, I think.”

“ _Whatever. But honestly, Ava, I kind of agree with your mom on this one. What if she hits on you or like tries to kiss you if you guys hang out?_ ” Ava rolled her eyes even though she knew he couldn’t see.

“I don’t make a habit of hanging out with Sara Lance, but even if I did there’s no reason that she would do that.”

“ _Isn’t that what queers do? They try to, like, convert you. Especially lesbians. Apparently they hit on straight girls all the time._ ” Ava just barely restrained an irritated sigh.

“That’s not true. And so what if she did hit on me? It’s not like anything would happen. Girls hit on you all the time and it’s not weird.”

“ _Yeah but it’s different._ ”

“How?”

“ _You know. You’re a girl. She’s a girl. It’s just weird, okay?_ ”

This time, Ava did sigh heavily. “Whatever, Jonah. I need to head to sleep. I’ll talk to you later. Night.”

“ _Goodnight, Ava._ ”

She lay the phone down on the table beside her bed and lay awake for the next few hours with one thought rattling around in her head.

_Maybe this relationship would end before they left for college._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always good! Let me know what you think :)


	4. told you i'll be here forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara goes on her first yearbook adventure and lots of sass is exchanged.

Sara awoke to Sunday morning sunlight slanting across her face. She rubbed her eyes as she sat up, squinting against the light. Last night had gotten a little crazy, and she was definitely feeling the effects. Her alcohol tolerance was relatively high, but when the Legends drank together, it would put anyone on their ass. Yesterday afternoon they had all gone out to Arrowhead Lake to hang out and have one last day of summer before school got crazy. It had been Zari’s idea. She and Amaya had wanted to get out of their houses for a little while, and they had run into Nate and Ray at the park which led to Zari texting the whole crew and suggesting they all get together.

Sara had jumped at the idea, since she was already trying to think of a way to get out of the house for the day. Jeff had the weekends off, but Sunday usually involved several church events. That left Saturday as the day that she was most likely to run into him when he was in a bad mood or drunk.

Sara thought back to one of the conversations they had had while they were all laying out on the rocks along the shore.

 

“Hey, Sar, have you thought any more about where you want to go to school?” Amaya asked. She was laying with her head on Zari’s stomach, staring up at the bright blue sky. There were hardly any clouds that day, so Sara had been forced to wear an ungodly amount of sunscreen. Amaya lifted her head to look at Sara as she followed her first question with another. “I mean, do you still want to move really far away?”

“Yeah. I do. I need to get out of here.” Sara paused, looking out at the gentle waves. “I think I’ve narrowed it down to either Stanford or Princeton, but I guess we’ll see how this year goes.” She threw a couple of rocks into the water, enjoying the plop as they made ripples on the surface.

“How are things with Jeff? You haven’t really said anything about him lately.”

“There isn’t much to say. I mostly manage to stay out of his way.” Sara looked over at Amaya. “Stuff like this, on Saturdays, is really helpful. Saturdays are the worst, because he likes to get really drunk while he watches football, and I don’t have school to escape to.”

“You know my house is always open to you, babe. Literally anytime.”

“Me too,” Zari added, her eyes closed against the sunshine.

Before Sara could respond, Nate and Ray hurried over, dragging Jax behind them. “Sara! Amaya, Zari!” Nate called. “Tell the kid that we’re gonna come back and visit him. He’s been saying that we’re going to leave him behind and never come back.” Jax threw a betrayed look at Nate.

“Jax, what the hell, man?” Sara fixed him with a disbelieving glare. “Of course, we could never forget you. You’re way too annoying.” Jax gasped and threw some sand at Sara.

“Rude!”

“Oh please,” Sara said, as she jumped up and gathered some sand to throw back. “Don’t act like you wouldn’t be texting us every day with some lame ass science joke and begging us to come back and kidnap you.”

Jax peeked out from where he had hidden himself behind Nate. “But Saraaaa,” he whined, “what am I going to without you guys next year? You’re leaving me all alone.”

“Well, kiddo, you might have to actually make friends your own age.” Jax slapped a hand to his forehead and pretended to faint. Sara took the opportunity to dump the handful of sand and small rocks she had been carrying into Jax’s hair. He leapt back up and brushed at his head, laughing. Ray piped up from the other side of Nate. “You could always just hang out with your dad! He’s really cool.” The other five just looked at him. “He is! I learn so much every time we talk. He’s so smart,” Ray said defensively.

“Dude, no way. He’s my dad.” Jax was looking at Ray like the other boy had suggested that he should stick his hand into a beehive. “Lily will be a senior though, so I guess she would be fine. I guess I’ll just have to find other cool people to hang with.”

“Good luck finding any of those at SCHS,” Zari scoffed. “Everyone else literally sucks so much.”

They all nodded in agreement. Then, Nate, Ray, and Jax grabbed Sara from where she stood, carried her to the water, and threw her in. She came up spluttering and fixed the boys with a murderous glare. The effect was lessened by the way her hair was plastered to her face, but she did the best she could. They all started laughing at her, and Sara lunged for Ray, deciding he was the easiest target for her counterattack.

“Amaya! Come help me!” Amaya jumped up from where she was still laying on Zari and ran into the water, splashing Nate and Jax as she waded to where Ray and Sara were wrestling. She pushed on the backs of Ray’s knees, making it much easier for Sara to push him down and dunk him under the water. The two girls giggled as Ray came up and splashed them, then Sara made her way back to the shore to join Zari while the rest of them splashed around.

Zari opened her eyes when Sara got close, and after she glanced toward the others, she quietly said, “Hey, Sara?”

“Yeah, Z?”

“Don’t tell Amaya I said this, ‘cause she doesn’t like me fighting, but I just wanted you to know...” She looked back at the water to make sure the others were still far enough away that they couldn’t hear her. “If that guy ever lays a hand on you, I will beat the shit out of him. Even if he doesn’t. Just let me know.”

Sara was speechless.

“I know you can handle yourself and stuff, it’s just, you’re my best friend other than Amaya. I don’t want to see you get hurt if I can help stop it.”

“Wow. Thanks, Zari. I hope it doesn’t get to that point, but if it does I’ll let you know.” Sara leaned back and lay down next to Zari. She closed her eyes, and then felt Zari’s hand rest on hers and squeeze for a second. Zari pulled her hand away after a moment, not comfortable with showing her emotions like that, but Sara felt warm all over, and she didn’t think it was the sun.

They both lay there for a while, soaking up the sun’s rays and listening to the happy sounds of their best friends playing in the water. Then, Sara caught the noise of another car approaching. She lifted her head to see an old pickup making its way toward their spot.

“Hey, Nate! Ray! Mick and Snart are here with the booze!” Sara called out to the four in the water, and they ran up to greet their newly arrived friends.

“Hey,” Mick greeted them with barely more than a grunt. He wasn’t one for a lot of talking, but they loved him anyway. Mick’s uncle worked at a liquor store, so he was always the designated alcohol guy.

“Ahhh... hello, my friends.” Another boy got out of the truck on the other side. “So glad we could make it.” Snart, on the other hand, could talk for days. He looked around at them, and his gaze rested on Sara for several extra seconds. He smirked, and then turned back to the truck to retrieve the bottles and cases that were still in the cab.

It was an open secret that Snart had a thing for Sara. Everyone knew that they had made out at a party once, but Sara quickly realized that she didn’t return his feelings. It didn’t make things weird within the group, but Sara didn’t hide the fact that she wasn’t into him like that and for the most part he respected that.

Once they all had cups or bottles of their chosen drink, Sara raised hers and said, “Here’s to one last year together. Let’s make it the best one yet.” The others cheered in agreement, and they all drank.

 

* * *

 

 

The next Monday went by without incident, just another Monday that Sara hated on principle.

Tuesday, however, started with a bang. Literally. As Sara was walking down the hall toward Mr. Stein’s classroom, she heard a loud noise like a locker door being slammed shut. Then, a bunch of people started talking loudly all at once. She couldn’t make out what they were saying, but it sounded like they were jeering at someone. She walked a little farther, closer to the source of the commotion, but before she turned the corner, Ava Sharpe came hurrying around it. Once she was fully out of view of anyone in the side hall, she shook out her hand, whispering, “Shit, that hurt,” under her breath. Sara looked down and noticed that her knuckles were bright red and already starting to swell.

“Hey, you should definitely let the nurse take a look at that.” Ava’s head snapped up to see who had spoken to her.

“You really think I’m going to show this to the nurse?” She asked. “I may be a teacher’s pet, but there is no way he wouldn’t rat me out to the admin. I’ll be lucky enough if Jonah keeps him damn mouth shut.” What? Sara’s vague understanding of what was going on at that point was clearly way off base.

“Wait, you punched your boyfriend?” Ava glared at her. “Right, not the point. Um, well, if you aren’t going to let the nurse help you, you need to get a plastic bag from somewhere. The library. Joe has some. Then, go to the cafeteria and ask the lunch lady for some ice. She doesn’t ask questions.” Ava looked at her suspiciously.

“I’d ask how you know that, but I really don’t want to know. She then glanced down at her watch. “Shit, I’m going to be late if I do that.”

“I’ll cover for you.”

“Why would you do that? We aren’t friends.” Sara rolled her eyes.

“You just punched a dude, a shitty dude, in the face in the middle of school. You’ve earned about ten minutes of respect. After that, you’re on your own.”

Ava still looked unconvinced. She glanced down at her watch again, before flexing her injured hand. She winced as the skin pulled over her knuckles.

“Seriously. Go. You need to get ice on that asap. Plus, Marty loves me. I’ll keep him distracted until you get back.”

Ava relented and hurried off toward the library with a hasty, “Thank you, Ms. Lance,” thrown over her shoulder.

Sara resumed her walk to Mr. Stein’s classroom, and when she got there, found it mostly full. She set her bag down on the back table where she usually sat and sauntered up to the teacher’s desk.

“Heyyy, Marty. Did you have a good weekend? Did you and Clarissa do anything fun on Saturday when I kidnapped Jax for the day?” Mr. Stein look up from his computer in surprise.

“Oh, hello Ms. Lance. I would really prefer it if, during school hours, you would call me by my last name. Just to keep up pretenses of formality, of course. And no, to answer your question. We had a quiet day at home. Clarissa worked on her paintings and I did more research on that little… experiment that I mentioned.”

“That’s fun. How is that going? Have you figured out the right combination of chemicals yet?”

“Unfortunately, no, the stain is still there. I think I’m close though. There are just so many ways that I could combine cleaning chemicals that would be deadly, and I have to be very careful.” He looked very serious and contemplative, and Sara knew that she would have to think of some other way to keep this conversation going.

“Do you want to see pictures of some of my samples from the lab last week? I took a lot of pictures.” Even though she hadn’t been able to get into AP Chem, Sara was still taking several AP classes, one of which was AP Bio. Last week they had done an intro lab to identify different types of cells. Sara had gotten finished early, so she had prepared a few slides of extra materials to look at under the microscope.

“That would be lovely, Ms. Lance. I do love to see the work of young, budding scientists.”

Sara was almost finished telling Mr. Stein about how the AP Bio teacher, Mr. Wells, had yelled at her for pricking her fingertip to get a blood sample when she noticed Ava slip into the room. She watched Ava whisper something to Kuasa and then take a seat out of direct sight of Mr. Stein to nurse her injured hand. Sara wrapped up her story and then excused herself to take a seat as Kuasa started talking to the staff about how to get good quotes for copy. Ava shot a small, thankful smile at Sara as she walked past, and Sara smirked back at her.

“Time’s up, Sharpe.”

 

* * *

 

 

When seventh period ended, Sara again found herself making her way toward Mr. Stein’s classroom. She was actually looking forward to seeing the dress rehearsal that afternoon but getting there meant she had to listen to Ava Sharpe rant at her about the ‘proper way to use a camera’ first. As if she didn’t know.

When she got into the classroom, Ava was already there. She was sitting at a desk in the front row with a camera bag in front of her. Sara could tell that it was the nicest of the three that the yearbook staff owned, and she was a little surprised that Ava would let her use it. Knowing Ava, though, Sara was sure that it was a test. She knew the blonde girl didn’t think she was competent, and while it was often frustrating, Sara sort of preferred it that way. When there were no expectations, there couldn’t be any disappointment. There was also very little responsibility, because no one thought she could get the job done.

Ava looked up when Sara set her bag down on the desk next to her. “You’re late.”

“My last class ran a little long and clean up took more effort than we had planned for. But here I am.” Sara could tell that Ava was a little on edge, and had been all day, so she wasn’t going to go out of her way to antagonize her like she normally would. “Do you have any specific instructions for me, or am I good to go?”

“Well, first, I need to make sure you actually know how to use this camera.” Sara unzipped the camera bag and lifted the piece of equipment out. “There are three things that you always have to-” before she could finish, Sara had already flipped open the battery slot and card slot to make sure they were both in the camera. She then turned on the camera and made note of how much charge the battery had, as well as how many pictures had already been stored on the card. After that, she took the lens cap off and inspected the lens for any damage.

When she had replaced the lens cap and switched the camera back off, she looked back up at Ava. She was staring at Sara with a raised eyebrow and looked reluctantly impressed.

“Okay, well I guess that answers that question. How much photography experience did you say you had?”

“I didn’t,” Sara said with a smirk. “I mean, I wouldn’t say I’m an expert, but I have a little more than most people. I take decent photos I guess.”

“I feel like that’s as close as you will ever get to modesty, Ms. Lance, but at least I’m not leaving this feature in the hands of a total novice. Just… do your best.” Ava still looked uncertain about the whole thing.

“Oh, I’ll do better.” Ava rolled her eyes.

“There’s the arrogant part. I knew she would show up eventually. In addition to the pictures, please do write up some material for the copy. It obviously can’t be completed until the drama club actually competes and we know if they won or placed, but a paragraph or two would be helpful.”

“That’s a lot of faith you’re putting in me, Ms. Sharpe, assuming I’m literate.” Sara crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows at Ava. She watched the taller girl squirm as she started to respond.

“I mean, you’re in Calc BC, so clearly you aren’t as stupid as…”

“As what, Sharpe? As you thought I was? As everyone else says I am?”

“No, I didn’t-” Ava floundered.

“However, that sentence was going to end, it was going to be offensive, so just move on.”

Ava looked embarrassed but pressed on. “Anyway, I would like for you to get at least one quote. I don’t know if you know anything about theatre, but hopefully you can find someone who is well versed in it to give you some insight into the play they’re doing.”

Sara didn’t bother to tell Ava that not only did she enjoy the theatre, but that Ray was one of the actors in the production. She would have no problem throwing something together for the copy. “I’ll be fine,” she said, enjoying the embarrassed flush still lingering on Ava’s face. “When do we need to meet so you can pass judgement on my work?”

“Tomorrow morning before class. 7:30?” Ava looked down at her watch but kept looking at it for a lot longer than necessary, clearly thinking about something else.

“Got somewhere more important to be, Ms. Sharpe?”

“Oh, um, yes.” Ava finally looked up from her wrist to Sara’s expectant face. “I have a meeting scheduled this evening with a University of Pennsylvania alumnus. I need to get home as soon as possible to get ready.”

“Oh, I don’t actually care,” Sara shot back. “You just seemed like you were in a hurry to get away from me, and I couldn’t imagine why.” Sara winked at the still blushing girl. Ava scowled back at her.

“I know this may shock someone with an ego as big as yours, but most people don’t actually want to hang out with you. You’re irritating and rude.”

“And you’re a bitch, but you don’t hear me saying anything. Mostly because I say it behind your back.” Ava’s mouth dropped open at that. “Anyway, I hope you don’t embarrass yourself _too_ badly tonight. Only ‘cause I know you would probably die on the spot and I want to make fun of you tomorrow.”

Sara stood up, gathered her things and the camera bag, and left the room while Ava was still sitting there in shock.

 

* * *

 

 

Sara strolled into the auditorium as everyone was taking care of last-minute costume details. She could see the scene set up on stage, a deserted train station that looked like it had seen better days. Sara went backstage to find the drama adviser, Mrs. Vostok, and ran into Ray, who was dressed like a janitor.

“Oh, hey, Sara! What are you doing here?”

“Hey, Ray. I’m here for the yearbook. I’m supposed to be taking pictures of your dress rehearsal today. Speaking of which, have you seen Mrs. Vostok?”

“Yeah, I think she said she had to go up to the box to talk to Matt, the sound guy.” Ray looked down at his costume. “Do I look janitorial enough? There aren’t words in this play, so we really have to hit the visual effects hard.”

“There aren’t words? Isn’t that kind of… weird…?” Sara asked.

“I mean, it’s certainly not usual, but I wouldn’t say it’s weird. It really challenges us as actors to be able to convey emotions and drive the plot through body language and music alone.” Ray lifted his chin as he spoke, and Sara could see the pride in his eyes.

“That’s great, Ray. Can I quote you in the feature?”

“Sure, Sara. Whatever you need.” Sara smiled at him.

“Cool. I need to go find Mrs. Vostok now, but break a leg.”

Sara waved her fingers at him as she walked back out of the backstage area. She made her way up to the box that was in the back of the auditorium. She could hear voices as she approached, and when she could see through the door into the box, she found the sound tech guy and Mrs. Vostok arguing.

 “No, Matt, you _can’t_ add 30 seconds of a ‘cool guitar riff’ during that scene! I already chose all the music, and you just have to go with it.” Vostok stood with her hands on her hips, glaring down at the boy at the computer. He looked like he was about to cry, so Sara’s decided it might be a good time for her to intervene.

“Hey, Mrs. Vostok! My name is Sara Lance. I don’t know if you remember me, but-”

“Ms. Lance. Of course. How could I forget that… particularly insightful essay from last year? But, what are you doing _here_? I wasn’t aware that you had joined the drama club.” Vostok had turned toward Sara as she spoke, which meant she was no longer towering over the nerdy guy, Matt. He shot Sara a grateful glance, and then went back to whatever he had been doing on the sound board.

“Oh, no,” Sara said, “I’m here to take pictures for a yearbook feature on this production. Do you mind? I won’t use flash. You won’t even know I’m here.” Sara didn’t think there was much chance that the director would say no, and she really hoped she was right. Ava would kill her if she went back without pictures.

“Sure thing! Pretty much just stay out of my way and, like you already said, no flash. It ruins the ambiance.” Sara was a little more concerned with distracting the actors, but whatever. She shot a thumbs up at Vostok, and a parting smile to both her and Matt.

As Sara wandered around the dimly lit auditorium, she thought about the last, and only time, she had been in a theatre production. When she was in elementary school, she had been the lead of her class’s production of _Peter Pan_. There hadn’t been many boys who were interested in participating, and the ones who were wanted to be Captain Hook, or the lost boys. So, when the teacher in charge of the play had asked if any of the girls wanted to play Peter, Sara had jumped at the chance. To be fair, her enthusiasm probably had more to do with her crush on the cute girl who was playing Wendy than her love of the stage, but Sara remembered the whole thing being really fun. She remembered nervously smiling at the girl as they said their lines back and forth to each other, and the butterflies in her stomach when she smiled back.

That girl had actually been her first girlfriend when they got to middle school. Her name was Nyssa, and they had dated for some of 7th grade and all of 8th. Sara wasn’t ever worried about the fact that she was into girls and boys, she just thought Nyssa was amazing. She made Sara feel special, something that was hard to get in the Lance household if your name wasn’t Laurel. She didn’t resent her sister for getting attention, but it made Nyssa’s affection that much more important to Sara. Even though she had only been 14, she truly believed that what she had felt for Nyssa was love.

Sadly, they ended up going to different high schools, and then shortly after that, Nyssa’s family moved back to the West Coast. Sara hadn’t actually come out to her family as bisexual until freshman year, when they had been concerned about the intensity of her reaction to Nyssa moving away. Her dad had barely even blinked at her confession, but her mom had taken slightly longer to come around. It wasn’t that she was homophobic, necessarily, just that she wasn’t sure that Sara was sure. She had a hard time taking her seriously because she thought Sara was too young to know, but she eventually figured out that she wasn’t going to change Sara’s mind. Sara distinctly remembered her mom saying that it was probably just a phase, that she would grow out of it, but three years later she was still very much into girls.

Her mom was kind of weird about it still, but Sara thought that it might have more to do with her new habit of going to church with Jeff multiple times every week than doubt about Sara’s sexuality.

Sara stopped walking around the auditorium floor when she felt like she had found a good spot to shoot from. Her plan was to get some individual shots, and then try to get some good group pictures. From what Ray had said, there wouldn’t be any talking, which meant that Sara really needed to focus on capturing their expressions, as well as interactions between characters that could be recognized from a still frame. She noticed the lights get dimmer around her, and from somewhere behind her she heard Vostok shout, “Action!”

Sara raised her camera, ready to go.

 

* * *

 

 

 Sara got to school early on Wednesday to meet Ava in the yearbook classroom before first period. She got a couple side eye looks from teachers in the hallway, but since she was carrying the oversize camera bag, they let her pass.

It had taken a while, but she was used to authority figures not trusting her by now. At her old school she had been a model student, never quite living up to the golden girl, Laurel, but doing enough to place her in the top five of her class. She had taken the most AP classes as a freshman at Central City High School in school history, and every teacher loved her.

Early in that year, though, the worst thing in the world had happened. Laurel had been killed by some mob guy, and Sara’s entire life had fallen apart. She had done her best to keep it together for the rest of the year, but when her father died during her sophomore year, she couldn’t anymore. She had to move to Star City to live with her mom, who had divorced her dad after Laurel was killed, and she started acting out. She knew it was stupid, but she was hurting, and she needed an outlet.

Now, two years later, she had gained a reputation among the faculty, staff, and even her fellow students as someone to be wary of. She didn’t do much to maintain her rep those days, but it lingered. The only teachers who didn’t fear her and her trouble-making ways were the AP science and math teachers, most of whom she had had more than once. Sara hadn’t actually had very many other teachers, since she was in so many AP courses.

Sara was pretty sure most of them thought she was in in-school suspension most of the time anyway. That suited her just fine.

When she got to the room, she found Ava waiting in the same place as the day before. Ava looked up at her with resignation clear in her eyes. She also looked a little more exhausted that normal, which was saying something. The bags under her eyes were darker, more pronounced. Her hair was pulled back into the usual bun, but there were a few strands that had escaped and hung down onto her neck.

Sara didn’t hate it.

Ava looked softer, somehow, and Sara wondered what she would look like with her hair down or wearing something other than her uniform of preppy clothing.

She was pulled from her musings when Ava gestured to the chair next to her. There was a laptop on Ava’s desk, and when Sara had settled into the chair beside her, Ava motioned toward the camera bag. “Alright, Ms. Lance. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

Sara removed the SD card from its slot and offered it to Ava. She took it wordlessly and inserted it into the computer. Her expression was like someone who was being forced to eat something incredibly unpleasant. She opened the file and began clicking through the photos.

After the first two photos, her expression changed. First, her eyebrows furrowed, and she pursed her lips. Then, one of her eyebrows lifted tentatively. After a while, both of her eyes had gone wide and her mouth had fallen open. Sara wasn’t really sure what to think of that. She couldn’t think of any reason she should care what Little Miss I’m-Perfect-At-Everything thought of her work, but she found herself suddenly nervous to hear what Ava had to say. Finally, Ava turned toward her, eyebrows still raised dramatically.

“What the fuck?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The more I write of this, the more I realize how much there is left to write. I hope y'all don't mind if I keep this going for a while.


	5. you're gonna catch a cold (from the ice inside your soul)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara and Ava fight, Ava learns more about her dream school, and things with Karen Sharpe take a turn for the worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A warning: This chapter had some pretty strongly worded homophobic language from a parent, so if that's not something you want to read, please skip the last scene.

Ava’s brain was short-circuiting. She literally could not believe what she had just seen. Sara had taken pictures of the drama dress rehearsal.

And they were _good._

“Was that a rhetorical question?” Sara asked, blankly. Ava just stared at her. The photos she had been clicking through were some of the best she had ever seen a high school student take. She turned back to the laptop and started from the beginning. The angles from which Sara had taken the photos were incredible. The emotion that each picture evoked was unique and thrilling. The lighting was perfect. It was sometimes hard to get the settings just right to capture images in dark rooms with harsh lighting, yet Sara had done it. And she had done it perfectly.

“Did _you_ really take these?” Ava asked in awed disbelief.

“Excuse me?” Ava looked up and met Sara’s suddenly heated gaze. “What kind of question is that?” Ava opened her mouth to explain herself, but Sara cut her off. “Of course, I took the damn pictures. You gave me an assignment and I did it and you can fuck off with your assumptions, _Ms. Sharpe_.” Sara said her name mockingly, her emotions visible in the way she drew her eyebrows together and shifted away from Ava in her seat.

“No, no. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it except that they’re really good.” Ava hated to admit that she was impressed by the shorter girl, but she didn’t want Sara to keep looking at her like that.

“Whatever. I get that you think I’m a worthless person since I don’t have a perfect life like you, with your perfect grades, perfect family, all that stuff. Just don’t assume you _know_ me, Sharpe. You don’t know anything about me.” Sara was still glaring at her as she stood and gathered her stuff. She took a folded piece of notebook paper out of her jacket pocket and tossed it onto the desk in front of Ava. “Here. The copy that I wrote. Feel free to rewrite it if it isn’t up to your ‘standards’ or if you don’t think I actually wrote it.” Then she turned and stormed out of the classroom.

Ava sat, frozen in her chair. Well, she had messed that up pretty spectacularly. She reached over and picked up Sara’s paper, unfolded it, and began reading.

 

Theatre is an art, unlike any other, in its inherent variability. Each performance of a play comes directly from the same source material, yet each performance is as different from the next as Shakespeare is from Sondheim. Part of that variability can be contributed to the audience, but most of it is due to the actors and their ability to take cues from each other. Specifically, verbal and nonverbal cues. In most plays, actors are able to remember their lines and movements because they hear cues from other actors. This play, however, is very different.

What sets this production apart is its complete lack of spoken words. For the entirety of the play, the actors must rely on their actions and expressions to let the audience know what is happening. Senior Ray Palmer says of the play, “It really challenges us as actors to be able to convey emotion and drive the plot through body language and music alone.”

 And drive it, they do. Each of the seven actors more than earned their role in this production. Every action and reaction are perfectly executed, and the audience can follow exactly what is happening. Though each character is captivating, one stood out from the rest. Junior Lily Stein truly stole the show as the character “First Love.” Her movements and expressions draw you in, but ultimately it is her sad, compelling story of losing a first love that many people can relate to.

(Paragraph regarding results. TBD.)

 

Ava sat in shock after finishing. She had no idea that Sara could write like that and she had no idea that Sara-

Then it hit her. She didn’t really know Sara at all. Sara had been right to say those things to her, to call her out for judging her when she clearly had no idea what she was talking about.

Ava needed to apologize.

And she would. Eventually. Right now, she needed to get ready for class. Speaking of which, Sara was in her first period, being that it was yearbook. Was she coming back? But then, people started filling the classroom and all thoughts of Sara Lance vanished.

 

* * *

 

 

Ava didn’t see Sara in calculus that day, and Sara didn’t show up to yearbook again the next day. She pulled Kuasa aside and asked if she knew where Sara was.

“Um, yeah. I asked Amaya what was up just a minute ago since I didn’t see Sara yesterday either. She’s fine, though.” Ava rolled her eyes.

“Clearly she’s not. Look, I just, I said something kind of rude to her yesterday and I wanted to make sure it wasn’t because of that.”

“No, she just has a lot going on right now. She’s a little… sensitive.” Kuasa shifted her eyes around, not quite looking at Ava.

“What does that even mean, Kuasa? _What_ does she have going on?”

“Look, Ava, you’re one of my best friends, but that isn’t mine to tell. Plus, Amaya would murder me if Sara got hurt in any way because of me. Sorry.”

So, Ava still had no idea where Sara had been for the past day. When she got to Calculus, though, Sara was sitting in her usual seat, front and center. She tried to get Sara’s attention before the bell rang, but Sara adamantly refused to even acknowledge Ava’s existence. _Fine then, if that’s how it’s going to be._

Even though Sara had been going out of her way to avoid looking at Ava, she hadn’t exactly been looking at the board or paying attention either. In fact, she had been pulling out her phone every few minutes when Dr. Bennett wasn’t looking to check it and then put it away. So, about halfway into class, Ava noticed Sara pulling out her phone while Dr. Bennett had his back turned.

“Excuse me, Ms. Lance. I don’t know if you remember, but Dr. Bennett clearly stated his ‘no phones’ policy on the first day. Maybe you should’ve paid attention then, so you could be paying attention now.” Sara looked up at her, startled, and then looked fearfully at Dr. Bennett, who had turned around when Ava had spoken up.

He looked concerned at the panicked expression on Sara’s face, but then he said, “Unfortunately, Ms. Sharpe is correct. Ms. Lance, please hand you phone to Ms. Sharpe so we can get on with the lesson. You may collect it at the end of the day.” He then turned back toward the board, as Sara stood up. As she handed her phone to Ava, Ava couldn’t tell if the look in her eyes meant that she wanted to punch Ava in the face or break down sobbing. Fortunately, she did neither, simply handed Ava the phone and went back to her desk.

The rest of class went by pretty much the same way, Ava trying to catch Sara’s eye, and Sara completely avoiding her. Now, however, Sara’s eyes were darker, and she frowned for the rest of the period, her fingers fidgeting like she was itching to check the phone that she no longer had. When the bell rang, Ava gathered her things and was going to wait to see what Sara would do. But, when she looked up at the room, Sara was already gone.

 

* * *

 

 

Ava couldn’t stop thinking about Sara all day. She couldn’t believe that the other girl had refused to even acknowledge that she existed before she had to give Ava her phone. Ava did kind of feel bad about the phone thing, but Sara should’ve known better than to be that blatantly distracted in that class. She had no business having her phone out at all, especially every few minutes, and Ava had done the only thing she could think of to get Sara’s attention.

And she had gotten it. For a few seconds as Sara walked toward Ava’s desk, Ava had thought that the other girl might actually throw the phone at her, or at least start yelling at her. But the heart-wrenching sadness on Sara’s face as she stood there, phone in her outstretched hand, had almost been enough to make Ava give up her need to get Sara’s attention. She didn’t want it like that. But no, the other girl was being a jerk, and Ava didn’t deserve that treatment. She was determined to make Sara regret acting like a child, so she would have to come up with something else.

After 7th period, Ava made her way to Rip’s office to tell him about the Penn interview she had the night before. He had texted her at lunch to ask how it went, but she wanted to talk to him about it in person, so they agreed to just meet in his office after school.

Ava realized that she had been so distracted by the situation with Sara all day that she hadn’t really even had time to process the events of that night herself.

 

She obviously couldn’t have told her mother what she was doing, since she was still actively trying to prevent Ava from going to Penn, so she had lied and said she was going out to a fancy dinner date with Jonah, despite the fact that they had broken up that morning. That was really the only way she could explain dressing up and going out at that hour that her mother wouldn’t be suspicious of.

She had mostly recovered from punching Jonah, but her knuckles were still tender. They weren’t swollen too badly, thanks to Sara, but Ava hated to give the annoying girl credit for anything.

Ava definitely couldn’t tell her mother that she had broken up with Jonah, especially because that would, without question, lead to her finding out exactly _how_ she had broken up with him. Not only would Ava get chewed out for not acting like a ‘lady’ should, but her mother would want to know why. And with what she had recently discovered about Karen Sharpe, she couldn’t exactly tell her mother that she had punched her ‘perfect’ boyfriend in the face because he made a derogatory joke about Ava’s best friend, Gary. After the word ‘faggot’ had left Jonah’s mouth, followed quickly by ‘tranny,’ Ava hadn’t been able to restrain herself. She just reacted, and the next thing she knew, Jonah was on the floor clutching his mouth and Ava’s hand was stinging like crazy.

Ava couldn’t tell her mother about that, because she hated Gary. She hadn’t always. When Ava and Gary were in preschool, Mrs. Sharpe had been very good friends with Gary’s mother, Gabrielle. They had been eager to set up playdates for their daughters, and thus the two children had become best friends.

That all changed when Gary came out as trans when he was in 7th grade. Fortunately, Gary’s parents were incredibly accepting and supportive, but that had meant that Karen cut ties with all of them. At the time, and until a few days ago, Ava thought that the reason her mother suddenly didn’t want her to see her best friend was because he was a boy and she didn’t think it was right for girls and boys to be best friends and hang out and have sleepovers. Now she knew the truth.

God, what must Gabby have thought of her when Ava’s mother dropped them because her son was trans? Gary’s mom hadn’t ever acted differently toward Ava, but she was sure that was because, despite her mother’s wishes to the contrary, Ava didn’t stop being friends with Gary. She was a year ahead of him in school, so there was a year when Ava has at SCHS and Gary was still at their middle school when they hadn’t been quite as close, but she never stopped talking to him. She had been really worried about him being alone at the middle school, but he seemed to do fine. When he finally go to SCHS with her, they picked up like nothing had ever changed.

Ava’s mother didn’t know that they were still best friends, but she knew that they saw each other at school a lot. Karen was not happy about it, and made her displeasure explicitly known at every possible opportunity. She also refused to call him Gary, or use the correct pronouns, and referred to him as ‘that Green girl.’ It frustrated and infuriated Ava to no end. Sure, Gary was a weirdo, but he was _her_ weirdo, and he deserved to be treated with respect.

He and his family were in New York for the first few weeks of the school year, because his grandmother had just passed away. They knew it was coming, so they had arranged for the kids to be able to miss some school, but Ava missed the kid. She couldn’t wait for him to get back.

But yeah, Ava definitely couldn’t tell her mother that she wasn’t actually going out with Jonah that night. She made something up about an after-school baseball meeting taking longer than Jonah had expected, so instead of him picking her up, she was going to meet him at the restaurant. Her mother just smiled and said she was so glad Jonah was so good to her (at which Ava just barely restrained an eye roll) and told her to have a good time and to back by curfew.

As she drove to the coffee shop downtown where she had arranged to meet with the Penn alum, Ava started to feel nerves in the pit of her stomach. This interview didn’t determine whether or not she would be accepted into her dream school, but it was a huge opportunity to go ahead and start networking, as well as ask questions about courses, professors, and life on campus. She didn’t was to screw up and make a bad name for herself before she even got on campus.

Ava made her way inside the shop once she had arrived, and parked, and looked around for the woman she was supposed to be meeting. Her name was Jennifer, and she had graduated from Penn in 2016, from the criminology program that Ava was hoping to gain admission to. She spotted her in the back corner of the room, already sitting with her drink and a scone. Ava took a deep breath and made her way over.

“Excuse me, Mrs. Webber?” The woman looked up at Ava, her green eyes catching the lights inside just right and sparkling. “Hi, my name is Ava Sharpe, uh, we spoke on the phone?”

“Hi, Ava!” The woman stood and hugged Ava, surprising her. Ava noticed that she smelled really good, too, like a bouquet of flowers. Did Penn just like magically turn their students into fragrant models? Weird. Then the woman pulled away and interrupted Ava’s musings. “Please just call me Jen. And why don’t you go ahead and order your coffee. We can start getting to know each other while you wait for your drink. Do you want a sandwich or a scone or anything? My treat.”

“Oh, no, you don’t need to do that.”

“Please, honey, I’m trying to convince you that Penn is the only place on earth for you. What kind of message would I be sending if I didn’t at least pick up the check?” She winked at Ava, and Ava blushed.

“Okay, well, if you insist.”

They walked up to order, and Ava ended up getting a ham sandwich to go with her dirty chai. Once they settled back into their seats, Jen started telling Ava a little bit about herself.

“Okay, well, I actually also grew up in Star City, and I moved back here after graduating with a BA in Criminology in ’16. I work for the DA’s office right now, but I would like to eventually work for the government. FBI, CIA, NSA, whichever. I have an interest in intelligence, so I can’t really stay here. Not much happening, you know? I got married last year. My wife’s name is Emily, and she also went to Penn.” Jen’s face lit up when she started talking about Emily, and Ava smiled at her adorable, lovestruck expression. “What about you?”

“I’m a senior, as you know. I’m the class treasurer, the captain of the debate team, and the editor in chief of the SCHS yearbook. I’m on track to be valedictorian of my class.” Jen looked impressed, and Ava internally released a sigh of relief. “I also hope to work for the FBI someday. And, as of this morning, newly single.” Jen’s eyes widened in interest.

“Oh no! What did she do?” Ava almost choked on the sip of her latte she had just taken.

“What? Oh, um, actually it’s he. I’m straight.”

“Shit, my bad. I was just getting vibes from you. Like gaydar and all that.” Jen looked mortified and continued to apologize. “Clearly, I read you wrong, I’m sorry. Really.”

“It’s okay, I’m not offended, I was just surprised. I don’t have any problems with gay people.” Jen grinned at her awkwardly. “Actually, that’s why I broke up with my now ex-boyfriend. He said some really shitty things about my best friend who is a gay trans guy. I knew he didn’t particularly like Gary before now, but I didn’t realize it was because he’s a bigot until recently. That’s not someone I want to spend any more time with. So, I punched him in the face.” She held up her bruised knuckles.

Jen’s grin widened at the sight. “Yeah, we’re gonna get along just fine, Ava Sharpe. Just fine.”

They had talked for two hours by the time Ava realized she had to go. She found herself really liking Jen. The older woman had a special charisma that drew Ava in and she was enraptured. They parted after exchanging phone numbers, a promise from Ava that she would call if (when, Jen had said, winking) she decided to go to Penn, and another floral smelling hug.

 

When Ava finally got to Rip’s office, she raised her hand to knock, but stopped when she heard a loud voice from inside the room. She knew that voice. Sara Lance.

“…and then she got Bennett to take my phone away! How fucked up is that!? I didn’t even do anything wrong, I was just checking for messages from my mom. Ava was just being a bitch, I walked away, and she couldn’t handle it, so she has to keep ruining my already bad day? This is not the week to be having shitty luck like this.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Sara.”

“Sorry. I know she’s your sister, I just can’t stand her.”

“I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time with Ava. She can be stubborn sometimes, but she isn’t cruel. Maybe just give her a few days to calm down, and then see how things go.”

“Maybe. We’ll see.” Sara chuckled, humorlessly.

“You should probably go, though, she’s likely on her way here right now.” Ava realized that Sara was probably about to come out the door that she was standing in front of, so she quickly walked back to the door between the gym and office area, opening it and pretending to walk through it, just in time for Rip’s office door to swing open. Sara glared at her as they passed each other, and Ava stared right back.

When she entered Rip’s office, he was sitting behind his desk, writing notes on a diagram he had made of a lineup.

“Hey, Rip. Was Sara coming out of your office just now? What was she doing here?” Rip looked up at Ava with a remarkably neutral face, considering the things that Sara had just been saying about her.

“We were just discussing some strategy for Friday’s game. Speaking of, are you still coming to that?” Ava stared at him for another few seconds, his face giving nothing away. Finally, she decided that it wasn’t worth it to get angry at him just because Sara dragged him into the thing between them.

“Yeah, I’ll be there. Not that I don’t love soccer, but it mostly just gives me a reason not to be home as much when my mother is there.” Rip looked at her curiously.

“Are you all still arguing about college? Or has something else come up?”

“Both.” She wasn’t sure how much she should say to Rip about the conversation she and her mother had about Sara, but she figured he probably had the most experience with not giving a fuck about Karen Sharpe and her opinions. “Okay, first, I need you to promise not to say anything to Sara about this. Or Gideon.”

“Okay?” Rip’s eyebrows drew together in concern, and he leaned forward, hands clasped together with two fingers pressed against his lips thoughtfully.

“Last Friday after the soccer game, I was talking to my mother about how we won the game and how Sara was the one who scored both goals. As soon as I mentioned Sara, she started going off about her ‘lifestyle’ and how disgusting she thinks Sara is. I had no idea what was going on until she said something about the ‘right way’ to be a woman, and then I realized that she’s like ridiculously homophobic.” Rip’s mouth curled into what looked almost like a sneer, but he quickly schooled his features into a much more neutral expression before answering.

“Ava, do you remember the last time we came for dinner and I had to drag Gideon out of the house before she and Karen came to blows?” Ava nodded. “That’s what that whole situation was about.”

Oh. That actually made a lot of sense when Ava thought about it.

“Shit, I didn’t even realize. How did I miss this for so long?” Ava looked down at her hands that were clasped on her lap and frowned. She had really been blind.

“Honestly, Ava, a lot of people overlook stuff that their parents do. You want to believe that they’re good people, but there is a certain point where you can’t get past certain behaviors. You’ve finally reached that with your mom.” Rip looked sympathetic, his eyes soft, and his mouth stretched into a half smile. “There’s no shame in that. The only thing you can do about it is decide what to do next time it comes up. Are you going to go along with it? Or are you going to stand up for what you know is right?”

Ava knew that he was right, but the thought of arguing with her mother any more than she had that night scared her. Karen Sharpe didn’t care much for people who disagreed with her.

“Anyway,” Rip continued, “you came to talk about the interview you had last night. How did that go?”

“Oh my god, it was amazing. Jen was so cool. We talked a lot about the criminology program and about Penn in general. She actually grew up in Star City, and she just moved back here with her wife. She showed me some of their wedding pictures and they’re adorable. Maybe while I’m at Penn I’ll meet someone. God knows there’s no one around here that I’m interested in.” Rip just smiled at her and gestured for her to continue. She told him about the rest of their conversation, except the part when Jen had mistakenly thought she was a lesbian, and about how after she left the coffee shop that night she was sure then, more than ever, that Penn was the right school for her.

“It just seems like where I need to be, you know?”

“I know the feeling, Aves. When you know, you know.”

 

* * *

 

 

By the time the game on Friday rolled around, Ava was kind of dreading it. She was always happy to see Rip, and she hadn’t been lying when she said that it was a great way to get out of the house, but she was desperately hoping that she wouldn’t have to see or speak to Sara Lance. The situation between them had turned into something like a cold war, both of them glaring at the other and doing passive aggressive things to piss the other off. Ava knew that she should probably just apologize and hope that they could put it behind them before it escalated, but the thought of the smug expression on Sara’s face held her back.

Nevertheless, she drove herself back to school that evening and found a seat in the stands near the midfield line. She saw Gideon sitting near the SCHS bench and was glad that she wouldn’t have to interact with the woman, at least until the game ended. She looked around at the gathering crowd of spectators, the noise of them growing in anticipation. Ava considered herself an introvert, generally preferring to avoid large groups of people, but there was something about being part of the masses at a sports game that energized her. The game wasn’t going to be a difficult one, according to Rip, but the excitement in the stands was palpable.

Ava saw the teams start to line up, SCHS led by Sara and the keeper. The armband Sara wore, a neon yellow color, stood out against the deep purple and black of the Star City uniform. The names of the players were called for each school and then they all shook hands, the easy confidence that Sara and the rest were carrying was juxtaposed to the evident nerves of the other team.

Rip had been right. That game was nowhere near as exciting as the one the week before against National City. It was kind of fun to see how easily SCHS kept the ball away from their opponents, but the tension wasn’t there. After a little while, the noise of the crowd had died down, and only the occasional surge of yelling when a goal was scored broke the silence.

Even though Ava’s school was doing well overall, it seemed like Sara was struggling to keep up with the pace, like her head wasn’t in the game at all. Ava had a feeling that she had something to do with that, and she felt a little guilty, but she wasn’t sure that it was the only thing bothering Sara. She was missing easy passes, giving the ball away, missing the goal completely when she shot, and she seemed to get lost easily on the field. The three goals that SCHS had scored before the half were courtesy of the other forward, a sophomore named Julia, and Kuasa. The goal Kuasa had scored was a bit of a surprise to the crowd, since the defensive mid didn’t usually have scoring opportunities, but everyone cheered in support. The teams left the field for halftime, the Star City team high fiving their friends on the sidelines and the opposing team slinking off with hunched shoulders and defeated expressions.

Unfortunately for Ava, there were no adorable lesbians for her to eavesdrop on that night, so she spent all of the break on her phone, texting Gary about the game and what he had missed in the first two weeks of school. He was excited to get back and hang out with Ava, Nora, and Kuasa again. The four of them had been friends since Ava got to high school and had to find people to hang out with at school, since she hadn’t been able to see Gary as much due to him still being in 8th grade. She had met Nora during an interest meeting for the debate team and the two had bonded over their shared love of history, since Ava recognized Nora from her AP US History class.

Nora and Kuasa had been best friends since middle school. They had been in a lot of the same classes at school, but really got to know each other during the martial arts class they had been in together. The two had been a little unsure about Gary until they learned that he was part of the LGBT community, which he and Kuasa had in common, and Nora just said that now she had a little brother to protect.

Gary may or may not have cried when she’d said that.

Ava told Gary that she would talk to him later as halftime ended, and she put her phone away to watch as the game resumed. After about 30 seconds of play, Ava realized that Sara wasn’t on the field anymore, but had been replaced by a freshman forward whose name she didn’t know. Ava looked at the bench, but Sara wasn’t there either. What the hell? Then she noticed that Rip looked like he wasn’t really interested in the game anymore, and he kept glancing behind the bench at the locker room door. Had Sara gotten injured? Ava stopped herself. Why was she so worried about the other girl? She wasn’t. She was mad at Sara. She was just worried about Rip’s team. She didn’t care about Sara.

The rest of the game went by quickly, and SCHS scored four more goals and gave none up. The players left the field, leaving just Rip on the bench, making some quick notes. He packed his things and then made his way over to where his wife was sitting, waiting for him to be finished. She stood and kissed him, and then he whispered something in her ear that made her nod and leave the stands, headed for the locker room. Rip looked around at the crowd that was still in the stands and spotted Ava after she raised her hand and waved at him. He grinned, though it was small and strained, and waved her over.

“Hey killer,” he said as she approached. “You like the game? It was kind of a blowout, huh?” Ava hugged him before answering.

“It was good. You guys crushed it.” She paused, unsure whether he would be available to go get dinner or ice cream again. “Any chance you’re up to hang out again tonight?” Rip’s mouth opened, then he shut it without a word. It twisted strangely, and Ava wasn’t sure what to make of his hesitation.

“Actually, kiddo, I can’t today. Gideon and I are having a night in, just the two of us. I’ve been promising her for weeks.” He looked guilty, and Ava could tell he was trying not to bring up the fact that Gideon hated her. Ava looked down at her sneakers to avoid saying something about it herself.

“Oh, that’s okay. Have fun with Gideon. We can hang some other time. Maybe Sunday?”

“I’m… kinda busy the whole weekend. You know, school stuff and soccer.” His eyes wouldn’t settle on anything, and Ava got the distinct feeling that he wasn’t being entirely honest. Well. That hurt. But he probably had something important to do. Ava wasn’t sure why he was lying about it, though.

“Okay. Well. Have a good weekend, then.”

“You too, Aves.”

Ava made her way back to her car, a heavy feeling in her stomach. She couldn’t figure out why Rip had seemed so shifty, but she had an awful feeling that it was because of something she had done. But what? She sat in her car, considering going somewhere else for a little while anyway to avoid going home, but she didn’t want to give her mother any more reason to blow up at her.

Right as she was about to start her car and head home, she spotted a familiar figure to her right, down several parking spaces from her own. It was Rip, followed by Gideon. There was someone else with them, but Ava couldn’t see them from where they were standing behind Rip. Then, the person stepped around the car.

It was Sara. Sara was getting into the backseat of Rip’s car. With Rip and Gideon. Who were very clearly not having a ‘night in, just the two of them.’ Ava’s throat tightened as it clicked. Sara had been telling Rip about their fight. Ava had told Rip that her mother was being shitty about Sara and she had almost not noticed. Rip had chosen.

And he hadn’t chosen Ava.

 

* * *

 

 

Things didn’t improve for Ava when she got home that night. She pulled into the driveway and sat there for a few minutes, trying to make sense of what she had seen. Rip had lied to her about his plans for the night so that he and Gideon could hang out with _Sara Lance_ without her knowing. What? Obviously, Ava and Sara weren’t on good terms at the moment, not that they ever were, but why would he mislead her like that unless Rip was also mad at Ava for Sara getting in trouble in Calc? That didn’t really make sense, though. It obviously hadn’t affected her ability to play that night, though something else clearly had, and the team hadn’t needed her to win anyway. So there had to be another explanation for Rip’s behavior. Right?

She didn’t know what she would do if Rip ended up hating her. Probably die.

Ava got out of her car, reluctantly going inside and fighting down the panic that was welling up inside her chest. She had hoped to make it to her room without having to face her mother, who was undoubtedly going to find something about Ava to criticize, but she was not so lucky. Of course not. That’s about how her night was going, so she couldn’t say she was surprised. Karen Sharpe was seated at the dining room table, and Ava suspected that she had been waiting for her daughter to get home, so she could ambush Ava.

“Ava. Come here.” The sharpness of her mother’s tone made Ava swallow back her sudden dread. She walked to the table and stood next to it, across from her mother.

“Hi, mom.” Karen looked at her like she was trying to decide what Ava’s coffin would look like.

“Don’t ‘hi, mom’ me, young lady. Would you care to explain why your father got a call from Michael earlier today, during which he learned that you _PUNCHED_ Jonah in the face in the middle of the hall in front of everyone at school?” she stood up as she yelled the word ‘punched’ and Ava stepped back in shock.

Fuck.  

Ava had known that it wouldn’t be a good reaction, but she wasn’t expecting the screaming. Her mother’s face was remarkably calm, though the fury in her words and tone belied her controlled appearance. When Ava didn’t immediately respond, Karen spoke again.

“What the hell were you thinking, Ava? What could possibly be bad enough to make you strike your boyfriend? In front of people, no less.”

Ava knew that she couldn’t keep the truth from her mother, no matter how much she desperately wanted to, so she muttered her answer under her breath, quietly enough that her mother might not be able to make out the details. She ducked her head and clasped her hands behind her back to hide the nervous way her hands fidgeted.

“Speak up, Ava. It’s rude to mumble.” Ava sighed, and resigned herself to her fate.

“He called Gary several very rude things, and I couldn’t help it.” She refused to look at her mother, but she could feel the cold stare like icy water down her back.

“So. You’re telling me that you assaulted your boyfriend, a boy who had never been anything but good to you, because he insulted that deluded girl you insist on continuing to speak to?” At the word ‘girl,’ Ava’s head shot up and she met her mother’s gaze with a cold fury in her own.

“Yes. I’m telling you that I punched my asshole ex-boyfriend in his face because he insulted Gary, my best friend, who is a boy, no matter what you or Jonah call him.” Ava’s mother regarded her carefully, like she was trying to decide which part of Ava’s response had been the most offensive to her.

Finally, she frowned, and asked, “Is there a particular reason you’re so defensive of her? And of that Lance girl you were talking about the other day? Are you… are you a _homosexual,_ Ava?”

“What? No. What would that have to do with anything?”

“I’m just curious as to why you are so quick to justify their disgusting and immoral lifestyles. Surely nothing I’ve ever said or done has allowed you to think that what they’re doing is okay?”

“I think that I have no right to judge anyone else, mom. I think that they are decent people, and their genders or sexualities aren’t things I consider when deciding whether or not to be friends with someone.” Ava and her mother glared at each other, the expressions on their faces mirror images of each other. Some people at school might call Ava a stone-cold bitch, but she had learned from the best.

“That’s ridiculous,” Karen finally said, venom dripping from every syllable. “How can you not take their perversions into account? I can’t imagine ever being friends with people like them. In fact, even though I gave birth to you, if you ever decided to become like them, I would not consider you my daughter anymore.” Ava’s jaw dropped. Her heart pounded in her chest and she could feel her hands shaking from where they were still tucked behind her back. She was not expecting that to come out of her mother’s mouth.

With the last ounce of courage she had left after that crushing declaration, Ava said, “If I was gay, I wouldn’t want you to be my mother anyway.”

Karen’s face was like stone.

“Go upstairs. Don’t leave your room unless I come get you myself.”

Ava all but ran out of the room, desperate to get to the relative safety of her bedroom. She didn’t slam the door, knowing that would just upset her mother more, but closed it gently and sank to the floor. She finally let frustrated, angry tears fall as she clutched her stomach, the ball of fear she had felt building during the tense argument released and she just felt overwhelming panic.

What had she just done?

It didn’t occur to her until much later that there was only one person who could’ve told Rip exactly what went down in the hallway on Tuesday. One person who had witnessed the whole thing and was responsible for the showdown that had just occurred.

Sara fucking Lance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment and let me know what you thought about this one.


	6. right now i'm alright if you're just fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara spends a weekend with Rip and Gideon, Ava and Sara continue to fight, the Legends get into a bit of trouble, and Sara and Jeff have a confrontation that leaves her shaken.

Sara jumped at the sound of the doorbell. She was sitting in Rip’s living room watching an episode of Brooklyn 99 while Rip and Gideon made breakfast in the kitchen. Normally, Saturdays didn’t exist for Sara before noon, but she was already dressed (in her pajamas) and socializing given that she had barely slept last night. Tomorrow would be three years since she found out that Laurel had been killed, and Sara was a mess, had been all week. She hadn’t been able to focus in class, hadn’t been as into the Legends hangouts, and had been an absolute mess during the soccer game the night before, the half that she had actually played, that is. But as bad as the week had been, she knew that the weekend would be even worse, which is why she had decided to spend it out of her house and with her friends.

Rip and Gideon had been there for Sara more than her own mother had been the last couple years, so when Gideon had suggested that she come spend what was sure to be an emotionally taxing weekend with them, Sara had immediately agreed. Gideon had come into the locker room after the game ended and found Sara crying in one of the broken shower stalls. When she saw the state Sara was in, she just sat next to her and held her hand because she knew that Sara could only handle so much contact when she was like that. Sara had been unable to say anything, but she laid her head on Gideon’s shoulder and sobbed. When the younger girl was finished crying, Gideon offered their home to her for the weekend ahead.

The only problem had been getting approval from her mom. Sara didn’t think her mom would be cool with her spending the weekend with her soccer coach and his wife, so she had just said that she would be hanging out with Amaya and Zari. And technically it wasn’t a lie that she was hanging out with them since they were coming over that day to keep her company.

Sara had suspected that her mom had no idea the significance of that weekend, and her mom’s casual acceptance of Sara’s absence had pretty much confirmed her theory.

The doorbell. She had spaced out again.

“I’ll get it!” Sara yelled into the kitchen as she paused her episode and made her way toward the door. Through the glass she could make out the shapes of her two best friends. She swung the door open and was hit by the muggy heat of late summer that had settled over the city.

“Hey, guys. Come on in.” Sara gestured with her hand as Amaya stepped inside, followed by Zari, who tossed a small smile at Sara when she noticed the pajama pants she was wearing. They were chemistry themed, with chemical symbols, formulas, and atomic models all over them. They had been a gift from her dad, and fortunately she hadn’t grown much since freshman year. She wasn’t sure she would ever be able to get rid of them.

“Hey, babe,” Amaya said. “You doing okay?” She looked like she already knew the answer to her question, but Sara knew that she was just trying to break the sudden awkwardness. It was only ever weird among the three of them on the anniversary of Laurel’s death, because Sara basically shut down, whereas she was usually the most talkative one of them.

“Okay as I can be right now,” Sara finally responded. She bit her cheek against the urge to cry.

“So not at all?” Amaya shot Zari a reproachful look, but Sara appreciated it. Zari was the only one who never walked on eggshells around Sara, who could be blunt about the emotions that she knew Sara must be feeling. She had lost her mother when she was really young due to complications with her little brother’s birth, so she had more experience than any of Sara’s other friend with loss like that. Zari had had a lot longer than Sara to work through her grief, so she was a huge help to Sara when her own grief felt like it was the end of the world. She helped Sara know that even though it would probably never stop hurting, she would be able to keep living with that hurt, something that Sara hadn’t thought possible in her darker moments.

Sara shrugged at Zari, and she gave Sara another smile, that time a sympathetic one. She and Amaya continued into the living room, setting the board games and snacks they had brought down on the coffee table. Sara saw Amaya touch Zari’s arm in the way that meant she was worried about her girlfriend. She knew that being around Sara during this time of year brought up a lot of emotions for Zari, which made Sara appreciate her willingness to be there even more. She turned away from them, wanting to give them a minute alone, and made her way into the kitchen, where she was greeted by the sight of Gideon dancing to a song that was playing softly on her phone as she made pancakes. Rip was brewing coffee, caffeine being a necessity for all three of them to be fully awake that early, and he was watching his wife dance with a soft smile.

Sara was acutely aware that she was voluntarily fifth wheeling the whole day, and suddenly the coffee couldn’t come fast enough.

They both turned when they heard her enter the kitchen, and Gideon pulled Sara into her arms as she continued dancing. They swayed around the room and Sara rested her head on Gideon’s shoulder.

When Sara had moved to Star City sophomore year, it had been right in the middle of the soccer season. She had convinced Rip to let her join the team late, even if he didn’t let her play in games, and he had. Unfortunately, that was around the time that she had started acting out, desperate to get her mother’s attention any way she could. Her mom hadn’t cared. The only reason she had gotten her shit together at all after that was because Rip had taken an interest in her. She had apparently reminded him of himself at that age, and he made a point to introduce her to Gideon, who made it clear from the beginning that she liked Sara but wouldn’t tolerate any of her bullshit. She made Sara see that not only was she not going to get the attention she wanted from her mom by behaving that way, but that she might potentially ruin any chance she had at getting into a decent school and getting the hell out of Star City.

Gideon reminded Sara of Laurel a lot, and Sara was especially grateful for her presence that time of year when she was missing her sister so much. Gideon could obviously never replace Laurel or fill the hole that her death had left in Sara’s heart, but having someone who filled the big sister role in Sara’s life was a blessing, even more so because of the lack of emotional support she received from her own mother.

The pancakes finished cooking, and Gideon put them on some plates before she shooed Sara in the direction of the living room. Rip handed her a bottle of syrup on her way past and promised coffee soon. She took the bottle and the plates to where Amaya and Zari were seated on the couch, and pressed play to resume watching Brooklyn 99, and the three girls dug into their stacks of pancakes.

Rip and Gideon joined them soon after, and they all finished their food without a lot of talking. When they all finished, Gideon suggested Monopoly as the first game they could play and they all groaned. Gideon had a habit of crushing them at that game. Every. Single. Time. The closest anyone had ever come to beating her was when she had gotten the flu from a patient at work, and Sara had come over to hang out with her and Rip while she was out of work. Sara had only almost beaten Gideon because the older girl could barely function, but somehow she had still come out on top.

“God, Gideon, don’t you ever get tired of winning?” Zari asked with an exasperated sigh.

“Of course not, darling. That’s why I’m so good at it.” She winked at Sara as Zari rolled her eyes. Since no one else felt strongly enough about it, they decided on Monopoly and started clearing the coffee table, so they could set up the board.

 

* * *

 

 

Later that day, Sara was sitting in the kitchen with Gideon and Amaya while the other two watched a Premier League replay in the living room. She would’ve joined them, but they were arguing about whether or not Rip’s team deserved to be knocked out of the League for the current season, and Sara didn’t really have the energy to get caught up in that. She was doing her best to stay involved in whatever the rest of them were talking about, but she could feel herself getting more and more exhausted from the effort of pretending to be okay.

That morning, the five of them had played all of the board games that Amaya and Zari had brought, and to absolutely no one’s surprise, Gideon had won most of them. Maybe in consideration of Sara’s tough weekend, though, she kept the gloating to a relative minimum, only briefly telling everyone that she was better than them all in every conceivable way. When Zari had suggested afterwards that they should watch the replay of the Arsenal game from the day before, only Rip had taken her up on it, while the rest of them went into the kitchen to start on making lunch.

As Gideon started pulling out ingredients for the meal, Amaya asked Sara how her mom had reacted when she said she wanted to spend the weekend out of the house with her friends instead of at home with her mom.

“Honestly, ‘Maya? She didn’t even notice. All she said was, ‘okay, be safe.’ I don’t even think she _knows_ what tomorrow is.” Sara tapped the countertop of the bar where they were sitting in an effort to distract herself from the rising emotion in her throat and fought to push down whatever reaction she might have had to her mom’s indifference. She wasn’t sure whether it would have been harsh laughter or a sob, but either would’ve been enough to break the dam of her resolve to stay strong.

“What!?” Gideon tuned from the stove to ask, incredulous. “How is that even possible? How could a mother ever forget the day that her child was _murdered_?” She and Amaya looked at Sara in disbelief, but Sara just looked back down at her tapping fingers.

“I don’t know, but I think Jeff might have a lot to do with it. He’s always trying to get my mom to stop living in the past. At first, I was grateful because for a while it was like she had died too. When I first came to Star City, she barely even acknowledged that I was living with them.” Sara paused, choked up at the vivid memory of her mom laying in bed for days at a time, not eating, almost getting fired from her job at SCU, and forgetting to take Sara to school, causing her to collect a lot of detentions. “I knew I was never her favorite, but it was almost like when Laurel died, she stopped having any kids at all. Then, when my dad died, she shut down completely. How was she supposed to take care of me if she couldn’t even take care of herself?” Amaya laid a hand on Sara’s arm comfortingly.

“Finally, Jeff decided that enough was enough, and he made her clean herself up and start getting her life back together again, which included taking care of herself and me like a mother should. For a long time, I thought that it was because, in his own way, Jeff cared about me, and wanted my mom to be there for me. But I’m starting to think that he just couldn’t stand the idea of her spending that much time and energy on something besides him.”

Gideon and Amaya stared at Sara in horror at her last sentence.

“Have you talked to your mom about any of this?” Gideon asked. “That kind of seems like something she should be aware of.”

“No, G. She’s so blinded by gratitude to him for pulling her out of her depression, that even the idea that he is anything other than a kind, selfless individual is crazy to her,” Sara said, dejectedly. “Any time I try to bring up the way he talks to me, she starts yelling at me, saying that I’m just mad that he isn’t dad and that no one else with ever be enough for me. I’m literally just trying to get her to say something to him about it.”

“I mean, yeah, he’s not your dad. What does she expect, for you to just forget your dad ever existed and act like Jeff is all you’ve ever known?” Zari’s bewildered expression made Sara chuckle darkly.

“That’s what she did, so I guess. But like, he expects me to treat him like royalty and go out of my way to accommodate him when he treats me like trash, like an inconvenience that he’s only tolerating because of my mom.” Sara felt another strong urge to cry, but she blinked back any tears that might’ve escaped.

“I’m sorry, love. That’s a shitty situation to be in, especially since you don’t have any other family in this part of the country. If it becomes too much, or if things with Jeff escalate to physical violence, please know that you can stay with us. That we would want you to stay with us. I don’t want you to stay in that house if he hurts you just because you don’t know what else to do.” Gideon’s eyes were pleading. She nodded at the older woman and then let a few tears fall. “Oh, darling, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.” She pulled Sara into a quick, tight hug, and Sara shook her head.

“No, it’s not that. I’m just so thankful that Rip found me sophomore year. I don’t know what I would do without you guys.” Gideon kissed the top of her head, then moved away, back to where she had been standing next to the stove.

“You’ll never have to find out. I love you, kiddo.”

“I love you too, G.”

 

* * *

 

 

That night, after Amaya and Zari had to leave, Sara was slumped down on the couch, not quite watching the episode of Brooklyn 99 that was playing on the tv. Rip and Gideon had to make a quick run to the grocery store, so Sara was left alone with her thoughts, which naturally turned to her sister.

Even though September 2nd was the day that they had all found out about Laurel’s murder, the detectives who worked the case said that she had likely died the night before. That meant that three years from that moment was probably within the next hour. She hadn’t told any of the others about that fact, since she wanted to have a few moments alone to remember her sister and they wouldn’t want to leave her by herself if they knew. She also just wanted to enjoy the happiness and closeness that her friends had provided that day before she spiraled into her darker thoughts.

Three years before, on an otherwise unremarkable Tuesday night, Sara’s entire life had changed.

Laurel was a senior when Sara started high school. She was pretty, popular, and loved by everyone around her. Laurel was also on track to graduate as valedictorian and go to SCU for pre-law, before pursuing her dream law school, Yale. By all accounts, she was the perfect child, and Sara’s parents had adored her. They loved Sara, of course, but there was something special about Laurel and everyone could see it, especially Sara. She adored her older sister, and the two girls were best friends, despite being three years apart in age. Sara wanted to do everything that Laurel did, and Laurel was her sister’s biggest defender against any kids who teased her or called her names. Laurel was Sara’s hero, so when she was ripped away from her, Sara was left directionless and lost.

On the night of September 1st, Laurel had been out with her boyfriend, Oliver, his best friend, Tommy, and several other friends from school. The Lances trusted Laurel implicitly, so they didn’t keep too close an eye on her or expect regular check-ins. When it got to be two hours past her curfew, however, and all of their texts and calls had gone unanswered, they started to panic. They tried calling Oliver, Tommy, the boys’ parents, anyone they could get ahold of, but no one had any information. They sent Sara to bed, promising that they would wake her up when they heard something.

They heard nothing. Quentin insisted that Sara go to school the next morning, despite her protests, and said that he would call her when they found her sister. Almost the whole school day went by before she was called out of class and sent to the front office. Quentin and Dinah were there, in the office, sobbing. Sara understood immediately, and sank to the floor, all of the air leaving her lungs. She broke, kneeling on the office floor next to her weeping parents. She was sure that Laurel’s death was the end of her world.

And in some ways, it was.

They were told by the detectives that it had been a mob related hit in retaliation for a sting operation Quentin had been in charge of that ended in the arrest of about 15 people connected to the guy Quentin was trying to bring down. He hadn’t gotten close enough to know the boss’s name, just close enough to seriously piss him off. Rumors about the man referred to him as the ‘Dark Lord’ which Sara personally thought was a little too Harry Potter to take seriously, but Quentin and the CCPD had screwed up his operations enough that he wanted to make a statement by killing the detective’s ‘perfect’ daughter in retaliation.

The guilt of that knowledge weighed on Quentin in the year between Laurel’s death and his. It was that knowledge that cause Quentin and Dinah to divorce right before Thanksgiving during Sara’s freshman year. Both of her parents blamed Quentin for their daughter’s death, and so they angrily parted ways. Dinah couldn’t even bear to be in the city anymore, so she packed up and moved to Star City to work at the university, which was where she met Jeff. Quentin and Sara stayed in Central City, but Sara quickly realized that her dad would never be the same. He started staying late at the precinct, sometimes even spent the night there, and started drinking heavily to forget about everything in his life that had gone wrong in such little time. The stress got to him, and his health started declining, rapidly, especially after the day that marked the one-year anniversary of Laurel’s death. Sara had found him passed out on their living room floor surrounded by liquor bottles before she left for school that morning, and when she got back there were several more bottles and he was passed out in the kitchen.

After he died, and after Sara moved to Star City to live with her mom, she felt like she was disconnected from everything. With both of her heroes gone, she had no one to turn to, and all of the things that she used to enjoy meant nothing to her. She felt like nothing would every make her happy again after all the loss she had endured.

And for a while, nothing had.

Then she met Rip. Then Gideon. Then the Legends. Things started to look up for her. She got through the second half of sophomore year with only a few incidents and with grades good enough to make up for the abysmal ones she had gotten right after she moved.

But then it was September again, and the pain that she had tried to push down and keep from her new friends had come rushing back to the surface. She collapsed during soccer practice one day, and Rip had to carry her off the field because she was so overwhelmed with repressed pain and guilt that she couldn’t move. That had been one of the first times he ever invited her over to his house, and he and Gideon had done everything they could to help her cope with her feelings enough to be able to function again.

After that incident, Sara started to realize that she had to keep working through the feelings she had about the deaths of her sister and father. She couldn’t keep going the way she was, she was bound to break at some point. So, she started slowly opening up to some of her friends. Gideon was the easiest to talk to, but she came to appreciate the calming presence of Amaya, the solidarity that she felt with Zari, and the no-nonsense bluntness that Rip wielded to maximum effectiveness. Over time, she even started talking to some of the other Legends about it. Not in detail, but just some general things about her life before Star City.

There was still one thing that she had only ever talked to one person about. Something that she knew none of her friends would ever be able to understand. The only reason she had confessed it to anyone was because that person had been her dad’s partner for years: Mr. West. He had been Quentin’s partner on the force ever since Sara was a little girl, and she had grown up with his daughter, Iris, and adoptive son, Barry. Joe was kind of like a second father to her, and he knew Quentin better than anyone else, even Sara’s mom, so Sara liked to talk to him about her dad. One of the reasons he had moved to Star City was because after the raid that Quentin had led left him with severely limited mobility, his wife Francine left him, and gained full custody of Iris and Barry. He couldn’t be a police detective anymore, so he moved to be close to his ‘third child’ and work somewhere that could accommodate his disability better.

Sara was grateful that she had someone who she could talk to like a parent, someone who would never judge her for what she was feeling, and offer good advice, which was why she had confessed to him one day that she didn’t feel like she deserved to be alive. She had broken down in tears one day in the library after everyone else had left, and told him that, while she didn’t want to die, she did think that there had been a mistake made when Laurel died. How had Laurel, the perfect child, ever deserved to be killed in a senseless act of violent revenge? Why had the one who had such a promising future doing so much good in the world been the one whose life was cut short? Why had Sara not been the one who got shot? Surely her death wouldn’t have resulted in the same tragedies that followed the death of her sister. Everyone would have been sad, obviously, but maybe if Sara had died and Laurel had lived, their parents wouldn’t have divorced, Quentin wouldn’t have died, and Laurel would have been able to fulfill her destiny.

Sara was brought back to the present by a crushing weight on her chest and the sudden awareness that her heart was beating at almost twice its normal speed. She sucked in a deep breath and realized that her face was soaked with tears, as well as the whole front of her shirt. How that had happened, she didn’t know. She looked at the clock and realized that a whole half hour had gone by since Rip and Gideon left. Sara stood up quickly and hurried to the bathroom, anxious to try and clean herself up a little bit before they got back. She heard the sound of a car door and swore, closing the door and locking it in an attempt to keep them from seeing her like that.

It was going to be a long day the next day.

 

* * *

 

 

Rip drove Sara to school on Monday and said that he would drop her off at home after soccer practice that afternoon. He had to get there early to open the gym for anyone who got there before the first bell but didn’t want to sit in the cafeteria, so Sara was stuck going to the yearbook classroom super early again. She was hoping that Ava wouldn’t be there, and fortunately she wasn’t, so Sara sat in her usual seat in the back and tried to prepare herself for the day, tried to shake off the leftover emotions from the weekend.

Around 7:45, she heard the door open and hoped it was Mr. Stein, since students usually couldn’t leave the gym until 8:00. No such luck. She looked up into the cold eyes of Ava Sharpe, glaring at Sara like she was a bug Ava couldn’t wait to crush. Ava closed the door behind her and put her backpack down on her usual desk in the front before rounding on Sara.

“What are you doing here, Lance?” She asked, her jaw tightening as she spoke between clenched teeth.

“Could ask you the same, Sharpe. Not that it’s your business, but I got a ride this morning and they had to be here really early. I’m not doing anything sketchy with your precious yearbook equipment.” Ava almost nodded, but she froze, and fixed Sara with an even colder start than before.

“Did you... did you spend the _whole_ weekend with my brother?” Her voice was like ice, and her nostrils flared.

“What? Were you following me or something?” Sara asked, eyes wide. She was shocked. How did Ava know about that? She had asked everyone there to keep it to themselves, afraid that it would somehow get back to her mom and Jeff.

Ava just glared at her for another few seconds before answering. “No. I asked Rip if we could hang out on Friday after the game and he said he was busy. Then I asked about Sunday and he said he was busy all weekend. As I was leaving the field, I saw you getting into his car with him and Gideon. You’re saying he lied to me about it... because of _you_?” The talker girl’s fists were so tight they were starting to lose their color, and Sara thought that someone could’ve cut glass on Ava’s jaw because it was so sharp.

“Well, I’m terribly sorry that the only person who can stand you didn’t want to spend time with you this weekend, but you can’t blame me for that. I didn’t ask him to do it.” Sara was defensive now, but she still couldn’t tell Ava exactly why Rip had wanted her to spend the weekend with them.

“I definitely can blame you for it! You have no right to try and turn my brother against me just because you’re mad about your stupid phone!” Ava’s face was rapidly turning red, and she was beginning to yell.

“Look, I get that you don’t have that many people to choose from who actually like you, but you need to chill. I’m over the phone thing. It was shitty, but I’m not trying to ‘turn your brother against you.’” Sara paused, the desire to make someone else, particularly Ava Sharpe, hurt even a fraction as much as she did was overwhelming, so she continued, saying, “You and your parents have done that just fine on your own. He hates spending time with you and your ‘perfect family.’ Just go hang out with your mom like a good girl and leave me alone.” The anger in Ava’s eyes flickered to hurt for a moment, but then they were burning again.

“What the hell would you know about a perfect family?!” Ava yelled. “I get that half of yours is dead, but that doesn’t mean you have to try and take mine away!”

Silence.

Sara’s mouth had dropped open as Ava’s eyes widened like she couldn’t believe she had just said that. Ava slapped a hand over her mouth as Sara slowly stood up, her eyes hard and menacing as a cold fury burned through her.

“What the fuck did you say to me?” Ava opened her mouth to speak, but Sara cut her off. “No. You know what? Don’t fucking speak to me. I don’t care what you think you know about me, but you don’t get to say shit like that to me. Stay away from me.” Sara blinked back the tears that pushed against her eyes and threatened to spill down her cheeks. She thought about leaving again, but at that moment the door opened, and people started filling the room. They seemed unaware of what they had accidentally walked into, so Sara just stared down the other girl, who seemed to have the decency to at least look remorseful, without saying anything. She just sat back down in her chair and didn’t look at anyone for the rest of class.

 

The rest of the day passed without so much as a glance from Ava, which Sara was thankful for. When she got to soccer practice that afternoon, she went hard. She was running faster and tackling more viciously than usual, so after about the fifth time she made one of the defenders eat turf, Zari pulled her aside.

“Look, Sara, I know you’re probably still feeling off because of everything this weekend, but you’re the captain. You need to chill and stop being reckless, or you’re either going to hurt yourself or someone else.” Sara just dropped her head in shame, because she knew Zari was right. She was being careless.

“Sorry, Z, but it’s not really about this weekend. I had another fight with Ava Sharpe this morning. She, uh, said some things that made me angry, and I haven’t been able to shake it all day.”

“What was it?” Zari was waiting for Sara to answer before she decided whether or not to get angry as well, Sara knew, which was why she hesitated to tell her. She could tell that Ava regretted it as soon as she said it, but after the weekend she had just had, what Ava said struck something deep within Sara, and she was pissed. She made up her mind.

“I said something about her family being perfect and she said ‘What would you know about a perfect family? Half of yours is dead.’ Or something like that.” Sara had looked away as she spoke, but when she turned back to the other girl, she saw the immediate wrath that appeared on Zari’s face.

“I’m going to kill her.” Zari’s eyes were dark, and Sara believed for a second that she actually would.

“No, Z, it’s not worth it. We already knew she was a heartless bitch, I just never want to talk to her again.” Sara sighed, and looked back at the players on the field who were practicing shooting drills. Zari put her hand on Sara’s arm to get her attention, a serious look on her face.

“We _will_ get her back, dude. There’s no way she gets away with that.”

“Ms. Lance! Ms. Tomaz! Get back on the field, please!” Rip called from where he was standing by one of the goals.

They jogged back to get in their positions, and as they passed him, Zari said to Rip, “You need to get your sister in check or the Legends will have to do something.”

“What the hell does that mean, Z?” Rip asked, concern written all over his face. He had clearly seen how Sara was playing before and knew that something was wrong.

“Ask Ava.” His frown deepened as they jogged away, and he turned back to watch the players, but didn’t pay attention for the rest of the practice.

 

Tuesday went by in slow motion. It seemed like Ava was everywhere, and Sara was trying desperately to avoid her. She had ducked down so many unnecessary hallways and into random classrooms that she nearly doubled the time it took her between classes. Finally, it was over, and since it was the one day they didn’t have practice or a game, Sara went home after school to study for an AP Calc test she had the next day. Math wasn’t too bad, but science was really where her interests lay, and she had to try harder at calculus than at biology. She fell asleep that night and dreamt of watching old sci-fi films with her dad.

Sara had hoped that Wednesday would go by faster, and with as little commotion as possible, but of course, she could never be that lucky.

The first time it happened was in yearbook. She had gotten to class when at the same time as a large group of people, so as to avoid direct contact with Ava as much as possible, which wouldn’t have mattered anyway since Ava was discussing one of the pages with Nora at the latter’s desk. Sara sat down and got to work on planning her next page, boys’ soccer. The next thing she knew, there was a loud crash and a scream, and when Sara looked up, Ava was on the floor amid several broken pieces of her chair. She looked up at the room, and when she realized they were all staring at her, she excused herself to the bathroom, her face suspiciously pink. Once she was gone, several people started chuckling until Nora and Kuasa sent them all hard looks, and they got quiet again.

Sara couldn’t help but think that Ava had kind of deserved it. Karma truly was a bitch.

It wasn’t until after second period that Sara started to suspect that the bitch was probably named something more like Zari.

Ava had come back to yearbook, head held high like nothing had ever happened, so Sara wasn’t sure why Ava wasn’t in calc when she got there, but the real surprise came about ten minutes into class when Ava finally entered. Her cheeks were flushed as she gave Dr. Bennett a quick apology for interrupting a test and moved to her desk at the front. It looked like she was trying to make as little noise as possible as she gently pulled out her chair and sat down. The second she tried to scoot forward, though, one of the legs gave way and she tumbled to the floor a second time with a shout. Dr. Bennett spun toward her, shocked.

“Ms. Sharpe! Are you okay?” Ava slowly looked up at the classroom and again found everyone staring at her. This time, her eyes filled with tears and she picked herself up and rushed out of the room without a word. Again, some people started giggling once she left the room. Sara could see Jax next to her, and he looked like he was about to bust a rib from trying not to fall out of his chair from laughing. Dr Bennett hushed them and then left the classroom, presumably to go look for Ava.

“Dude. Jax. Did you guys do that?” Sara whispered. Everyone else had started talking once Bennett had left the room, but she didn’t want anyone to hear what they might be talking about.

“Yeah! Wasn’t it hilarious? We did all of her chairs like that, but I kinda feel like she isn’t going to fall for it a third time. Heh. Fall for it. Anyway, Zari didn’t tell us the whole story, she just said Ava was a huge bitch to you, and that we needed to get some payback.” He grinned, proudly, and Sara felt a surge of affection for her ridiculously loyal friends. Don’t cry, Sara, don’t cry.

“Thanks, man.” She bumped his fist and went back to her test. Just because Ava made a fool out of herself didn’t mean that Sara had to fail calculus.

 

* * *

 

 

Sara didn’t see Ava at all for the rest of the day. She assumed that the other girl had been too embarrassed to show her face after stories of the incidents started to spread. According to Zari and Nate, the other chairs that had been damaged were removed by the custodial staff so that they could be repaired. Sara knew that meant that the administrators had gotten involved, she just hoped that it didn’t come back and bite them in the ass.

On Thursday, Sara got to school a little early in a renewed effort to stay away from Jeff as much as possible during the week. She was loitering in the lobby next to the offices, so she didn’t have to be around a lot of people in the gym, when she saw the door to the principal’s office open. Ava Sharpe walked out, accompanied by their principal, Mr. Savage. He shook Ava’s hand and said, “Thank you, Ms. Sharpe. You’ve been very helpful. If you have any more information, please stop by any time.” She nodded at him and then turned to walk down the hall. She froze when she saw Sara standing there. Sara watched as Ava’s jaw tightened and she gave Sara a significant look. Then, she clasped her hands behind her back and strode past Sara, down the hallway to the gym.

Shit. That couldn’t be good.

Sure enough, during fourth period, Sara was called out of her P.E. class to the office to speak with Savage and the school resource officer. She was taken into the principal’s office, and the two men sat down across the desk from her.

“Ms. Lance,” Principal Savage began, “I assume you know about the unfortunate incidents that happened to Ava Sharpe yesterday?” He raised his eyebrows expectantly, though Sara knew that it was mostly rhetorical.

“Well, I was in both of those classes with her, so yeah.” Sara wasn’t sure where the meeting was going, but the suspicious, knowing way they were looking at her didn’t give her much hope that it would be good.

“A coincidence that you, a known trouble maker, were in the only two classes that were affected?” Savage looked at Sara appraisingly. She knew that he was testing her, that he wanted to see if she would give up any information that wasn’t already public knowledge, like the fact that all of Ava’s chairs had been tampered with, not just the first two. He wanted her to make a mistake, so he could accuse her of being behind it, despite the fact that she didn’t even know about it until Ava was already on her ass. Luckily, Sara wasn’t stupid. She knew that she couldn’t give up the rest of the Legends, but she was also sure that Ava had been in there earlier that day, making accusations and trying to make sure Sara was punished. As if Ava didn’t deserve at least a little bit of humiliation after what she said to Sara.

She put on her best innocent face and said, “Sorry, sir, but I don’t see how it could be anything but a coincidence. I haven’t spoken to Ms. Sharpe all year except about school related business.” Sara looked at the resource officer, a burly man named Thawne. He looked back at her with what seemed like amusement. Weird.

“Funny, that’s not what I’ve heard. In fact, we had someone in here earlier today who stated the exact opposite.” Savage smirked at her from behind his desk.

That bitch.

“Even if I was lying, you have no proof that I did anything to her.”

“On the contrary, we have video evidence of your hooligan friends going into each classroom that was affected yesterday after classes ended.” Damn. They hadn’t been careful enough. “Technically, you weren’t on the tapes, but we know you were the one behind it.”

“That makes no sense. If I wasn’t on camera, you can’t prove that I did anything, and you can’t punish me for something I didn’t do.” Savage leaned forward in his chair and smiled threateningly.

“We have trusted sources that say you are the ringleader, the mastermind behind the prank, so to speak. While I don’t have proof of your physical involvement, I can punish you for planning everything.”

“I would continue to argue, but it seems like you’ve already made up your mind. What is my punishment going to be?” Sara rolled her eyes. Savage was not a reasonable man, and it was best to just hope for a light sentence.

“You, and the rest of your ‘Legends’ as you foolishly like to call yourselves, will have in-school suspension starting tomorrow and lasting until next Wednesday. This precludes any extracurricular activities, academic clubs, or sports competitions.”

Fuck, the soccer game tomorrow. Rip was going to murder them.

“Fine. Can I go now?” She shot another glare at both men as she stood.

“Yes, Ms. Lance. You are dismissed.”

Sara walked out of his office ready to scream. She wondered if the others had been informed of their predicament, or if Rip knew that two of his starters wouldn’t be able to play the next day. She should probably go tell him, and since it was still the lunch hour he was probably in his office.

She knocked on his door and after he yelled for her to come in, she opened it and found him looking over plays and potentials lineups for the game against one of the other high schools in Star City. It was a small private school that under normal circumstances wouldn’t have been a problem for SCHS, but with Sara and Zari out, it would likely be a close game.

“Sara? Are you okay?” Rip looked unsure why she would be in his office in the middle of the day. “Aren’t you supposed to be in my class that’s in the gym right now?”

“Yeah, but I just came from Savage’s office. He called me in there to talk about what happened to Ava. You’ve heard about that, right?” Rip’s face was apprehensive at the mention of his sister.

“Yes, of course I’ve heard. Why did Savage want to talk to you about it?”

“Because he thinks I was the one who planned it. They have Z and Jax and probably also Nate on camera going into all of the classrooms on Tuesday afternoon, but they think that I came up with the idea. I didn’t even know about it until Ava ran out of calculus crying!” Sara threw her hands up in exasperation. She didn’t know how she still got caught up in these things.

“So why do they think you had anything to do with it?” Rip was just confused at that point.  Sara could tell that he didn’t want to choose a side, but his concern for both Sara and Ava was on display, the emotions conflicting with each other.

“Your sister was in there this morning, probably telling them about how we’ve been fighting. Savage thanked her for her help and useful information.” Rip looked at her, disbelief clear in his eyes.

“But… she had no proof that you did anything. Neither does Savage. Even if Ava did tell Savage any of that, which I’m not sure she would, why would he punish you based solely on her word?” Sara rolled her eyes.

“I think we all know the answer to that question. They still think I’m a problem kid, even though I’m probably in the top five in my class, and Ava is the ‘golden student.’ It’s not the first time I’ve been in this situation.” Rip nodded absently at her.

“I will talk to Ava about it. I don’t want to get in the middle of this, but I also don’t want the two of you to fight, and I’m afraid this will only escalate if I don’t get involved. What did Savage say your punishment will be?” Sara swallowed against the nerves that crept into her throat.

“Four days of in-school suspension. Starting tomorrow.” Rip’s mouth dropped open.

“What!? That’s pretty harsh.”

“Yeah, and it means Z and I will have to miss the game tomorrow night.”

“Shit. You’re right.” Rip looked down at his notes and sighed. “I’ll talk to Savage about it. I don’t know what I can do for Zari since they have her on video and Ava was hurt a little bit, but I will ask if anything can be done about your punishment.”

“Thanks, Rip. I’m sorry about this, and I’m sorry that Ava got hurt. I’m still pissed at her, but I didn’t want anything like this to happen.” Rip sighed again and shook his head.

“I know, Sara. Now get back to class.”

 

* * *

 

 

Unfortunately for Sara, nothing could be done about her in-school suspension. She spent all of Friday in the room set aside for ISS, and then had to go home immediately after school. She was not allowed to even sit on the bench with the team during the game, and Rip had told her that Savage had hinted that she shouldn’t even come watch the game.

So, she drove herself home, and was immediately on edge when she pulled into her driveway. She could see that a light was on in her mom’s bedroom, and her mother’s car was not parked in front of the house. That could only mean that Jeff was awake, which was very unusual for that time of day. When she entered the house, she could hear the sounds of the tv in the living room; Jeff was watching the sports highlights from the day before. He apparently heard her come in, because she heard him yell over the noise of the tv.

“Hey, kid! Come in here. We need to have a little chat.” Shit. That didn’t sound good. Sara dropped her bag by the stairs and walked into the living room. As soon as she entered, Jeff muted the tv and stood to face her. “So. I got an interesting call from your principal earlier. Care to explain why you and your hooligan friends were harassing one of Star City High School’s best students?”

Sara rolled her eyes at the way he talked about Ava. Jesus, not in her own house. She said, “I didn’t do anything. My friends decided to prank her, and the admins think that I had something to do with it. I didn’t.” Jeff crossed his arms and squinted at her.

“Then why does Mr. Savage think that you did? More importantly, how you could let your friends do something like that?”

Sara huffed. “I don’t know why Savage is so set on me being behind it, and I didn’t know about it until it had already happened. My friends were just-” Sara cut herself off. In order to defend herself, she would have to bring up what Ava had said to her, which involved her dad. Jeff always got weirdly angry when Quentin Lance was brought up, and Sara was not eager to deal with that today.

“Your friends were just what?” He raised his eyebrows, expectantly.

“Nothing.”

“You had better tell me unless you want me to call your mom right now and tell her about your suspension.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone.

“Fine! They were just protecting me.”

“Protecting you from what? How is humiliating the best student in your class ‘protecting’ you?” Sara took a deep breath before answering, praying for the best.

“She said some really mean things about my dad. And Laurel. They were trying to keep her from doing it again.”

Jeff’s face started to get red, and his nostrils flared as he clenched his jaw and then said in a much louder voice, “What the hell, Sara? What do _they_ have to do with anything?”

“What do they have to do with anything!?” Sara was beginning to get frustrated with Jeff’s dismissive tone when talking about her family. “Half of my family died, and she shoved that in my face to win an argument that was stupid in the first place.”

“God, why are you still so upset about them? They died. Get over it.” His disgust was clear on his face as he spat the last few words at her.

Sara was speechless. She knew he didn’t like it when her mom talked about her dead, ex-husband (which she didn’t do very often anyway), but for him to dismiss their deaths as meaningless with no empathy in his voice was something else entirely.

“Excuse me?! How dare you?” Sara was mad. Her voice was raised, and her eyes felt like they could’ve burned holes into him.

“You heard me. I’m sorry your sister was killed because your mom really misses her because they seemed to have more in common than you and your mom ever will. But your dad was a loser, and a drunk. She’s better off with him gone, just like she would be better off if you were out of her life too. She doesn’t need you. You’re going to end up just like him.” Sara’s chest constricted, and she couldn’t breathe. Somehow, Jeff had known exactly where to hit her to make it hurt the most, had known her deepest fear. Sara had idolized Quentin Lance when she was a little kid and was the definition of a ‘daddy’s girl.’ She had wanted to be just like him when she grew up, strong, brave, and kind.

It wasn’t until high school that she started to see herself in the darker parts of him, how he withdrew into himself and took all the blame for what happened to Laurel on himself. That was when she realized exactly how alike they already were, and it scared her. She didn’t want to go down the same dark path that he had, which was part of the reason she had tried to turn her life around after the disastrous first few months at SCHS. For Jeff to casually throw that in her face, intentional or not, was way past the line.

Sara knew what she was about to say would be pushing it, pushing Jeff, toward the edge of something dangerous, especially since her mom wasn’t there to step in if things got out of hand, but she couldn’t stop herself. “At least I won’t end up like you. I would be proud to be as brave and kind and good as my dad, but I might actually kill myself if I knew I was going to have to be as dumb and manipulative as you.”

Jeff’s face truly came alive with fury at that, the vein in his forehead bulging, and he advanced on her with a finger pointed threateningly at her face. “Listen here, you little bitch. If you ever speak to me that way again, I will beat you until you can’t feel it anymore. Your mom wouldn’t even stop me. She knows you deserve it for all the shit you’ve put her through the last few years. She doesn’t love you like she loved your sister.” Sara’s blood froze, turning to shards of ice in her veins. She had definitely had that thought a few times, herself, but to hear someone else say it out loud was almost too much. But she pushed down her reaction, unwilling to show any fear or uncertainty in front of the large man.

“I know.”

Just then, the front door creaked open, and Sara could hear her mom coming in, the sound of rustling grocery bags loud in the hallway. Sara turned and walked quickly toward the front hall where her mom was and grabbed her backpack.

Dinah startled at the sight of her. “Oh, Sara? I didn’t expect to see you home so early. Don’t you have a game tonight or something?” Sara looked over her shoulder at Jeff who was still glaring at her, out of sight of her mom.

“It was cancelled actually. I’m going to go study with Zari for that World Civ test since we have the afternoon off. See you later.” And with that, Sara was back out the door. She wasn’t sure where to go, but she knew that if she was in the house with Jeff any longer things would escalate even further, maybe past the point from which she could return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will have a bit of Ava's side of the chair incident, so stay tuned.


	7. all you have to do is call, and I'll be there (yeah, yeah, yeah)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava reacts to the chair incident, she and Rip have a heart to heart, Gary comes back, and Ava saves Sara's ass.

Ava was having a truly horrible week. It all started on Monday when she and Sara had gotten into that stupid argument about Rip and then Ava had opened her big mouth and said something so cruel that she immediately wanted to cry. She couldn’t even imagine how Sara must have felt. She regretted what she said so much, but afterwards, Sara wouldn’t even look at her. Ava knew that she had two choices at that point, to either behave the same way she had last time Sara was ignoring her, which was what had gotten them into the whole mess in the first place, or she could give Sara some time and distance to calm down and then try to apologize when Sara was ready. She decided on the second option, as she wasn’t eager to repeat the same petty actions as last time, and she didn’t want to spend all of her senior year trapped in a feud with someone, even if that someone was Sara Lance.

So, Ava kept her mouth shut for the rest of the day and the next. She kept almost running into Sara in the hallways, but at the last second, Sara would disappear, so Ava knew that the other girl was actively avoiding her. Which, fair. She just kept her head down and tried to focus on her schoolwork as the guilt of what she had said to Sara and how she had undoubtedly made the other girl feel weighed on her.

On Wednesday, Ava was just expecting more of the same. She knew that it would probably be quite a while before Sara was okay enough to let Ava apologize, so she wasn’t surprised when Sara went out of her way to avoid any contact with Ava. She was very aware of Sara’s entrance at the beginning of yearbook, but she kept her head down, pretending to listen intently to whatever Nora was telling her so she wouldn’t spook the other girl.

What Ava wasn’t expecting was to crash to the floor, surrounded by the broken pieces of her chair that apparently also thought that she was a terrible person and decided to punish her. She had to leave the room when she realized that everyone else in the room was staring at her, her face a little pink, but on the bright side, she thought, at least her unfortunate accident had made Sara look at her again. Even though it was just a passive, emotionless expression, Ava was hopeful that it was slight progress. That had been all she needed to pull herself together and stride back into the classroom with her head held high, content to pretend for the moment that nothing had even happened.

After yearbook, though, Kuasa and Nora had pulled her aside to make sure she was actually okay, and she had started panicking. Everyone had been trying to repress their laughter when she came back in and they were probably all going to immediately tell their friends and the whole school was going to know in like half an hour. Nora had needed to do some breathing exercises with her, which wasn’t uncommon since Ava was known to get worked up over things like that.

In calculus, Ava was embarrassed enough that she was late to her TA period, which was made worse by the fact that she was interrupting a test, that what happened when she tried to sit down pushed her over the edge. Again, she found herself sitting amidst her ruined chair and the entire class looked up from their tests to stare at her in shock and with barely concealed amusement. That time, Ava hadn’t been able to hold it together. She looked at where Sara was sitting with Jefferson and took in his gloating, triumphant expression and Sara’s utter disinterest and then ran out of the room as fast as she could get her legs under her, tears burning in her eyes.

As she limped down the hall to get as far away from Dr. Bennett’s room as possible, the throbbing pain in her knee served as a pointed reminder that maybe she had actually deserved a little bit of humiliation. No, she _definitely_ did. She could endure the teasing that would almost definitely follow her for a while if it meant that Sara felt at all better about the situation. Because Ava was sure that Sara was somehow behind what had just happened to her. There was no way that the fact that only her chair had collapsed in both classes she shared with Sara was a coincidence.

She should probably let someone know what had happened, so they could check the chairs in her remaining classes for damage. She could only hope that no one else had already been hurt because of her.

Dr. Bennett caught up with her in the hall fairly easily due to her slight injury. He instructed her to go to the nurse’s office first, to see about her knee, and then to report what had happened to the principal. She agreed and apologized again for causing a disruption in class, which he dismissed, saying that he was just concerned about her. As she made her way down toward the offices, she ran into a custodian and asked him to check on her third period class as soon as possible, in case she didn’t get out of the principal’s office in time, and said that she would find him later to show him where the rest were.

The nurse gave her an ice pack and told her that she would need to take it easy the next few days to give her knee time to heal, but that it was just a sprain and there would be no lasting damage. After she promised to either go to a doctor or check in with him again on Monday, she went to find the principal. Once she got to his office, she was informed that he was out for the day, but would be back on Thursday, and his secretary told Ava that she would schedule a meeting before classes started the next morning. Ava thanked her and went to find the custodian, who had already removed the damaged chair in her AP Macroeconomics classroom, and together they found that every single one of her chairs had been tampered with enough that they would’ve collapsed if someone sat in them.

Ava didn’t see Sara for the rest of the day, since she only returned to Dr. Bennett’s room to retrieve her belongings once class had ended, and she was honestly disappointed. Surely Sara would want to rub Ava’s embarrassment in her face to make herself feel like she had something to hold over Ava after their confrontation. Whatever the case, it meant that Sara was still avoiding her, and doing a good job of it, which hurt more than she wanted to admit, even to herself. Ava went home that day exhausted from the intensity of the emotions she had experienced in such a short period of time. Her mother, the only one home for dinner that night, didn’t seem to notice, and just continued to push Ava about applying to and attending Yale, a conversation that Ava was only too happy to block out.

The next morning, Ava went to school half an hour early to meet with Principal Savage, who was very interested to hear about what had transpired while he was away. Once she was finished recounting her story, Savage leaned back in his chair for several long moments, before leaning forward again and asking, “Is there anyone who you think might’ve done it?” Ava paused, unsure how to respond. Even though she was fairly certain that Sara was the one who organized the whole thing, she had no proof. And even if she did, she didn’t _want_ to get the other girl in any more trouble. Sara deserved to have this victory, and Ava didn’t want to cause her any more pain than she already had, not to mention all the pain that she was sure the other girl carried with her all the time. So, instead of telling Savage about her suspicions, she just shook her head.

“No, sorry. No one comes to mind.” Savage brought his hands up off the desk so that his fingertips pressed together in front of his mouth as he rested on his elbows, and he gave her a long, searching look.

“Are you sure? Not even one Ms. Sara Lance?” She fought the urge to raise her eyebrows in surprise and tried to keep her face as still as possible, only moving it to arch one eyebrow in a silent question. “A trusted source tells me that you and she have not been on good terms lately, and she’s always one of my first suspects when it comes to mischief like this.” Ava just shrugged.

“On the contrary, Principal Savage, Sara and I are good friends. Rarely do we fight, and even when we do, she would never do something as dangerous as this to get back at me. It must be someone else.”

“Really?” Savage didn’t seem the least bit convinced. “I find it hard to believe that a student of your caliber, Ms. Sharpe, would willingly consort with a menace like Sara Lance. She and that posse of hers are the worst, least cooperative group of students at SCHS.” Ava shrugged again.

“I’m sorry, Principal Savage, I don’t know what you want me to say. I don’t think that Sara, or any of the Legends for that matter, had anything to do with this. The only person I’ve had any trouble with recently has been my ex-boyfriend, Jonah. I think he’s upset with me for ending things, so maybe ask him.”

Savage fixed her with another searching look, but then stood up from behind his desk and waved his hand in a gesture for her to leave his office. He followed her out the door, and Ava saw his eyes widen a little before her shook her hand, saying, “Thank you, Ms. Sharpe. You’ve been very helpful. If you have any more information, please stop by any time.” She nodded at him, while privately intending to do nothing of the sort.

When she turned to go to the gym, she saw Sara Lance standing there in the office lobby. She was staring at Ava, a curious, guarded look on her face at the sight of her with Savage, and Ava felt her stomach start twisting with a strange, foreign sensation. She guessed it was just lingering guilt, but she figured that what she had just told Savage, or rather not told, would be enough to lift some of that weight. She fixed Sara with a look that she hoped conveyed how sorry she was and also that Sara didn’t need to worry, Ava hadn’t ratted her out. Sara just kept looking at her suspiciously, so Ava just lifted her chin and clasped her hands behind her back as she walked past Sara, trying to keep control of that strange feeling in her stomach. Maybe after that, the situation with Sara could be fixed.

 

* * *

 

 

Or maybe it couldn’t. Ava didn’t see Sara a single time on Friday, not in class, not randomly in the hall, and most disconcertingly, not at the soccer game that night. Ava had to admit, at least to herself, that she had only gone to see if Sara was just really good at avoiding her, or if there was something wrong. She herself was trying to avoid Rip as much as possible, still hurt that he had evidently chosen Sara over her and apparently hated hanging out with her at all. But, when she saw that Sara wasn’t on the field or sitting on the bench, she had to know what was up, so she made her way over to where Rip was standing as all the players left the field after the game ended.

“Hey, Rip. Is Sara okay?” He jumped, not having seen her, before his face grew serious as he considered how to answer.

“Not really… Do you have plans after this? We need to talk.” He had looked over to where Gideon was sitting in the stands watching them and shook his head, gesturing toward Ava. She saw Gideon scowl slightly before turning to leave the stands. “Let me just pack up my stuff and we can head over to Big Belly Burger.”

Ava waited as Rip gathered his things, spoke briefly to a few parents, and then waved her toward the parking lot. “We’ll have to take your car, I’ve sent Gideon home in ours. Can you drop me off afterwards?”

“Yeah, no problem.” They drove in silence to the nearest location of the burger chain, Ava lost in swirling thoughts and anxiety about what could be wrong with Sara, and why Rip needed to talk to her. She knew that he had his issues with their dad, and even more with their mom, but he couldn’t be about to tell her that he didn’t want to see her anymore, could he? Or maybe that’s exactly what this was. Maybe he was so fed up with her family and with her over all of the stuff that had happened with Sara that he was fully prepared to cut all contact. She had really fucked up, hadn’t she? For all her accomplishments and awards and academic achievements, Ava was really not very good at people. She had always had trouble interpreting people’s actions, especially when they were motivated by emotion. She shouldn’t have reacted to Sara the way she did, and she shouldn’t have told Rip about her mom. He was going to sit her down and tell her that he couldn’t be around people who were homophobic like her mom, and by extension her, or people who said mean things about people’s dead family members.

Ava was fully spiraling by the time they pulled up to the restaurant, and she blindly followed Rip inside, hoping desperately that she would be able to convince him not to hate her. They ordered, and then found a table in the back corner, away from most of the rest of the people who were there, and Ava’s anxiety increased.

“Ava,” Rip began, “Are you okay?”

Well. That wasn’t what she had expected him to say. She blinked at him for a few seconds before she was able to ask, “What?”

“I’m worried about you.” Ava still wasn’t sure why he wasn’t yelling at her. Surely, he was angry with her for everything she had said to Sara. But there he was, concern visible on his face as he stared at her across the table. “I know there were a few things that happened this week that must have been hard to deal with, and I wanted to check in with you. See how you were holding up.”

“So… you _didn’t_ bring me here to yell at me for what I said to Sara?” Her brain was slowly catching up with what was happening.”

“I don’t know what you said to Sara, so no. But, even if I did, I’m just here because you’re my sister and I care about you.”

“She didn’t tell you what I said?” Ava was confused again. Why wouldn’t Sara have told Rip about their fight? She had been awful and spiteful and she was sure that Sara would’ve told him, if only because she wanted to yell about it.

“No, Ava. I know something happened that upset Sara, and then Zari said the Legends were going to do something if I didn’t do anything about it, but before I had gotten a chance to ask you about it, they had tampered with your chairs. I’m sorry about that, by the way. I’ve had words with Zari and let her know that if she ever did something like that again, there would be serious consequences. I heard you were injured as well, is that true?”

“Yeah, I hurt my knee a little, but I’m fine. And okay, let me start from the beginning.” So, she told him about her confrontation with Sara that Monday, and when she told him the reason behind it, he made a noise as though he was going to interrupt, but she held up a hand so he would let her finish. She told him that Sara had been ignoring her, but that this time, she was going to wait for Sara to be okay before she tried to apologize. She gave the basic details of how two of her chairs had collapsed and how she had suspected Sara and the Legends were responsible. She also recounted what had been said in the principal’s office. “So, I told him he should ask Jonah about it, because I didn’t want to cause Sara any more trouble.” Rip looked confused when she finished, mostly about her conversation with Savage.

“Wait, so you didn’t tell him Sara was behind it?” Ava shook her head. “She said that you had.”

“Why would she think that?” Ava was lost. Sure, they had argued, but she had tried to let Sara know that she was done when she left Savage’s office.

“She was given four days of ISS, starting today. That’s why she wasn’t at the game tonight. They had Zari and Nate on camera, I think, Sara didn’t even know the prank was going to happen until you had already fallen, but they gave her the same punishment as everyone else. Sara was sure you had said something to make him suspect her.” Ava was shocked. Four days? Over a dumb prank Sara hadn’t even known about?

“That’s ridiculous! Why would he do that to her? He was the one who asked me if I suspected her, but I said no. How could he give her punishment that severe with no proof? Like, I kind of understand punishing Ms. Tomaz and the rest because they were caught on tape, but it’s completely unfair to do that to an innocent bystander.” Ava was furious. She knew that Savage wasn’t the best, most impartial man, but to give someone that much ISS on a hunch, an incorrect hunch to boot, was not acceptable.

“I know, and I tried to talk to the Principal about it, but he wouldn’t listen. Said I was biased since I wanted Sara to play tonight. I guess he just didn’t care that you and I are related.” Rip shrugged, annoyed by the principal’s skewed idea of fairness.

“Maybe I can get dad to go talk to him. I know it doesn’t change the fact that she couldn’t play tonight, but maybe dad can go intimidate him into taking it off her permanent record. You know, since he’s a lawyer.”

“Would you really do that?” Rip looked surprised. “Sara was under the impression, as was I for that matter, that you didn’t like her at all.”

“Look, I might not be Sara Lance’s biggest fan, but it was wrong for Savage to punish her for something she didn’t do, especially since he had no proof. I’ll ask dad tomorrow and see what he can do.”

Rip looked at her thoughtfully for a moment, before saying, “Okay, enough about Sara, or at least enough about her and ISS. What’s going on with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“First, why do you think that anyone could ever ‘steal me’ from you? I’m your brother, Aves, I love you. Nothing is going to change that.”

Ava hesitated, not wanted to bring up her conversation with her mother but needing confirmation. “Not even what I told you about what my mother said? How homophobic she is and what she implied about Sara?” Rip just shook his head sadly.

“No, kiddo. I already knew your mother was a massive bitch—sorry—”

“No, you’re not wrong.”

“Anyway, I’m not about to hold your mother’s prejudices against you. You turned out alright, despite who raised you.”

“It wasn’t for lack of trying on her part.”

“On a somewhat related note, how did you know about what you said about Sara’s father and sister?”

“I overheard her in the library one day.” He gave her a disapproving look. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, I swear! And I haven’t said anything to anyone else. I just feel really terrible about what I said to Sara. I was so mad, and it just slipped out. It’s not an excuse, I know, but I got completely caught up in the moment and I regret it a lot, which is why I’m going to apologize to Sara the first chance I get. Well, assuming she ever speaks to me again since she thinks I got her suspended.” Ava lowered her head into her hands, the frustration she was feeling about the whole situation tripling with that new development.

“I’m going to talk to her about it soon, don’t worry. I’ll let her and Z know that you didn’t give them up to Savage.” Rip leaned back into the booth, a contemplative look crossing his face. “Aside from everything that’s happened at school, how are you doing? You seem more on edge than usual.”

Ava swiped her hand down her face and tried to gather herself. “I mean, other than my mother apparently being a huge asshole, hating my best friend, and basically threatening me with being cut off it I go anywhere besides Yale? Nah, not much.” She paused as their food was brought out, and then said, “I guess I just feel really trapped right now. My mother is putting all this pressure on me and pretty much trying to dictate my life, but we want very different things. And if I disagree with her at all, she comes down even harder. After that one argument we had a couple weeks ago, she told me to stay in my room all weekend unless she personally let me out.”

“Aves, that’s horrible. I don’t know exactly how it feels, since she isn’t my mother and I’m allowed a certain degree of apathy toward her dictatorial tendencies, but I do get how it feels to have pressure on you from your parents. When I told dad that I didn’t want to be a lawyer and that instead I was going to be a coach and gym teacher, I thought he was going to murder me on the spot.” Rip let out a short, humorless laugh. “He still refuses to acknowledge that I didn’t follow in his footsteps. Karen is the only one who ever brings it up, and I know she does it to drive a wedge between us. She doesn’t approve of my profession, or Gideon’s for that matter. Karen thinks that we reflect poorly on dad, and wants him to keep his distance from us.”

“Oh. Wow. I knew she wasn’t your hugest fan, but I just figured that it was because you were a reminder of dad’s last marriage.”

“That too.” Rip laughed again and ate a few bites of his burger. They sat quietly for a few minutes, both lost in their own heads as they ate their food. Finally, Rip broke the silence. “You know, if you need to get out of the house, you can always come to mine.”

Ava huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, somehow I don’t think Gideon would like that very much. She despises me.”

“That’s not true!” Ava just rolled her eyes and looked down at her tray. “Okay, I’ll admit, she doesn’t particularly care for you. But its mostly because she really does hate your mother and she thinks you’re just like her.”

Ava shrugged and played with het straw wrapped to keep her hands busy. “I guess she wouldn’t have any reason to believe otherwise. She hadn’t exactly given me the chance to prove myself to be different.”

“That’s fair.” Rip nodded, looking a little uncomfortable. “Tell you what, I’ll have a chat with my wife about giving you a chance, and you’ll let me know when you need to escape for a while. You can come over and we’ll eat popcorn and watch mindless television until you feel better. That’s what we always do for—” Rip cut himself off abruptly. He looked like a deer in headlights, eyes wide and face frozen like he had been about to reveal something he shouldn’t have. Ava decided it was best to let him know that she knew what was going on.

“What you do for Sara. Yeah, I know.” Ava hadn’t told him that part earlier. She wasn’t sure it was relevant, and she didn’t want to reveal exactly why she had accused Sara of ‘stealing’ her brother. “I saw Sara getting into your car last Friday, when you said you couldn’t hang out. That’s why I confronted her on Monday, or at least the main reason.” Rip had the decency to look guilty about lying to Ava, but she just pushed past it. “I know she hangs out at your house, and now that we’ve established that she hasn’t taken my place, it bothers me a lot less. What I want to know is why you lied to me about it. Why was Sara so important last weekend that you couldn’t just tell me the truth?”

Rip shifted uncomfortably, pushing his fries around on his tray in an effort to stall and avoid answering.

“I won’t tell anyone, and I won’t let Sara know that you told me, but you at least owe me an explanation.”

“It’s just… it’s not really mine to tell.”

“Rip, I already know that her dad and sister died, what more could there possible be? I mean, unless it was like the anniversary of it or something.” Rip eyes widened considerably, and he choked a little on the bite he had taken of his burger. “Holy shit! That’s what it was! Jesus, well now I feel like an even bigger asshole. I said that about her family like a couple days after… wow, she must hate me. I hate me right now.”

Rip finally stopped choking when she finished, and he looked at her uncertainly. “You really can’t tell anyone about that. You owe Sara that after all the shit that has happened.”

“I wouldn’t. Seriously. God, I just… I wish that I could go ahead and apologize, but she would probably just punch me or something. Not that I wouldn’t deserve it.”

“Seriously, Aves, I’m sure it will be fine. Just give it a while. I’ll talk to her after I talk to Gideon.” He pulled out his phone and checked something. “Would you want to come for dinner this weekend? Maybe Sunday?”

Ava frowned. “I can’t, sorry. That’s the day Gary gets back and I’m hanging out with his family all day.”

“Maybe next week, then? Wednesday?” Ava smiled at him.

“Sure, that sounds great!”

“Awesome. I’ll let Gideon know. Now,” he said, cleaning up his trash, “it’s time for me to be heading home.”

“Me too. My mother will probably be wondering where I am, if she noticed I was gone at all.”

 

* * *

 

             

“Ava! Oh my gosh, I missed you so much!” Gary threw himself around her before she had even had time to speak. She laughed and squeezed back tightly. She had missed her little weirdo while he was away. They had obviously talked and texted the whole time, but Gary was such an affectionate person, and she missed his hugs. She pulled back after a minute or two to actually greet him.

“Hey, Gar! I missed you, too. I know I said it already, but I’m really sorry about your grandma.” She smiled at him in what she hoped was a comforting way. “Where’s the rest of your family?”

“Thanks, Ava. They’re all still unpacking. A month is a long time to be away, I guess. I just kind of wore the same five shirts and jeans in different combinations the while time.” He shrugged, looking adorably confused. “Come on in, though, they all missed you too and I’m sure they will want to hug you asap.” They slipped inside, and she set her stuff down on a table in the front hallway. They walked father into the house, coming to the kitchen first. Inside, Gary’ mom was putting away some groceries and clearing the clutter off the counter. She caught sight of the two teens and her face broke into a wide grin.

“Ava! Hey! How’s my favorite child?” She winked at Ava as she hugged her and they both laughed as they heard Gary start to complain.

“Mom! How could you? I thought _I_ was your favorite child!” He crossed his arms and pouted behind Ava.

“Oh, calm down, Gary, we all know I’m not her favorite.” Ava said, and he grinned again. “That would be Rachel.” Gary groaned, and Ava and his mom cracked up again. “Anyway, I’m doing okay, Gabby. There has been some stuff at school, but it’s mostly fixed.”

The older woman sent her a concerned look. “And how are things with your mom?”

“Umm… not so great. She’s been on me a lot more to go to Yale and be a lawyer like them since school started, but especially since I broke up with Jonah. I’ve been trying to placate her, but she’s relentless.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, sweetheart. What happened with Jonah, though? I thought that was going okay?”

“It was fine, but he just,” Ava glanced quickly at Gary, who was looking at her knowingly, “wasn’t the right person for me.” Gabby rubbed her shoulder comfortingly and then went back to the grocery bags.

“I’ll be in here cleaning up for a while. Why don’t you two go finish unpacking Gary’s bags and then come back down in an hour for lunch?” Gary beamed at his mom and hugged her before sprinting toward his room.

“Sounds great, Gabby. We’ll be back in a little while.” Ava followed Gary to his room (though much more slowly) and found him flopped down on his bed. He looked up at her suspiciously as she entered.

“Okay spill.” She raised an eyebrow at him. “You. And Jonah.”

“You already know that we broke up,” she said. “I texted you about it.”

“Yeah, you said, ‘It’s over. I’m fine tho.’” He pointed at her. “That’s not the whole story, though. What haven’t you told me?” Ava shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably. She hadn’t told Gary the real reason while he was gone because she knew that he was with his family, literally waiting for his grandmother to die, and didn’t want to bother him. She knew she would have to tell him eventually, but it still wasn’t something she wanted to repeat. But Gary was still staring her down, so she sighed and then started to explain.

“I had a huge argument with my mom the Friday night before and she said some really shitty things about gay people. I called Jonah afterwards and was complaining about it, but then he started trying to say that she was right? So, I was mad about that all weekend and he didn’t even care. The main problem was when we got to school on Monday and he finally noticed that I was being weird, so he confronted me, and I told him that I was mad about what he said on Friday. He started saying stuff about how being friends with gay people was messing with my head, then he tried to make a joke about you, but it wasn’t funny, first of all, and he used multiple slurs.” Gary was just shaking his head.

“I mean, you know how I felt about him. He was trash. So… you just broke up with him in the hallway? Just like that?” Ava bit her lip and clasped her hands behind her back.

“Well, not exactly.”

“What happened?” Gary sat up to look at her.

“I kind of… punched him?”

“WHAT?” Ava flinched at the sudden loudness of Gary’s voice. “Ava Sharpe! Did you really punch him?” She nodded.

“In the face.” Gary gaped at her, his eyes wide and hands flailing. “He had it coming, talking about you like that.”

“Honestly, Ava, what did I ever do to deserve a friend like you?” He jumped up off the bed and hugged her tightly again.

“You know I would do anything for you, Gar.” He nodded against her shoulder, holding her tighter. When he finally let go, she noticed what looked suspiciously like tears in his eyes, but she didn’t say anything. Gary wasn’t in the closet by any means, but she knew that he still worried about people making fun of him for who he was.

In order to give Gary a minute to collect himself, Ava walked over to where his suitcase was laying open at the foot of his bed. It had mostly already been emptied, but Ava started taking out what was left, things like socks and a belt and a couple of pairs of shoes.

When she felt like he would be able to answer, she asked, “So how was your family? All those cousins and stuff that you never see. They were all at the funeral last week, right?”

Gary’s face lit up. “Yeah! I saw so many people, some I hadn’t seen since I was a kid.” His smile faltered a little. “I actually had a little trouble with one of my great aunts who was calling me the wrong name the whole time and misgendering me. I thought my mom as going to punch her at one point, but my dad held her back.”

“Are you doing okay?”

“Yeah, I mean, I get that a lot of the older generations will follow Jewish tradition pretty strictly, but it’s frustrating some times. Even when they stopped calling me the wrong name, they were complaining that ‘Gary’ wasn’t ‘Jewish enough.’” Gary sighed and shrugged. “At least I probably won’t have to see them again for a while. Now all I have to do is deal with the transphobic assholes at SCHS. Yay.” He gave a sarcastic thumbs up and Ava laughed at him, throwing a pair of shorts she had just picked up at him.

“Stick with me, kid, I’ll take care of them for you. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I have a rep now, and they won’t know that hit them. Literally.” Gary groaned at her pun and threw the shorts back at her. She just laughed at him and continued putting his stuff away while he lounged on his bed and continued telling her about all of his cousins and the trouble they had gotten into during the service for their grandmother.

“…so then Seth fell out of his chair from laughing so hard, and the rest of us just lost it. I don’t think I’ll ever regain full hearing from how loud Uncle David was yelling at us.” He chuckled as he finished the story and flopped down on his bed. As he did, Ava heard the sound of tiny feet in the hallway.

“Hey, Ava!” She looked toward the doorway and saw the youngest member of the Green family.

“Rachel! How’s my favorite kid in the whole world?” The little girl giggled as she jumped into Ava’s arms. Rachel was almost ten years younger than Gary, an addition that was definitely not planned, and was the light of her family’s lives, Ava included. Gary and Ava started becoming friends about a year before she was born, so Ava had been there for everything, and she was as much Ava’s little sister as Gary’s.

“Gary, mom sent me to get you guys for lunch. We’re having tacos!” Rachel beamed, and Gary grinned back as he ruffled her hair.

“Okay, kid. We’ll be down in a sec! Why don’t you go help mom get everything ready?” She jumped out of Ava’s arms and ran down the stairs after giving her brother a high five on the way out the door. “We better head down there. I want to hear more about the thing with your mother when we get back, though. Okay?” Ava sighed.

“Yeah, for sure. Hey, Gar?” He looked back at her from the doorway. “I’m really glad you’re back. I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Aves.”

 

* * *

 

 

When Ava got home that night, she was in a great mood. She had spent all day with the Greens and better yet, she knew that her mother had left for a business trip that afternoon, so her dad would be other only one home. She had wanted to talk to him all weekend about going to the school to talk to Savage, but she didn’t want her mother to go off on her again, so she had waited.

Now, however, was the perfect time. She could hear her dad humming softly in the living room while he read documents for his upcoming cases, and she headed straight for the couch to sit next to him. He looked up from his papers when he noticed the couch move under him and smiled widely at her.

“Hey, Aves. How are the Greens? Did you have a good day?” She nodded and rested her head on his shoulder.

“Yeah, they’re good. Gary said to tell you hi for him.” Her dad nodded.

“That’s good, glad to hear it. Tell the G-man I said hi back. We all need to grab dinner again soon now that he’s back in town.” He paused, wrapping an arm around Ava’s shoulder. “Now, not that I’m not glad to see you, but is there a reason you’re here, laying on me?” He looked at Ava knowingly, and she rolled her eyes at his ability to see right through her. He just raised his eyebrows higher, and she sighed, relenting.

“Fine, yes. Just for the record, that’s not the only reason I hang out with you.” He moved his hand dismissively and waited for her to elaborate. “Okay, so, I have a favor to ask. It’s not for me, though. It’s for a… friend. Well, kind of. It’s Sara. Sara Lance.” Surprise covered her dad’s face, and she hurried to explain. “Yeah, we’re not really friends, but it’s kind of my fault she’s in trouble. We were arguing about something that made me really upset, and I said something really hurtful to her that was completely uncalled for. Anyway, she must have said something to her friends, because they decided to get back at me by pulling a prank on me. Sara wasn’t included at all, and she didn’t know about it until after it happened, but Principal Savage apparently has it out for her, because he gave her the same punishment that he gave everyone else, even though he didn’t have a scrap of evidence.” Ava’s dad held up a hand to interrupt her.

“I have a few questions before you continue. First, has anyone other than Sara spoken to the principal about the matter? How do you know she wasn’t involved? What is the punishment, and what would you like me to do about it?”

“The answers to the first two questions are related. I know she wasn’t involved because I spoke to Rip about it. He was also the one who spoke to the principal about reducing the punishment, but apparently Savage thought he was only advocating for Sara because he needed her to play in the game that night. Friday night.” Her dad quirked an eyebrow at the idea that Sara hadn’t been allowed to play. “Yeah, she and the others were given four days of in-school suspension.” At that, David’s eyebrows shot up and his eyes widened.

“Four days?”

“Yeah, and I get the rest of them because Savage has them on video setting it up. But not Sara. And I know that doesn’t necessarily mean she wasn’t involved at all, but that’s what Rip and I talked about. Savage has no evidence and is biased against Sara, and a suspension will go on her record. I don’t know what her college plans are, but I don’t want this to hurt her chances of going where she wants, not if I can do something to fix it.” Her dad looked at her contemplatively for several long moments.

Finally, he said, “While I don’t like the idea of her friends doing anything to you, you clearly feel very strongly about this, and from what Rip has said about her, Sara is a good kid. God knows she’s been through enough the past few years.” Ava sat up and stared at her dad.

“How do you know about that?”

“It was a pretty big story at the time among law enforcement, and I heard about it through some of the people I worked with. Poor kid. It was bad enough that she lost her sister, but then her dad…” He trailed off and frowned. “Anyway, I actually have about an hour free tomorrow morning. How about I drive you to school and talk to your principal? I’ll pick you up after and we can go to Ivo’s for some sundaes.”

“Really? That would be amazing! Thank you so much, Dad.” Ava threw her arms around her dad and he chuckled, hugging her back.

“Anything for my favorite daughter.”

 

* * *

 

 

When Ava and her dad got to SCHS the next morning, he hugged Ava before promising to keep her updated on the situation and walking into the principal’s office. He had apparently been very convincing on the phone with Savage’s secretary before they left the house that morning and had secured a meeting with Savage first thing. She made her way to the yearbook classroom, where Nora pulled her aside immediately.

“Ava, hey. So, um, I was talking to Ray this weekend, and he really wanted me to apologize to you about the chair thing. He said he wasn’t involved in it, but he did know that something was going to happen and didn’t warn you. I yelled at him, obviously, but it seemed like he felt terrible about it, so hopefully you won’t be too mad at him.” Ava laughed a little, to Nora’s obvious surprise.

“It’s okay, Nora. I’m not mad about the prank. I had it coming, honestly, and I get that Ray is loyal to his friends. It’s part of what makes him such a great guy. No worries, though. For real.” Nora breathed a sigh of relief.

“Okay, cool. I was a little worried you would hate him, cause then I could obviously never date him.” They both laughed at that. “I’ll let him know you’re okay.”

“Cool.” Ava paused, smirking at Nora. “Do you think he’s ever going to actually ask you out?” Nora pretended to think, tapping her finger on her chin and looking up at the ceiling. Then she just shrugged.

“Honestly, who knows. I might have to do the asking if this goes on much longer.”

Yearbook went by slowly, Ava’s thoughts occupied by the meeting that was taking place in the principal’s office. She hadn’t heard anything from her dad, so she could only assume that they were still talking. She counted down the minutes, but when the bell rang with still no word, she texted him.

 

_9:05 am:_

Hey. Any news?

 

She got a text back almost immediately.

 

_9:05 am:_

Have fun in Calc _._

 

What did that mean? She made her way to Dr. Bennett’s room and sat at her desk in front, wondering if she should text her dad back.

She almost dropped her phone when she looked up to see Sara Lance sitting in the front row staring back at her. The other girl didn’t say anything, just subtly nodded her head at Ava and turned to watch Dr. Bennett write an integral on the board. Ava sneakily texted her dad back

 

_9:10 am:_

I see it was a success. Tysm <3

 

Then she put her phone away and focused on what Dr. Bennett was sating about the volume of a 3D solid.

When class was over, Ava was putting her notebooks in her backpack when she heard a quiet cough next to her. She looked up to see Sara standing there.

“Ms. Lance. Did you have a question about today’s class?” Sara clenched her jaw.

“No, I just… I don’t know what you did, but I talked to Rip yesterday and he said you were going to try something to help me. Apparently, whatever you did worked, so thanks I guess.” The shorter girl looked like she would rather be anywhere but standing in front of Ava thanking her, so Ava didn’t think that it was the best time to try to apologize.

Instead she just smiled softly and said, “Well, I’m just glad it worked. Savage is an asshole.”

Sara looked at her, surprised. “Ava Sharpe, cursing? Things really are getting weird around here.” She smirked.

“Oh, shut up, Lance.” Awkwardness settled between them, and Sara nodded again before leaving the room.

Well, that was a step in the right direction. Ava thought about their admittedly brief conversation all through her AP Macro class and was still thinking about during the period when she was in the library computer lab for her college math class. She was only distracted from it when she met up with Gary in the cafeteria at lunch. Now that he was back, their group of four was complete again. He was sitting with Kuasa when she got to the cafeteria, and they both waved her over excitedly.

“Ava! I was just telling Kuasa that I’m going to be joining yearbook!” Gary beamed at her. His enthusiasm was contagious, and she found herself grinning back at him.

“That’s great, Gar! But I thought you had AP Language first period.” She raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Why the sudden switch?” His smile dropped for a second before he replaced it with a much less convincing one.

Gary very carefully looked anywhere but at Ava and said, “I just wanted to be in a class with my three best friends! I missed you guys.” Ava wasn’t buying it.

“Gary.”

“Ugh. Fine.” He dropped his head and mumbled, “Simon Lacroix is in AP Lang and I asked the guidance counselor if I could do an independent study instead of being in there with him.”

Ava sighed. “I’m sorry, Gar. Did he do anything today? You can tell someone, you know. I’ll go with you if you want to tell Principal Savage.”

Gary just shook his head sadly. “You and I both know that Savage won’t do anything. They need him to be on the football team, and they wouldn’t punish him for anything in case it messes up his ability to play.”

Ava hated that he was right. Savage was far from fair, and whatever his personal feelings about bullying may have been, he wasn’t going to jeopardize the school’s best chance at winning the state title in football. Before she could respond, Nora walked over and sat with them, immediately asking what their plans were for fall break.

“Honestly, I need to start working on my college applications.” Ava said and was booed by Gary and Nora. “Seriously! Obviously, Penn is where I want to be, but I need to apply to more schools in case I don’t get accepted.”

“First of all, not gonna happen. Second, that’s really boring. I was thinking that we could go away somewhere for a few days. Maybe take a trip to the lake, stay in a cabin?” Nora looked at them all hopefully. Gary was nodding excitedly, but Kuasa looked like she was also going to decline.

“Sorry, Nora, I can’t. We have the huge game against Central City that Friday, and Rip has us scheduled to practice Monday through Wednesday to prepare.”

Nora threw her hands up, saying, “Oh, you all are no fun. That’s what I get for having responsible friends.” They all stared at her.

“Nora,” Ava said, amused, “You are literally second in our class and captain of the debate team, arguably the nerdiest and most boring club at SCHS. You are the picture of responsibility.” Nora just rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, huffing.

Kuasa’s eyes lit up suddenly.

“Oh my god, I just remembered. My parents are going to be out of town from that Wednesday to the next Tuesday. You know what that means…” They all leaned toward her expectantly. “Party at my house!”

“YES!” Gary shouted. Everyone within three tables of them looked up, alarmed. “Sorry,” he muttered, looking bashful.

“We’ll do it Saturday, since the game is pretty late Friday night, and we have school that next Monday. This is gonna be great!” Kuasa clapped her hands together and they all leaned in and started planning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today is the last day of NaNoWriMo. I did it. 50000 words later and I'm ahead of this by a few chapters. I think if I post once a week I can stay pretty regular, but we will see how it goes when I start classes again next semester. As always, please let me know what you thought about this chapter. Thanks!


	8. i cross my heart and i hope to die (may god strike me down if i tell you lies)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spring break, soccer games, and secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: the last scene of this chapter contains some physical abuse

“Sprang Break! Woo!” Sara threw a handful of water at Nate and Ray as they splashed around in Amaya’s pool.

“Sara, my dude, it’s the end of September. What are you talking about?” Zari had lifted her glasses to stare at Sara with disgust after her outburst. Sara rolled her eyes at the girl.

“Oh, lighten up, Z, I’m just having fun. Pretending it’s almost the end of high school, ya know.” Zari just sighed and lowered her sunglasses as she relaxed back into her deck chair next to Amaya, the two girls content to soak up the last bright summer-like rays while the rest of the Legends swam around in the pool. Amaya’s parents were pretty wealthy, so her house was their go-to spot for relaxation when they were on a break. Music played from the sound system spread throughout the yard, and they all enjoyed the warm sunshine mixed with a cool breeze that blew through, one of the first real signs of fall.

Sara was loving being able to relax with her friends after the last couple of weeks. School had been a little stressful lately, especially after the suspension debacle back at the beginning of September. Just as the heat from that had mostly gone away, at least for Sara, classes had started to pick up in intensity. She was still keeping up, but with soccer and a few more yearbook assignments to also stay on top of, it had become more difficult.

Yearbook was actually going okay too. After her conversation with Ava that day in Bennett’s class, Sara had gone back to mostly avoiding the other girl, not wanting to get caught up in another fight that might lead to more permanent consequences than last time. But, as it turned out, she wasn’t the only one doing some avoiding. Sara had realized about a week before the break that Ava hadn’t spoken to her at all either, and that Kuasa or Nora were the ones giving her assignments.

She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. Like, sure, she didn’t want to be friends with Ava or anything, but she didn’t hate the girl either. After Ava had mysteriously (and miraculously) gotten Sara out of her suspension, Sara had decided that she considered them even. There was no point holding a grudge, especially because after they graduated, she would probably never see Ava again. That didn’t mean she was going to go out of her way to be nice to the other girl, though, just that she wouldn’t start anything unprovoked, and neither would the Legends.

Sara and Zari had talked about the prank that got them all suspended, though only briefly in Sara’s case, and Zari had agreed never to do something like that again without telling Sara first. Sara couldn’t honestly say she would have talked Zari out of it, but the fact that they both missed the soccer game because of it made them very cautious afterward. Zari hadn’t started in the next game either, a decision from Rip that he felt would make the point that he wouldn’t tolerate that kind of behavior going forward, especially not when his sister was the target. There had been one more game since then, and everyone was back at their best form, though Sara was a little worried that it wouldn’t be enough for their next game.

It was Thursday, their day off practice, and Sara and Zari were enjoying it, but the next day was their game against Central City High School, Sara’s old team. She was worried. Not just about the game, though she knew that it would be challenging, but about seeing all of her old friends, and not-friends, again. Most of them had grown up together through elementary and middle school, so they all knew each other very well. Sara had always been a fairly outgoing kid, so she had made a lot of friends and acquaintances who flitted around her like moths drawn toward flame, but when high school came and all of the stuff with her sister had happened, she became withdrawn and angry. The year between Laurel’s death and Sara leaving Central City had seen a lot of her friends drift away from her, whether because she just wasn’t around as much or snapped at them a little too harshly, and by the time she moved to Star City, she only really had Iris and Barry and their friends. Everyone else had grown tired of her sullen silences and suddenly dark humor.

One girl in particular, Gwen, had taken Sara’s closed off behavior as a personal offense. They had played soccer together in middle school, and Gwen had a huge crush on Sara, one that only got stronger when they started playing together in high school. Sara had flirted back a little, never expecting anything to happen since she wouldn’t really see herself dating Gwen, until the day in September when her whole world had come crashing down. After that, and a period of time when Sara wouldn’t speak to anyone besides Quentin, she started hesitantly participating in her extracurriculars again. Gwen apparently hadn’t been fazed by her absence and picked up her pursuit of Sara with double the effort, something that Sara was not very pleased with. She tried to turn the other girl down politely at first, but when that didn’t work, she had started doing it more forcefully. And more publicly. The last time was at a party Sara didn’t even want to go to, but Iris dragged her there, insisting that she needed to get out of the house and start living her life again. Gwen had approached Sara, clearly very drunk, and flirted with her, ultimately trying to kiss Sara, who had very loudly and rudely told her to fuck off and never speak to her again if she couldn’t keep it in her pants. Gwen stormed off crying, and the next time Sara saw her, Gwen completely ignored her and pretended like she didn’t exist.

When their sophomore year soccer season started, Gwen was out for vengeance. She still refused to speak to Sara but took every opportunity to tackle her or trip her or even shove her when the coach wasn’t looking. More than once, Sara had been injured when Gwen made her fall, though they hadn’t been serious injuries. If Sara hadn’t left when she did, she felt sure that Gwen could have really, permanently hurt her.

Even though Star City played CCHS every year, Sara hadn’t seen her old team since she left. Sophomore year they had already played each other while Sara was in Central City, and last year Rip had allowed her to skip it because he witnessed her have several panic attacks in the weeks leading up to it. It was senior year, though, and she thought she was ready. She needed to play them and beat them and prove that she had moved on and was living her best life away from Central City.

Sara _was_ looking forward to seeing her friend Caitlyn, the new captain of the CCHS team and the best offensive center mid she had ever known. That girl could shout instructions and score beautiful goals in the same breath, making her a great partner when Sara was one of her forwards, and a formidable opponent now that they were on different teams. They had become friends through Barry but had soon discovered a passion for science that they had bonded over.

She was also very excited to see Iris and Barry, her two almost siblings. The four of them, plus Joe and Barry’s friend Cisco were going out to eat after the game, and Sara couldn’t wait.

But first, she had to get through the game.

“Hey! Sara!” She blinked at the hand that was waving in front of her face. Zari spoke again once she saw that Sara was paying attention. “You zoned out again, dude. Everyone else is inside, and you probably should be too, unless you want your pasty ass to get burned again.” She laughed at Sara’s wince, the memory still vivid, but then got serious again. “For real, though, you good?”

Sara smiled at her. “Yeah, Z. Just thinking about the game tomorrow.”

“Nervous?” Zari asked.

“Nah. I just can’t wait to crush them.” Sara smirked, hiding her worry and hoping that Zari didn’t press her on it. Luckily the girl just nodded, and fist bumped her.

“Yeah, dude. Senior year. Let’s get it.”                 

 

* * *

 

  

The next night, Sara found herself jogging onto the field for warm ups, the weight of her boots and the squish of the grass under her feet grounding her and helping her focus on the sprints they were doing. They stretched and then started on some passing, defending, and shooting drills. They worked hard, sweat dripping in the lingering heat of early fall. Sara didn’t even notice the other team arrive until Zari nudged her and said, “I think you have an admirer.” Sara turned and locked eyes with Gwen. The other girl glared at her and her lips twisted into a sneer. Gwen turned away and Sara let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. Zari raised an eyebrow at her, but Sara just shook her head and went back to the shooting drill with renewed energy.

When the teams finished warming up, they went back to their benches and took off their joggers and pinnies. Rip called them all into a huddle as Sar walked to where the refs were standing with Caitlyn for the coin toss. Caitlyn won, and it was decided that CCHS would kick off. She turned toward Sara to shake her hand and grinned, saying, “Good luck, Sara.” Sara smiled back at her and pulled her into a quick hug, returning her well-wishes. They jogged back to their teams and joined the huddles.

Sara got back just as Rip was saying, “We all know that they’re a great team, but we _can_ beat them. You all need to communicate, keep your heads up and visualize your passes. Don’t be afraid to be aggressive, but don’t get into a shoving match with any of them. Keep calm and focused. You can do this. I believe in you.” He stopped, looking at Sara.

“Star City on three. 1… 2.... 3… Star City!!” Sara threw her hand up with the rest of her team and then lined up in front of Cass, next to the referees. They walked out onto the field where their names were called, one by one. When that was finished, both teams turned and sprinted to their sides of the field, getting into position.

Sara stood with Julia near the midfield line, facing off against the Central City forwards, two girls who Sara didn’t recognize. They must have been underclassmen. She could see Caitlyn not too far behind them. Sara smirked. It was her win for the taking.

Then, the whistle was blown, and the Central City forward passed the ball back to Caitlyn to start the game. The first ten minutes were fast paced and brutal. Both teams played like they had something to prove, and CCHS wasn’t pulling any punches, or tackles in that case. Star City players were dropping every few seconds and they could barely hold onto the ball, giving up possession to Central City almost every 30 seconds. The CCHS defenders were on Sara like bugs on a windshield, never letting her get more than a first touch on the ball. She got frustrated quickly, especially since one of the defenders was Gwen, who had already gotten in some tackles that were way more vicious than they needed to be.

Finally, around the 20th minute, Sara managed to get a good one-touch pass off to Julia, who wasn’t being guarded nearly as closely as Sara was, and Julia managed to slot it in just behind the CCHS keeper. The Star City team roared in celebration, nearly knocking Julia and Sara over with the force of their hugs and slaps on the back.

If they thought CCHS was playing dirty before, that goal turned their style downright filthy. It felt like every time one of the Star City players got the ball, a CCHS girl was there to knock her over and steal it. Sara and Julia could barely get close to the ball, much less touch it, and the defenders, namely Gwen, seemed to relish body-checking them every chance they got. Fortunately, their defenders were doing a remarkable job of keeping CCHS away from their goal as well, though they were mainly using skill instead of brute force.

Of course, as soon as Sara thought that, Caitlyn got around Zari to slam a shot into the back of the net, just past Cass’s outstretched hands. Sara looked up at the clock. Three minutes until halftime. She gasped for breath, the combination of sprinting for 45 minutes and getting the breath knocked out of her numerous times had made it difficult for her to catch her breath at all. She saw the CCHS team jumping and cheering and braced herself to get through the next few minutes, knowing she would be able to breathe a little and get some water when the whistle blew.

Finally, the ref called for halftime, and the SCHS players dragged themselves off the field and into the locker room They were all panting and moaning while the rest of the team that hadn’t been playing brought them water or Gatorade, so they could hydrate. Rip followed them in, and when they had all taken a seat, he addressed them.

“Okay, ladies, that was a tough first half. Julia, nice goal. Sara, good assist. All the defenders, wonderful job keeping them at bay. And Cass, you’ve done a beautiful job. Don’t let that one goal get into your head. We can still win this, and I need you all to be strong. Go out there and show them what you’re made of. I wouldn’t be upset with a tie, but I think you can do better than that.” He smiled at them all. “Get out there and play your hearts out.” The team cheered, but Sara couldn’t bring herself to get too excited. Despite what Rip had said, she knew that she would definitely not be satisfied with a tie.

Rip pulled her aside as the team exited the locker room a few minutes later, full of new enthusiasm and determination. The look on his face was serious. “Sara. I know you’ve said that you and that defender have a history, but don’t let her get inside your head. The team needs its leader out there. Don’t do anything stupid.” He looked at her hard until she nodded, then pulled her into a tight hug. “Kick her ass. Do it for Laurel.” She clenched her jaw and nodded again before running to join her teammates.

The second half started much the same way the first had, neither team willing to concede possession or shots. There was a lot of pushing and tripping that should’ve been called, but the ref was apparently being stingy with fouls and cards. CCHS especially was playing even more roughly than they had before. Sara couldn’t count the number of times she was sprinting to be in the right place to receive a pass, only to feel a foot collide with hers and a hand or elbow or shoulder push her roughly to the ground.

She knew that it was Gwen, but unfortunately the ref never seemed to see it, or if she did, she ignored it. Sara was getting frustrated by the lack of fouls called, so she started being more aggressive, slide tackling the defenders to keep the ball, and using her body weight to keep them off of her. She wasn’t doing anything illegal, and certainly nothing like Central City was pulling, but she was letting go of her control a little.

That control was tested, though, around the 70th minute, when Sara actually managed to steal the ball from Gwen just outside the box, accidentally tripping her. Gwen made a huge show of falling to the ground and the ref called a foul on Sara. She rolled her eyes and held out a hand for Gwen to help pull her up in the spirit of sportsmanship, but Gwen stood up by herself and got up in Sara’s face, yelling at her about trying to injure Gwen and how she was a terrible person. Sara could feel her temper rising and fought to stay calm as the ref ran over to separate them and warned Gwen about unsportsmanlike conduct. Next time, she said, Gwen would get a card.

Gwen shot a nasty look at Sara before Caitlyn pulled her away, sternly warning the girl to knock it off. CCHS took their free kick and the game resumed, faster and more vicious than ever. Julia got off a shot, but it was knocked down by the Central City keeper. Then Caitlyn took a shot that Cass barely managed to save. Both teams were desperate, clawing at any chance they could get to either get possession or knock their opponents down. When there were five minutes left, Sara got lucky.

She managed to shake her defender for just enough time to get on the receiving end of a pass through the middle from Kuasa and as she ran toward the goal with the ball at her feet, she saw Julia keeping pace with her on the other side of the field. Sara knew that if she could place the ball close enough to the other forward, but still out of reach of the keeper, that she could very well win the game in the next ten seconds.

She passed the ball.

Not a second later, she felt a crushing blow to her right side as someone slammed into her. She faintly heard a whistle as she hit the ground, the force of her landing knocking the breath out of her. Sara could hear yelling, and she opened her eyes a little to see what was happening, not realizing that she had closed them to begin with. When she looked around, she saw Kuasa holding a fuming Zari around the waist to keep her from punching Gwen, who was rolling her eyes as the referee held up a red card in front of her. Sara sat up, breathing heavily, and looked at where she had fallen. She was between the goal and the white lines that marked the edge of the box.

Oh. She was inside the box. And Gwen had fouled her. Hard. That meant Star City would take a penalty kick. And that Gwen would be ejected from the game. Sara stood, helped by panting Julia. She brushed herself off and walked to where Kuasa was still trying to talk Zari down from hurting someone.

“Hey. Kuasa, I’m going to take it.” Kuasa and Zari both stopped talking and stared at her.

“Sara, are you sure? You hit the ground pretty hard. I can do it,” Kuasa said.

Sara shook her head. “I’m fine. I need to do this. This is my chance to stick it to Gwen. I have to.”

Kuasa just nodded. She let go of Zari, who was less angry once she saw that Sara was okay. The three of them walked over to where the ref was holding the ball by the penalty mark. Kuasa and Zari stepped back to join the rest of their team while Sara took the ball from the ref and set it on the white mark, spinning it in her hands a few times to settle her nerves. The thing about PKs was that there was so much pressure on both players involved, so even though the odds were slightly in Sara’s favor, she still felt her stomach tying itself in knots as she stared down the Central City keeper.

Sara had played with her briefly the last year she was at CCHS when the other girl was a freshman. Now a junior, the keeper as at least six feet tall and stocky. She paced in front of her goal, delaying the kick to try and get in Sara’s head, make her second guess her shot. Instead of getting psyched out, Sara took the time to center herself. She felt the solid ground beneath her boots, the sweat dripping down from her hair onto her neck. She felt the tightness of the captain’s band on her arm and knew that her team was counting on her to make it. To win.

Finally, the keeper got on her line and the ref made sure they were both ready. The whistle blew. Sara took a deep breath and kicked. The net swished as the ball flew past the keeper’s arms into the top right corner. She had done it. Sara felt a bunch of hands on her, Zari slamming into her from behind for a hug. Everyone was screaming at her, her name echoing from the stands as the SCHS crowd went crazy. She started laughing, both at the exuberance of her teammates and the stunned, defeated looks on the Central City players’ faces.

There were still about three minutes left in the game, though, so Sara pulled her team into a quick huddle, reminding them not to get lazy until the final whistle blew. The got back into position, determined not to let Central City tie them again.

And they didn’t.

The whistle blew again and the Star City team swarmed Sara in a dogpile at midfield. They were all laughing and cheering, the energy uncontrollable. When they finally let her up, she ran to where Rip was waiting on the sideline and wrapped him in a tight hug, her eyes wet with relief and happiness. She let go and pulled back, noticing that his eyes were also suspiciously wet.

Rip grinned at her and said, “Good game, kiddo. I knew you could do it. I’m so freaking proud of you.” He gripped her shoulders. “I know you have plans tonight, but you should come over tomorrow before Kuasa’s party. Gideon is going to want to go over every minute detail and ask you about Gwen and stuff.”

She smiled at him. “Okay. Tell G I’ll be there. I have to go get changed for dinner. See ya later!” Sara walked toward the locker room, ready to be in clean, dry clothes and eat Big Belly Burger with her friends. Suddenly, she was pulled into a storage room by a tight grip on her arm. The room was dark, and she couldn’t tell who had grabbed her until they turned the light on. It was Gwen.

“What the fuck, dude?” Sara wasn’t sure why Gwen had wanted to get her alone, but it couldn’t be good. “What are you doing?” Gwen stood between Sara and the door, arms crossed in front of her.

“Hey, Sara. Long time, no see. Didn’t you miss me?” Gwen’s mouth was twisted into a mocking smile, and her eyes were dark with the memories of what had happened between them.

Sara sighed. “What do you want, Gwen?” The other girl chuckled darkly.

“Oh, I just wanted to see how you were settling into your new life, see if you had actually managed to make friends or if you’re still pushing everyone away and acting like a bitch when people try to get close to you.” Gwen raised an eyebrow at Sara.

“You say that like you didn’t come on to me for months, despite me trying to be polite and let you down easy, and then try to stick your tongue down my throat when I was drunk and vulnerable,” Sara said, her face darkening as she narrowed her eyes at the other girl.

Gwen shrugged. “You were flirting with me, too. You wanted it.”

“No, Gwen. I stopped flirting with you when my sister fucking died. The only reason I ever did was because it was fun for a while. But then I was very clearly saying no, and you ignored me. You were trying to take advantage of me when I was emotional which is super fucked up.” Gwen glowered at her, lowering her arms until her fists were clenched at her side.

“I’m not the one that’s fucked up. I wonder what all your friends would say if they knew that it’s your fault your dad is dead.” Her smirk was wicked when Sara’s jaw dropped open, surprise covering every inch of her face. Her hands started shaking and she could feel her throat close up as panic started to well up.

Sara couldn’t move, but she choked out, “W-What?”

Gwen laughed bitterly. “Yeah, imagine my shock when you drunk dialed me one night and started spilling your guts. You kept calling me G, which you never had before, so I assumed I wasn’t who you meant to call. I figured I might get some good blackmail material, but I never imagined how deep and dark your secrets were.” Sara tried to swallow down her rising panic, but it didn’t help, especially when the other girl kept talking. “Let’s find out if you’d have any friends left if I told them that you were the one who told your dad to kill himself.”

Sara couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t think or speak, so she ran. She pushed past Gwen and threw the door open, not sure where to go next. She turned toward the locker room, but realized that there would probably be people in there still, so she turned around to go toward the school, but almost ran into Ava Sharpe who was pushing open the door that led in the direction of the gym.

The other girl looked surprised to see her, but recovered and said, “Hey, Sara. I’m looking for Rip. I was just in the school, but the offices are empty. Do you know where he is?” Sara still couldn’t speak without choking on the emotion that she could feel in her throat, so she just shook her head. “Okay, well, have a good night.” She stepped out of the doorway as she pulled out her phone and Sara pushed through them. If Rip wasn’t in his office, then she could go there. She didn’t think she could face the girls in the locker room, and she definitely couldn’t see Joe without collapsing under the weight of her guilt. She ran blindly toward the entrance to the gym offices, hoping that it was unlocked. It was, and she found the most hidden corner to slide down the wall into, finally giving into her tears and sobbing.

She wasn’t sure how long she had been sitting there when she realized that she hadn’t told anyone where she was going, and she didn’t have her phone, she had left it in the locker room before the game. Less than a minute later, she heard the door open and two soft voices calling her name. She couldn’t answer, but they must have heard her crying, because soon Zari and Amaya came into view. They took one look at her and sank down on either side of her, taking her hands in theirs, and Amaya said, “Let it all out, Sara. We’ve got you.”

Sara cried as she held onto her best friends’ hands, their presence helping her to calm down enough to breathe normally. Zari broke the silence eventually, saying, “Sara, you’ve gotten a couple of texts from Joe, Barry, and Iris. They’re asking if you’re still coming to dinner and also asking where you are. Do you want me to tell them?” Sara shook her head.

“Tell them I’m really sorry but something came up and I can’t come anymore.”

“Okay, dude, I got it.” Zari typed Sara’s response and sent it before handing the phone to Sara. “Here, you left this in the locker room.” Sara took the phone, still a little dazed from all that had happened.

“How did you guys find me?” She missed the look that passed between Zari and Amaya before Amaya said, “When you didn’t show up in the locker room after a few minutes, Zari got worried. She came and found me, and we started looking for you. I saw you headed for the school, but we figured we should give you a minute before we followed you.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Zari asked softly after Amaya was finished.

Sara frowned. “No. Can I… would it be okay if I stayed with one of you tonight? I can’t go home like this. I can’t see my mom or Jeff right now.”

“Sure, babe. I’ll call my mom and let her know the three of us are having a sleepover.” Amaya stood up and walked outside to talk to her mom.

After Amaya left, Zari squeezed the hand that she was still holding. “I’m not going to ask because you already said no, but just know that whatever it is, you can tell me if you’re ever ready. I will never judge you for how you’re feeling.”

Sara laughed bitterly. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”

“What do you mean?”

“It doesn’t matter, I’m sure you’ll hear about it soon enough.”

Zari looked confused but didn’t say anything else as they waited for Amaya to return. She finally came back in and then the three of them started making their way toward the parking lot. Sara figured she should savor this time with them since she was sure that they would never want to talk to her again after Gwen spilled her secret. At least she only had half a year left at SCHS before she could go to college and leave her past behind. For good.

 

* * *

 

 

The next evening, Sara went with Zari and Amaya to the party at Kuasa’s house. She had been on edge the whole day, constantly expecting that somehow word would spread overnight, and they would turn to her with disgust and kick her out, cutting her out of their lives forever. It hadn’t happened yet, but there was still time, especially since there would be so many people at the party they were going to. If there was ever a perfect time for Gwen to maximize the damage she could do to Sara’s new life, that would be it.

They arrived just as the party was getting going, the first floor of Kuasa’s house packed with students. Amaya’s aunt and uncle were also very wealthy, so the first floor was massive, which made the fact that it was already packed even more impressive. It looked like Kuasa had invited half their class, and there were only a few people that Sara didn’t recognize. Most of the athletes were there, soccer players, the basketball and baseball teams, and a few swimmers, though not as many as Sara expected since Kuasa was on the swim team. Sara wondered idly if Jonah Hex was there, since surely Ava would’ve told her best friends about the hallway incident. Though, to be fair, she wasn’t really sure what had happened to make Ava hit him, but she was sure that whatever it was it had to have been pretty unforgivable if it had made a goody two shoes like Ava strike someone like that.

Speaking of Ava, Sara realized that she was hoping to run into her that night, though she wasn’t sure exactly why. Maybe it was because, despite their confrontations and Ava’s petty acts of revenge, she seemed like a decent, smart person. Maybe it was because she had gone out of her way to get Sara’s suspension revoked and wiped from her permanent record. She hadn’t even thought about that part of it until Savage mentioned it, but it would have undoubtedly affected her chances of getting into any of the schools she was planning on applying to. So yeah, maybe she was hoping to talk to Ava, to try and start over as much as possible and be on better terms for the rest of the year.

She spotted Ray and Nate across the room and she pointed the other girls in their direction before making her way over, Zari and Amaya following behind her.

“Saraaaaa. Hey guys!” Ray had clearly been there for a while because he was swaying slightly. He had always been a lightweight, though, so Sara knew that he probably hadn’t been drinking a dangerous amount. She laughed at the drawn-out way he said her name and greeted him in return.

“Hey, Ray. You doing okay there, buddy?” She smiled as he leaned in toward her, trying to whisper but failing spectacularly.

“Nora is here!” Sara flinched a little at his loudness but couldn’t contain a grin at his enthusiasm. She knew that Ray and Nora had been dancing around each other for months, both unsure whether they should try something this close to college, but that Ray was practically head over heels for the girl. “I wonder if she’s looking for me. I’m looking for her. I want to tell her that she’s really pretty.”

Sara giggled at him and said, “I hope you find her and tell her exactly that. Maybe drink some water first, though.” She turned to Nate and said, “Keep an eye on him around Nora, I know he would hate to make a fool of himself while intoxicated.”

“I will. But only if you do something for me,” Nate said with a mischievous grin. Sara knew that whatever he said next would probably be something he knew she didn’t want to do, but she agreed anyway, wanting Ray to have someone to watch his back around all these people. “Be my partner for beer pong.”

“Ugh, Nate, you know I’m not allowed to play that game. Everyone always gets mad at me.”

“Which is exactly why I’m asking you to play with me. Most of these people don’t know how badass you are at it and Ray was going to be my partner, but he sucks and is also already well on his way to drunk, so he won’t be any help. Please, Sara. I’m begging you.” Sara rolled her eyes at his exaggerated pout, but she had agreed already so they made their way to the table where four basketball players were almost finished with a round.

“Who’s got next?” Sara asked the people who were watching.

“I think those two are playing the winner.” A gorgeous, dark haired girl standing next to her pointed at two people who Sara recognized as being on the boys’ soccer team.

“We’ve got the winner of the next game!” Sara yelled at the boys playing and they all nodded at her and Nate, one of them giving her a thumbs up and a wink. She just smirked back. Not today, cute basketball boy.

Wow, there were a lot of attractive people at that party.

Once those two games were over, Sara and Nate stepped up to the table. They were up against the soccer boys since they had won the last game, and Sara grinned at them wickedly. They started to look a little nervous when she and Nate sunk their first shots, as well as their second, and Sara got an extra cup removed when she bounced her second shot. Only one of the boys managed to get one in the first time, and the game was over in less than three minutes. The trend continued through three more games, the crowd growing each time they won, and the noise was starting to get overwhelming. After the fourth game, one of the baseball players they had just beaten accused Sara of cheating. She looked at Nate, her eye roll meant to indicate that that was why she never played.

Before the accusations could turn into a fight, she heard everyone gasp as Mick jumped onto the table, shotgunned a beer, and then shouted, “YEAHHHHH,” at the crowd. The beer pong table didn’t last long under him and it groaned and collapsed with him still standing on it. The crowd was silent for a moment until they realized that he was laughing and completely unhurt, then they all started laughing and making fun of Mick. Kuasa was standing in the inner circle of the crowd and she looked down at the broken table, shaking her head, and told him to clean it up when he decided to get up off his ass.

After the Legends who had witnessed the disaster helped their friend clean up the mess he had made, Sara told Zari and Amaya that she was going to get a drink and would be right back. She pushed through party guests and made her way toward Kuasa’s kitchen. She had been over to that house several times for various soccer parties and sometimes with Amaya when they were having family events there since she knew Kuasa as well, so she knew where she was going.

When she got into the kitchen, she ran into Cass, who hugged her and started chattering away about the game the night before. “Yeah, I thought for sure when I let that goal in that we were going to lose, but then you! You were amazing! I also thought that Zari was maybe going to beat that one girl up, but I was kinda far away, so I couldn’t really see. Oh my god your PK was so good like it just shot straight into the corner and we won! We fucking won!” She was yelling so that Sara could hear her over the music that got louder the father you got into the house, something that Sara was cursing when Cass yelled, “Where did you disappear to after the game?” Her question came right as the music dipped between songs, and everyone in the kitchen and the hallway looked at them.

Sara wanted to melt into the floor. She blushed and waited for everyone to look away before she just shrugged and said, “There were, um, some people I had to go see. Zari grabbed my stuff for me.” She waved at the girl as she walked away, claiming to have seen someone else that she needed to talk to. She snagged a beer can on her way out into the yard, needing some fresh air. Sara was sure that at some point tonight, the news about her past would start making its way around the party. Gwen wasn’t someone who made idle, empty threats, and Sara had certainly pissed her off enough to provoke that kind of response. It was Sara’s own fault, honestly, that she was in that position to begin with. Not only had she drunkenly called Gwen on a night when she was apparently feeling vulnerable and sad, but the real truth of the matter was that Sara had actually done what Gwen said.

When she got outside, she saw that Kuasa had really gone all out for this party. There were strings of lights hung up all around the yard and music was playing from large speakers set up everywhere, kids dancing to the steady beats. She spotted Ava almost immediately. The taller girl was standing close to the pool, talking to a boy that Sara didn’t know, but assumed from his general fuckboy appearance that he was on the baseball team. Probably one of Jonah’s friends who was making a move now that the two of them weren’t together anymore. She figured she would let the other girl flirt a little more before she tried to talk to her, but she made her way closer to the water to get away from the thick crowd of people that lingered near the door. She got close enough that she could almost hear what the two were saying, but when the next song came on, it was a little quieter and she started to overhear their conversation.

“Come on, Ava. It’s just one drink. Come inside with me and we can go somewhere a little more private where we can talk. Just the two of us.” The boy tried to catch Ava’s hand, but she crossed her arms.

“No, Julius, I’ve already told you I don’t want to do that.” She glared at him, but the idiot clearly couldn’t take no for an answer.

“Please, babe? I don’t know why you’re being a bitch, but I bet if we got enough drinks in you, we could have some fun.” Ava looked as shocked as Sara felt at his blatant disregard for consent or like, basic human decency. Sara decided to go over there in the same moment that Julius grabbed Ava’s arm and pulled her toward him roughly. “Just come with me and-”

“Hey! Julius, right?” Sara was all but yelling at the boy to get his attention before he could do anything else to Ava. He looked startled at her approach but didn’t release his grip on Ava. Sara could see from her body language that Ava was in distress. Her eyes were wide with fear and her hands were balled into fists at her side as she tried to pull away from the much larger boy. She looked like she was trying to signal Sara with her eyes to get help or something, but Sara ignored her, or at least pretended to. Sara would have to try harder to make him let go.

She walked closer to Julius and said, “Oh my god! I watched you play last year! Aren’t you on the baseball team?” She really was yelling then, in a high pitched, awed sounding voice that she hoped would distract him long enough for Ava to slip away. Julius looked at Sara in confusion, but she kept the charade going. “Yeah, weren’t you the one who was batting when the bases were loaded against National City and you got us all four runs?” Sara had only a vague idea of the rules of baseball, and even less of an idea who this kid was, but her obnoxious questions had the desired effect and he dropped Ava’s arm as he turned toward Sara with a smug look.

“No, you’re thinking of the Central City game.” Behind Julius, Sara could see that Ava had begun to sneak away quietly while he was distracted, throwing Sara a grateful look over her shoulder. “You’re Sara, right? Sara Lance? Why haven’t we talked before if you know so much about me?” Ignoring his leering smirk, Sara waited until Ava had vanished from sight before dropping her fan girl act as she stepped close to Julius and grabbed his arm. She pressed her thumb into the pressure point behind his elbow and dragged him down until their faces were only a few inches apart.

He yelped and futilely tried to pull away, but she held him firmly and growled, “We haven’t talked because you’re a human piece of shit. What the hell were you going to do to Ava tonight if I hadn’t been here, huh? If you ever touch Ava, or anyone else, like that again, I will personally see to it that you never feel anything below your ears ever again. Are we clear?” She pressed harder with her thumb and he whimpered, nodding furiously. She let go of him and he stumbled away, trembling like a frightened puppy. Sara pretended to lunge at him and he ran away, looking back to make sure she hadn’t followed when he reached the door to the house. Sara chuckled to herself. She still had it. That kind of thing was something that the Sara Lance of two years ago would’ve casually pulled to scare people off before they got too close to her. Better for people to think she was crazy than to know that she was just a terrible person.

Present day Sara Lance knew better, though she suspected that it didn’t matter in the slightest since everyone would know her secret and hate her by the end of the week. Maybe even sooner, depending on how vindictive Gwen was feeling and how many SCHS students she knew. She turned back to the party, determined to enjoy it if it was the last one she was ever invited to.

 

* * *

 

 

Sunday evening, Sara was headed back to her house from Amaya’s, where she had spent the whole weekend. She had been planning on staying there Sunday night as well and just going to school with her friend the next morning, but she had gotten a text from her mom that afternoon asking where she was and why she hadn’t been home. Sara told her that she and Amaya and Zari had wanted to hang out after the game Friday night, and it had just kept going all weekend. Her mom had asked her to please come home that night, and Sara could tell that she wasn’t happy with her absence. At least she had been able to time it right so that Jeff would be on his way out of the house as she arrived, so hopefully there wouldn’t be too much interaction between them.

Things hadn’t been the same since their fight about her suspension, and she tended to avoid any situation that would leave them alone together. Her mom clearly hadn’t noticed anything was wrong and continued to berate Sara about being more respectful to Jeff every time Sara so much as spoke with a sarcastic tone around them.

When she walked into the house, she was greeted by the sight of her mom standing in the front hallway, arms crossed in front of her chest, waiting for Sara to arrive. She stopped in her tracks at the look on her mom’s face.

“Sara Marie Lance. What the hell were you thinking?” She raised both eyebrows at her mom’s question, not missing the fact that she had used her full name. That never happened.

“I’m sorry?” Sara said, uncertainly.

“Oh, you will be. Why on earth did you think it would be okay for you to just disappear for two days without telling me where you were going?” Dinah glared at her, eyes lit up in a way that Sara hadn’t seen since before… well, before everything.

“I mean it’s not like you’ve ever noticed me being gone before.” Sara wasn’t sure what possessed her to finally say those words to her mom, but before she could take them back or apologize, Dinah had dropped her hands and her face was a mix of disbelief and rage.

“Excuse me? What did you just say to me?”

“I said it’s not like you would notice if I was gone. You don’t care about anything I do.”

Dinah gasped. “That’s not true! I do care! What if you were kidnapped? What if you had been dead?” Something in Sara snapped and she knew it was now or never.

“You would have liked that, wouldn’t you?” She said it quietly, but she knew her mom had heard it because she recoiled as if she had been slapped. She hurried to get the words out before Dinah could interrupt her. “Admit it, you would rather I had died that night. You would rather have Laurel here with you than me. You always liked her more, and when she died it’s like you forgot you had another kid. I’ve taken it for two years because you’re the only parent I have left, but honestly, it kind of doesn’t even feel like you’re my parent anymore.”

“How. Dare. You. You don’t know anything about it, young lady.” Her mom’s face was bright red, and Sara knew she had struck a nerve.

“I know enough to be able to say that I wish I had died too.” Dinah’s mouth dropped open and her eyebrows drew together, shock painting her features brokenly. “I wish that I had died, and Laurel had lived. Maybe then you would still have a kid that you were proud of. Maybe then you and dad wouldn’t have split up. Maybe then he… maybe he would still be alive.” Sara’s voice trailed off after her last sentence, the pain that had been rekindled the other night after her confrontation with Gwen hit her again, full force. She felt her knees start to shake and swallowed down the despair she could feel crawling up her throat so that she could look her mom in the eyes without looking weak.

Dinah stared at her, the lines on her forehead deepening and her face growing sad. She spoke again, this time a hoarse whisper. “You don’t know when you’re talking about, little girl.”

“Oh really?” Her anger was back, overshadowing the sadness as she raised her voice, the loudness a stark contrast to the quiet way Dinah had just spoken to her. “Then where the hell have you been the last two years, mom? Where were you when I had just lost my dad? Where were you when I was getting in trouble at school just to get a second’s worth of attention from you? Where were you when I was drowning in guilt over the fact that I had lived but Laurel hadn’t? Where. Were. You.”

Dinah didn’t rise to her anger. Instead, she seemed to wilt under Sara’s furious gaze. “I was hurting too, Sara. I was in pain too. I couldn’t help you through your grief because I was buried in my own.”

Sara took that in for a minute. It made sense to a certain degree, but, “That doesn’t make up for the fact that you weren’t there when I needed you. You failed me, mom.”

Dinah looked at Sara for several long moments, her face dropping lower with every passing second. She finally just nodded slowly, and Sara could see tears gathering in her eyes, before she turned wordlessly and walked up the stairs toward her bedroom. Sara sighed and dropped her bag on the floor, running a hand through her hair as she tried to process what had just happened.

Before she could catch her breath, she heard thundering footsteps and then Jeff was at the top of the staircase, a murderous look in his eyes. He stormed down the stairs and Sara backed up as far as she could until her back was pressed up against the door, but he kept coming. Sara wished that she could melt through the door and run away from the wrath that was about to descend on her, but she couldn’t get any farther away from the furious man who was less than a foot away at that point. He grabbed her jaw and said, “What the fuck did you do?” Sara couldn’t speak because of the grip he had on her face, so she just stared at him with wide, terrified eyes. “I’m talking to you, bitch. Answer me!” He let go of her, but remained close, face red and eyes wild.

“What are you talking about?” Sara wanted to know exactly what it was that he was mad about, so she didn’t reveal anything else that could provoke him further, but he seemed to take her question as disrespect and his jaw clenched tighter.

“You know exactly what I mean. You made your mother cry. You hurt her somehow and I want to know what you did, dammit!” Sara winced. He wasn’t going to like the answer and she wasn’t in a great position to keep him from doing something more direct than yelling. But when he got impossibly closer, she knew she had to say something.

“I was just talking about Laurel and my dad, okay? I was talking to my mother about our family. It’s none of your business.” That was definitely the wrong thing to say, but Sara was not in the right headspace to realize. After a brief moment in which Jeff looked like he was honestly considering just murdering her on the spot, he grabbed her shoulders and shoved her against the front door, knocking the breath out of her and slamming the back of her head into the wood.

“You fucking bitch! Did I not tell you what I would do if you ever spoke to me like that again?” Sara had caught her breath a little and decided that if she was going to get hit, she wasn’t going to take it without at least trying to fight back. She shoved against him, hoping to use some of her past martial arts training to defend herself, but he was a big guy and he only moved back about six inches. Sara didn’t have a chance to do anything else before his fist came out of nowhere and slammed into the side of her face. Her head snapped back and hit the door. She staggered forward, stumbling as he hit her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty heavy so please feel free to yell at me in the comments


	9. doesn't mean i'm lonely when i'm alone (what doesn't kill you makes a fighter)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava and Sara deal with the aftermath of the confrontation with Jeff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger last week, but it was necessary. Enjoy!

On the Monday after fall break, Ava got to school way earlier than she normally would. She knew that the end of the break would probably mean the end of the brief détente with Sara, and she needed some time to gather herself before facing the other girl in yearbook. Students normally weren’t allowed to walk the halls before the first bell rang, but no one was around yet to question her. They wouldn’t have anyway. Ava was the most overachieving student at SCHS, and with that came almost unlimited access to the school and its resources.

As Ava entered Mr. Stein’s classroom, she could immediately tell that something was off. She looked around the room and almost gasped when she saw someone sitting in the back corner. She _did_ gasp when she saw who that someone was.

“Sara!? I mean, Ms. Lance. What the hell are you doing here?” Ava could feel her muscles tensing in anticipation of a fight. But Sara didn’t seem to hear her. She was looking down at the table, lost in her head. Ava stepped closer and questioned her again. “Hello? Did you hear me?”

Sara startled, like she only just realized she wasn’t alone. She looked up slowly, the pain on her face overshadowed by the large, purple bruises that were suddenly visible.

“Holy shit, Sara! Are you- how- what happened?” Ava didn’t know what to do as Sara just sat there, staring blankly at her. “Do you need something? Do you want me to go get someone?” Sara shook her head. She winced, and her hand went to her temple, tears building in her eyes. She closed them, and Ava took the opportunity to pull out her phone. She really hoped that her brother was at school that early.

The phone rang once, and then, _“Hello? Ava?”_

“Rip! Are you at school yet?”

_“Yeah, just got here. Why?”_

“I need you to come to Mr. Stein’s room _right now_.”

_“Okay? Is it an emergency?”_

“Yeah, it’s urgent. It’s… it’s Sara.”

The line went dead. Ava pulled the phone away from her ear and saw Sara staring at her in horror. “He hung up on me.”

“What the fuck did you do?” Ava was taken aback by Sara’s sharp tone and terrified eyes.

“I just told-” Sara’s face crumbled, and tears streamed down over her battered cheeks. Again, Ava wasn’t sure what to do for the girl. She crossed the room and sat next to Sara, putting her hand on the desk next to the sobbing girl’s arm.

“Sara? Is it okay if I touch you?” Sara just nodded, tears still flooding her eyes. Ava tentatively wrapped her arm around Sara’s shoulders and felt the girl’s whole body shake. As soon as Ava’s arm settled on the other girl, Sara collapsed into her, burying her face in Ava’s chest and clutching so tightly at her shirt that Ava was sure she would leave wrinkles. She heaved with the force of her sobs, and Ava held her as tightly as she could without putting too much pressure on Sara’s bruises. After a moment, Ava heard the slapping of shoes against the floor in the hallway. Rip burst into the room, red faced.

He took one look at the panicked expression on Ava’s face and Sara sobbing into her shirt and exhaled, “Shit.” Sara lifted her head to see who had entered, and he let out another heavy breath at the sight of her face. “Jesus, Sara,” he said, slowly, “what the hell happened.”

“It’s not as bad-”

“Don’t bullshit me, Lance.” Sara sighed.

“Jeff.” Ava was confused. Who was Jeff? Why had he done that to Sara? Why was Sara at school when she looked like she had tried to fight an NFL player?

“When?” Rip’s tone had taken on a dangerous edge, and Ava could see his hands clenched into tight fists.

“Last night. He was getting ready to go to work and we got into it again. He kept saying all this stuff about my dad, and I just… pushed him. Then… then he-” Sara whimpered, and Ava started stroking her hair to try and calm her. “He hit me. Then he hit me again, and he wouldn’t stop.” Sara was still shaking in Ava’s arms.

“When he went to work, I left. Started walking around. My mom probably doesn’t even know I wasn’t there last night. We got into a fight right before... but I just couldn’t go back. Couldn’t be there when he- when he got home.” Sara took a deep, shuddering breath. “Rip, could I- could you- would it be okay if I stayed with you and G tonight? Just the one night, I swear. I know it’s weird, but-”

“No.” Ava and Sara both looked at Rip, Ava in confusion and Sara with a dejected, defeated sadness.

“Oh. Okay. I’m sorry.” She fidgeted nervously with the piece of Ava’s shirt that she had wrapped around her hand while she cried.

“No, Sara, I’m saying not just the one night. I’m not letting you go back to that house while that piece of shit is there. You’re going to need some things from your house, but I’ll have Amaya do that later.” Rip’s eyes were blazing, and his face was red again, but this time it wasn’t from exertion. “You’re staying with us. However long you need to.”

Sara settled as he finished speaking and rested her head back on Ava’s shoulder.

“Rip,” Ava said, gently, “maybe you should go get some ice for Sara and then we will meet you in your office. Unless you want to stay here?” The question was directed at Sara, but she shook her head, slowly this time, so she wouldn’t disturb her injuries. “Okay then. We will meet you in your office in five minutes.” Rip nodded and hurried out of the room to the cafeteria.

When he was gone, Sara seemed to finally realize where she was, and who she was leaning on. Ava could feel Sara’s whole body tense and go still. She gently extricated herself from Ava’s arms and turned to face her. Ava watched her eyes, cautious and unsure, pass over her whole face in search of an explanation.

“Why are you here, Ava?”

“I’m sorry.” Sara’s eyes widened, and then her eyebrows pulled together in confusion. They pulled on something else too, if the grimace on Sara’s face was anything to go by.

“What?”

“I’ve needed to say that for a while now. This whole thing between us started because I couldn’t apologize for what I said to you. It was petty, and I was wrong. I won’t make the same mistake a second time.”

“Well… thank you. That still doesn’t explain why you’re _here_. Letting me cry on you and not making fun of me.”

“Look, Sara,” Ava started. Sara’s eyes widened at the use of her first name. “What? You called me Ava. I thought we were just doing that now.” Sara shrugged and nodded. “Okay well, what I was going to say was, I don’t hate you. You’re a pain in my ass, but you’re clearly smart and, from what I’ve heard a lot the past few weeks, kind as well. I don’t want us to keep fighting, and I would really like it if we could try to be friendly.” Ava bit her lip as she looked at Sara hopefully.

“I also don’t want to fight with you. Mostly because I would win, and we all know you’re a sore loser.” Ava rolled her eyes but smiled a little. “But yeah, I think I would like that.” Sara smiled back at Ava, gently, so she wouldn’t keep hurting herself.

“We should probably go to Rip’s office now. You need to take care of those bruises, and I’m sure you don’t want the rest of the yearbook staff to see you like this.”

“You’re right,” Sara agreed. “I’ll text Amaya and let her know that I won’t be in class today.” Ava stood up and offered her hand to Sara.

“Easy does it, okay? Take it slow so you don’t aggravate anything.” Sara shot her a grateful smile, and took her hand, getting to her feet slowly. They left the room and started down the hall. The school was still mostly empty, their footsteps echoing dully off of the vinyl floors as they made their way toward the gym. Ava didn’t notice that Sara hadn’t let go of her hand until she tried to use it to open the gym door. Sara quickly dropped it, blushing, and stepped into the gym.

When they got to Rip’s office, he had a plastic bag full of ice wrapped in a towel ready for Sara. He looked up from his phone as they entered, face grim.

“Sara, I called Gideon and she’s going to come pick you up, okay? She’s off right now and I can’t skip my classes on such short notice.”

“That’s fine, Rip. What am I going to do about _my_ classes, though?”

“I’ll write you a note. No worries. You were feeling sick and needed to go home.” Sara smiled gratefully at him and all but collapsed into one of his chairs. She looked down at her hands, the smile dropping off her face.

“I’m really sorry you both had to deal with that. I know I’m a mess.”

To everyone’s surprise, Ava spoke up first. “You don’t have to apologize, you did nothing wrong. I’m just glad I got there as early as I did. Unfortunately, I do have to go to class now. Let me know if you need anything.” Ava turned and was most of the way out the door when she heard Sara’s quiet voice.

“Ava… thank you.” Ava smiled at Sara over her shoulder and then headed to yearbook.

 

* * *

 

 

Ava thought about Sara all day. She couldn’t stop picturing the dark splotches of color that marred her face or the broken way she had looked at Ava when she asked Sara if she could touch her. She also couldn’t help but wonder if this incident was somehow connected to what she had overheard on Friday night after the game. She hadn’t meant to hear it, but now she was kind of glad that she had.

Ava had been walking down the hall toward the locker room, hoping to find Rip to see if he wanted to hang out with her and Gary, maybe get some dinner, when she saw a girl grab Sara and drag her into a room down the hall. She wasn’t sure if maybe the mystery girl was pulling Sara in there to… do stuff… or if it was the girl who was trying to kill Sara on the field all night. She decided that she should probably find out if Sara was okay or if she needed rescuing. Ava walked down the hall and leaned close to the door where she could make out the sound of muffled voices, the snark in Sara’s voice easy to identify even through a door. It had certainly been directed at her enough for her to recognize.

“…not the one who’s fucked up. I wonder what all your friends would say if they knew that it’s your fault that your dad is dead.” The other girl’s voice was almost teasing, though the words she said were anything but.

She couldn’t hear Sara’s response, or most of what the other girl said next, but she definitely heard when she raised her voice and said, “Let’s find out if you’d have any friends left if I told them that you were the one who told your dad to kill himself.”

Shit.

Ava didn’t hear anything from Sara, but experience told her that Sara would be running out of the storage room any second. Not wanting to get caught listening, Ava sprinted to the door that led outside toward the school. She didn’t know what her plan was, but she didn’t want Sara to have to go into the locker room after that. She knew that Rip was either in the locker room or on the field still, so maybe his office was empty. She had just made it outside of the building when she heard the door inside being flung open and she pushed through to see Sara looking around wildly as she almost ran into Ava. Ava twisted her face into a surprised expression before saying, “Hey, Sara. I’m looking for Rip. I was just in the school, but the offices are empty. Do you know where he is?” The other girl shook her head, clearly unable to say anything. “Okay, well, have a good night.” She stepped out of the doorway and pulled out her phone as Sara pushed through the doors. Ava immediately texted Kuasa.

_9:00 pm_

Hey idc what she’s doing but you need to tell Zari to go to Rip’s office ASAP. Sara is there and seemed really upset.

_9:01 pm_

Okay. Done. Do you know what’s up with her?

_9:01 pm_

No but it seemed pretty bad

_9:02 pm_

Okay. Z is on her way w/ Amaya

_9:03 pm_

Thanks K

_9:05 pm_

No prob

 

Ava put her phone back in her pocket and walked up to the door, setting her shoulders for what she was about to do. She pushed open the door to the supply closet that Sara had occupied a minute before and was met with the sight of the unknown girl typing something on her phone. Without looking up, she said, “If you’re back to beg for mercy, it’s too late, Sara. I’m about to send this text to every Star City kid I know.”

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Ava said, menacingly. The low, unfamiliar voice made the girl stop typing and look up to see Ava staring her down. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll delete that message and leave now and never talk to Sara again.”

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” The girl smirked at Ava, but didn’t give her a chance to respond, before saying, “Who are you anyway, her girlfriend?”

“No. I’m not. Honestly, we aren’t even friends. You shouldn’t send that message because it doesn’t matter what you think Sara did to you, telling people something that private just to hurt someone else, someone who has clearly already experienced a lot of shit in her life, is just cruel.” The brunette scoffed at Ava, who then stepped closer threateningly. “And also, because I’ve wanted to be an FBI profiler for my entire life and I’ve studied the lives and methods of at least 25 serial killers. That means I know how to make you disappear and make sure no one ever finds the body.” The girl cowered under Ava’s glare.

She hurriedly deleted the message and showed Ava. “Look. It’s gone. Please don’t hurt me.” Ava just kept glaring.

“If this gets out, I know who to find. I don’t ever want to see you again.” The other girl, whose name she still didn’t know, edged around Ava and ran out the door. Ava took a few deep breaths before following her out into the hallway. She almost ran into Zari and Amaya as she stepped out of the closet. They gave her strange looks when they saw where she had been moments before.

“Ava? Hey, uh, Kuasa said that you saw Sara a minute ago, and that she was upset. Are you sure she went to Rip’s office? Also, why were you in that closet?”

Ava blushed and looked at Amaya for a second, unsure how to respond to her. She couldn’t tell Sara’s secret, even to her best friends, because it wasn’t hers to tell, and Sara clearly hadn’t told anyone in Star City about it. Finally, she said, “Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s where she was headed. And this is the closet that she was in just before she ran away, so I was checking to see if what upset her was in there somewhere, but all I found was that one girl from Central City who looked like she was trying to kill Sara during the game earlier.”

Zari scowled and said to Amaya, “Gwen. That bitch. Sara told me about how she used to harass her all the time. I’m gonna go find her and… talk to her.” Amaya grabbed Zari’s arm before she could take more than two steps.

“No, babe. You can’t get in trouble again so soon. Besides, Sara needs us right now.” Ava watched in awe as Amaya’s touch and voice completely calmed Zari to the point that if Ava hadn’t seen her 20 seconds before, she wouldn’t have even known Zari was anything other than serene. Ava started panicking as they moved to walk past her. What if they told Sara who had sent them, and she figured out that Ava had overheard what Gwen said? Then she would definitely never speak to Ava again.

“Hey Amaya? Zari?” They looked at her. “Maybe don’t tell Sara that I was the one who sent you?” The two girls seemed confused as to why she was asking or why it would matter, so she made up the best excuse she could think of. “I don’t think she wanted anyone to know that she was upset, and we haven’t exactly been on the best terms lately, so if you wouldn’t mind to just leave me out of it, I would appreciate it.” Amaya nodded, still looking a little confused, and dragged Zari out the door as she left.

Ava sighed in relief and went to find Rip.

 

* * *

 

 

Later that Monday, Ava made her way home after school and texted Rip.

 

_3:34 pm_

Hey. Is Sara okay? I’ve been worried about her all day.

 

It was a while before she got a response. She had already eaten and started on her homework when her phone buzzed.

 

_6:47 pm_

She’s doing as well as can be expected. Gideon took a look at her injuries and, while they’re very painful, there was no permanent damage that needs urgent medical attention. Sorry it took so long to respond, I was at her house with Amaya and Zari.

 

_6:48 pm_

Was that okay? Did you all run into her mom or that guy? Jeff?

 

_6:50 pm_

We’re fine. Jeff was asleep when we got there, and the girls were quiet enough that they didn’t wake him.

 

_6:53 pm_

Okay. Well, let me know if there’s anything I can do. I’m glad she’s okay.

 

_6:55 pm_

I will. Thank you for checking on her. I’ll let her know that you texted.

_6:56 pm_

Cool

Ava paced in her bedroom. She didn’t know whether or not she should try to talk to Zari or Amaya at school the next day about the situation, but she didn’t even know if they were aware of the part she had played in it. Ava knew that Zari was the one responsible for planning the chair prank, so she knew that she was definitely not a fan of Ava, but Amaya seemed like a good person. Unfortunately, she also seemed like the kind of person who would carry the secret of someone she cared about to the grave, which didn’t help in this instance because even if Amaya knew that Ava had some idea of Sara’s past, it was only in the context of Ava rubbing it in the other girl’s face. Her mistake was really coming back to haunt her now, and she wished that she had known the full extent of Sara’s trauma before the whole situation began.

It seemed a bit odd to Ava how worked up she was getting over Sara Lance. A month ago, she was ready to punch the other girl in the face, had wanted nothing to do with her, but now she was genuinely concerned for her well-being. If she was being honest with herself, Sara had always held a certain amount of her attention, regardless of how much Ava wanted to just ignore her, but Ava had just chalked it up to her irritating personality and tendency to show off. Now, however, she was considering the idea that she had somehow known that there was something Sara wasn’t letting anyone see. Ava might not be great at people and emotions, but there was a reason she had always wanted to be a profiler, and that was that she liked solving puzzles, understanding things about people that they themselves didn’t know. Sara had caught Ava’s attention from the moment she stepped foot in Star City High School, but it was only after Ava realized there was more to Sara’s story that she could admit she was curious about the other girl.

Ava flopped down on her back on the bed and ran her hands over her face, frustrated. She considered just texting Sara herself, but she wasn’t sure if that would be welcome. They hadn’t really made up, though Ava had finally gotten the chance to apologize to Sara, which counted for something, hopefully. She sat up. Well, if she couldn’t find out any more about Sara that night, she might as well finish studying for the AP Chem test that Friday.

Ava didn’t even really want to take chemistry that year, having already taken the regular class sophomore year, but last year Kuasa had told her that someone else in the school was close to taking as many AP classes as her. She hadn’t been able to tell Ava who it was, but it had influenced Ava’s class selection for senior year because the AP classes were weighted, and she desperately needed to be the valedictorian. Ava suspected that the person in second place was Ray, though she hadn’t been able to confirm which classes he had taken in previous years, but it didn’t really matter as long as she still came out on top. Penn was difficult to get into, but Ava was determined to do everything she could to make herself a more appealing applicant, including earning the honor of being the top of her class.

 

* * *

 

 

Sara wasn’t at school for the rest of the week and Ava had gotten increasingly more worried about her as it progressed. She asked Kuasa if she had heard anything about Sara’s absence, but Kuasa just said that Amaya told her that Sara was sick, to which Ava just shrugged and nodded, unwilling to give anything away that Sara didn’t want other people to know. By Friday, though, she had grown desperate, and she asked Dr. Bennett if she could take Sara her assignments for the week. He agreed and asked if Ava would be willing to also help her with any of the concepts that she didn’t understand, so after school that day, she drove over to Rip’s house and hoped that she wasn’t going to screw everything up even more.

It took a while for anyone to answer the door when she knocked, but eventually it creaked open slightly, Sara’s bruised face appearing in the opening. The colors had changed slightly, more blue was present instead of the initial reddish purple that Ava had seen Monday in the classroom. From her research on serial killer’s and their victims, Ava knew that in a couple of days it would turn green, then yellow, before fading altogether. Sara still looked as good as she always did, though, and she cracked a confused half-smile at the sight of Ava on the front steps.

“Sharpe? I mean, uh, Ava. What are you doing here?” Sara was looking around the street behind Ava with concern and had pulled back so she was partly hidden behind the door.

“Aside from the fact that this is my brother’s house, you mean?” Ava raised an eyebrow at the shorter girl. “I brought you your calculus homework for the week and Dr. Bennett asked me to make sure you understood everything. Is it okay if I come in?” Sara swept her hand out in a gesture to indicate that Ava should enter and then shut the door behind her in a hurry, leaning back against it and slumping her shoulders and she breathed out slowly. Ava wasn’t sure what her issue was, but she decided against outright asking her, opting instead to venture farther into the house, setting her backpack down next to the kitchen table and pulling out the material that she had brought for Sara.

“Okay, so there were two worksheets of problems that we did in class, pretty basic derivatives from before the break, but of the two homework assignments, one is a pretty lengthy proof and the other is from today. The class started learning how to do partial derivatives today. So, if you want, I can leave these with you and you can just call me if you need help, or I can stay and help you work through them right now. Completely up to you.” She turned to look at Sara and noticed that the other girl was pretty pale underneath the dark bruises. “Are you okay?”

“We, uh, reported what happened to the cops. They said they would have to go take Jeff’s statement before anything could be done, before I could like, press charges, and I’ve been terrified that he’s going to show up here while I’m alone. Gideon had a few days off and Z and Amaya stayed with me yesterday, but I’ve been by myself today and I guess I’m a little on edge.” She pursed her lips and stared resolutely at the wall behind Ava, who could tell that Sara was trying her hardest to look like she was doing okay, despite what she had just admitted. “I think I should be okay to figure out the assignments on my own, or with a little help from Google, so you don’t need to stay.” Sara was fidgeting with the sleeves of her sweatshirt and Ava got the feeling that she was only putting on a show because of what she had let Ava witness when she found her in Mr. Stein’s classroom.

Ava came to a realization quickly, then made her decision. “I’m going to stay if that’s okay with you.” She knew that Sara would never admit that she needed someone there with her, so Ava tried to ease the pressure. “It’s way easier to actually learn the proof if you work through it with someone else instead of just copying it from the internet, and I don’t really want to go home just yet. Plus, I haven’t gotten much of a chance to see Rip this week.” She smiled softly at Sara, not wanting her to think that she was accusing her of monopolizing Rip again.

Sara smiled back weakly. “Yeah, that’s cool. Rip will be happy that you’re here. I think G said something about ordering pizza for dinner, so if you wanted to stay, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.” She moved to the table and began sorting through the papers that Ava had brought her. “Let’s start with the worksheet from Monday.”

They worked on the assignments for about an hour and a half, Ava realizing as they talked through them that Sara was only really asking for her insight to humor her, and that Sara actually caught on quickly to the concepts that had been taught while she was absent. Just as they were finishing the homework on partial derivatives, they heard the garage door opening. Sara’s body tensed for a moment, but when she realized where the source of the noise was, she relaxed and started packing up the rest of the notes that were included in the packet of material from Dr. Bennett. A moment later, Rip strolled into the room.

“Hey Sara- and Ava. Hello.” He looked surprised to see the two of them sitting there in his kitchen, coexisting peacefully. “Um, are you all okay?”

“Yeah, Ava just came over to give me my calculus homework for the week. We were working on it.” Sara grinned at Rip. “Unlike certain other people in her family, Ava is a good influence on me. I literally have no idea how you two are related.” Ava wasn’t sure how to take Sara’s last statement, because it almost seemed like she was _complimenting_ her. That couldn’t be possible, right? Sara had made it very clear that she detested Ava’s uptight, rule-following attitude. But she had just said that Ava was a good influence. Then why… oh. She had just been trying to poke fun at Rip. She didn’t actually like Ava. That made more sense.

Ava ducked her head to hide her blush. She didn’t know why she wanted Sara’s approval, though she suspected that it had something to do with wanting to make up for what she had said to the other girl that one day before yearbook. She had apologized on Monday for that, but it had obviously been an emotional moment for Sara, and Ava wanted to be sure that if Sara forgave her, that it wasn’t because she was in a vulnerable state.

Rip rolled his eyes at Sara and looked at Ava. “Hey killer, you staying for dinner? Gideon should be home pretty soon and we’re going to order pizza.”

“Sure, Rip. I’m not too eager to head home, so dinner sounds great.” She shrugged, and Rip gave her an understanding look.

“Your mom still giving you a hard time?”

“Yeah. I just try to stay out of her way when I know there will be enough time for her to start ranting at me.” Sara was giving her a funny look and she didn’t know why. She raised an eyebrow at her, but Sara just turned away and went back to putting her school work away. When she was finished, they went into the living room to watch tv to kill time waiting for Gideon to get home. Sara introduced Ava to a show called Brooklyn 99, a cop show about a precinct in New York, and Ava was immediately hooked. They only had time to watch a few episodes before Gideon arrived, but Ava had already fallen in love with the characters, especially one of the female detectives, Amy, who Ava felt a connection to. She related to the way that Amy tried to follow the rules and be the best detective she could be while surrounded by cops who didn’t care at all about the rules and just did whatever they wanted to do, particularly Jake, a detective who acted like he had never outgrown his teenage idiocy and flaunted his disregard for procedure and order. She found herself getting annoyed with Jake’s juvenile behavior and unerring ability to get himself and all of his friends in trouble.

“Ya know, I kinda think you’re a lot like Captain Holt.” Ava was surprised when Sara spoke to her, interrupting the quiet in which they were watching the show. When she realized what the other girl had said, she was a little offended.

“Excuse me? You think I’m like the robot captain who had no emotions and is an asshole?” Ava’s eyebrows were drawn together as she looked over at Sara, annoyed, and a little hurt. Surely after what had happened on Monday, Sara at least knew that Ava was capable of showing some emotions.

“No, no. Sorry, I forgot you haven’t seen more than these two episodes. Captain Holt definitely does have emotions, he just doesn’t show them the way other people do. He seems like a hardass, but he’s actually super sweet to the people that he cares about.” Ava didn’t know what to make of that, but at least that seemed to mean that Sara kind of thought that she was an okay person. They heard the garage door open again, and Sara jumped a little. Ava instinctively put her hand on Sara’s knee in an effort to comfort her and was surprised when Sara didn’t immediately pull away. Sara looked down at her hand and then back up at Ava, opening her mouth to say something, but before she could, Gideon swept into the room, hair pulled back and scrubs rustling.

“Sara! How are you doing? Were you okay here by yourself all day? Sorry I couldn’t stay home with you, but-” She stopped, suddenly realizing that Sara was not alone in the room. She looked surprised to see that Ava was the one sitting there, but she narrowed her eyes once the shock had worn off, and then looked back to Sara. “Um, why is she here?”

Ava ducked her head as she felt her face start to burn. Even after the one dinner that Rip orchestrated for the three of them, Gideon still definitely did not like Ava, and she made it very clear. Ava wasn’t sure what it was that Gideon still detested so much, but she was sure that it had to do with how uncomfortable she was letting loose and having fun with anyone besides Gary, Kuasa, and Nora. She knew that she wasn’t exactly the most charming person, and that she didn’t handle social situations with a lot of grace, things that her mother had pointed out time and time again, but she had hoped that Gideon would at least give her a chance to start again and try to smooth things over. No such luck. She could feel Gideon’s eyes on her as she waited for Sara to respond.

“She was helping me with my homework, G. She’s the TA for calculus, so she brought me the work that I missed.” Ava just nodded, still not looking at either of them.

“You sure she wasn’t just being nosy and trying to figure out why you weren’t at school?” Gideon asked as she walked into the kitchen.

“Dude, no.” Ava looked up to see Sara raising her eyebrow at her, silently asking what was with Gideon.

“Don’t worry about it,” Ava muttered once Gideon was out of earshot. “She hates me. Always has.” Sara frowned, but didn’t say anything else, nor did Gideon. Ava sat on the couch as Sara went into the kitchen to help Gideon with the pizza order. She and Ava had discussed it while watching Brooklyn 99 earlier, so Sara knew what she wanted. Once the order was placed, Sara came back in and resumed the episode they had been watching, Gideon joining them soon after that, shooting suspicious glances at Ava the whole time. Rip joined them, since he was finished working on the school stuff he had to do that afternoon, and they waited for the pizza to be delivered.

The doorbell rang after about 20 minutes, and Rip got up to pay for the pizza. As he opened the door, the three girls heard a surprised shout from him, then another voice yelling, “Sara, you little bitch, I know you’re in there! I’m gonna kill you!”

Ava could feel the sudden tension in the room, the way that Sara completely froze, her eyes wide with fear and her body shaking. She looked at Gideon and saw that the older woman was also frozen with fear like Sara, but that there was also burning anger underneath it. Ava snapped out of it first, pulling out her phone and calling 911. While it rang, she said quietly to Gideon, “Gideon! Get Sara upstairs and stay quiet. I’m calling the police and then I’ll help Rip.” The older woman looked startled at the intensity of Ava’s command, but she obeyed, pulling Sara up off the couch and guiding her in her still frozen state up the stairs.

Ava could hear Rip and the man, who she assumed was Jeff, arguing at the door and she quickly told the dispatcher on the phone what was happening. The woman promised to send officers to the house as soon as they could get there, and Ava hung up. Then, she moved quietly to a place where she could see the door but couldn’t be seen by anyone outside the house. She started filming the encounter, just in case.

She saw Jeff try to grab Rip’s arm, shouting, “Let me inside you fucking moron! She’s not yours and she’s coming home with me! Get your fucking hands off of me and give me the girl or I will beat the shit out of you like I did to her!” Rip held him back, but only just.

It seemed like it took ages, but finally the cops showed up and restrained Jeff, though he was doing a decent job of acting like an innocent, concerned parent. He kept telling them that he was just worried about Sara and that her mom was looking for her since she ran away. When the cops expressed some doubt, Ava showed them the video she had taken of him ranting and yelling, at which point Jeff starting cursing at her and calling _her_ names. The officers arrested him and told Rip that they would be back later to make sure everything was okay with Sara.

As they were leaving, the pizza guy finally arrived, and Rip and Ava went back inside.

Ava went upstairs to find Sara having a panic attack, rocking slightly on the floor next to the bed in the guest room, and Gideon standing across the room, looking scared. Ava approached the crying girl and sat down close to her, but not close enough to freak her out. Gideon was shaking her head, trying to warn Ava away, but Ava just reached out a hand, placing it on the floor close to Sara’s feet.

“Hey. Sara. Jeff is gone. The police took him away.” Ava spoke in a soft, slow voice, hoping to ease some of Sara’s worry. “He won’t be coming back here. You’re safe now.” The rocking slowed, and Sara looked up at her from where she had been staring at a spot on the floor, her face streaked with tears and her eyes wide and terrified. “My hand is right here.” Ava wiggled her fingers on the floor to catch Sara’s attention. “It’s not going anywhere, so if you need to hold it, you can.”

Ava sat there, trying not to stare at Sara while she waited to see what would happen. The other girl kept staring at Ava’s hand. She wasn’t reaching for it, but she also hadn’t moved away, which Ava took as a good sign. Ava saw movement out of the corner of her eye and turned to see Gideon, whom she had forgotten was even in the room, take a step toward them. She shook her head at the older woman.

“Gideon, do you think you could give us a minute? Maybe go see if Rip needs any help getting dinner set up?” Gideon looked like the last thing she wanted was to leave Sara alone with Ava, but with one last look at the broken expression on Sara’s face, she turned and left the room. Once she had gone, Ava looked at Sara again, noting that she had pretty much stopped crying at that point, and just looked exhausted.

“Sara? How are you doing?” The other girl looked at her and smiled weakly.

“Fine. Sorry you had to see that. Again.” Her voice was hoarse, and she looked embarrassed, but reached out her own hand and laid it on top of Ava’s on the floor. Ava turned her hand over and looked questioningly at Sara who laced their fingers together and then closed her eyes, leaning her head back on the edge of the bed. “I hate that he gets to me like that, but I was fucking terrified.”

Ava started rubbing her thumb along the side of Sara’s hand, the motion causing Sara’s body to relax further. “It’s okay to be scared, Sara. No one thinks any less of you. What he did to you was horrible, and you have every right to feel like that.” Sara tried to smile again, but it slid off her face almost immediately. She looked back at Ava, staring for a long time without speaking.

Finally, she asked, “Why are you here?”

“I feel like we just had this conversation.” Ava laughed, and Sara snorted a little before getting serious again.

“For real, though. Like, I understand that you found me in Marty’s room, and you were here at the house at the wrong time, but why are you _here_? Why are you sitting next to me on the floor, holding my hand?” Sara gestured at where their fingers were intertwined on the floor between them.

Ava started to pull her hand away, saying, “Oh, sorry, I was just- and you didn’t-” but Sara cut her off, squeezing even tighter.

“No, it’s fine. I don’t mind, I was just curious how you knew what to do when I was freaking out. No one ever knows, even Gideon.” Ava bit her lip and looked down at their hands again.

“Um, you know my friend Gary?” Sara nodded.

“The dweeby one? Glasses?”

“Yeah, that one. He used to have panic attacks like, all the time before he came out. He was terrified of people making fun of him and harassing him and he was so scared that his parents would hate him that he broke down almost daily. I was the first person that he told, so I was there for a lot of them. I eventually learned some of the basics of how to help. Sometimes, though, there’s nothing that you can do, and you just have to wait it out. Some people like physical comfort, for others it’s the opposite of helpful. It just depends.” Sara was looking at her curiously.

“Oh right, I always forget that Gary is trans. How did his parents react?”

“They’re super cool about it. They have been supportive since the very beginning, but it still took a lot of time and therapy for Gary to not experience as many panic attacks. He still has them sometimes, but they’re not usually about that anymore. The only person he was close to who reacted badly was my mom, and they just don’t see each other anymore.” Sara’s brow furrowed, and she frowned.

“What did your mom do?”

“Well, she’s definitely transphobic and apparently super homophobic, which I didn’t realize until recently. She basically said if he was going to ‘choose that lifestyle’ that she didn’t want any part of it and she and Gary’s mom stopped being friends, which meant that Gary didn’t ever see her. She tried to keep me from being friends with him too, but Gary is my person. We’ve been friends basically since I can remember, and I wasn’t about to ditch him just because he’s not a girl.” Sara smiled at that.

“Well, I’m sorry he had to go through all of that, but I’m not sorry that you knew what to do to help me. I really appreciate it.” Ava blushed and looked at their hands, still connected in the space between them.

“It’s no big deal. I’m just glad I could help.” Sara squeezed her hand one more time before standing and tugging on Ava’s arm.

“Come on. It’s dinner time. Let’s eat pizza.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't the end of Jeff, but I hope it gave y'all a little bit of resolution. Let me know what you think!


	10. is there anyone out there (cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara adjusts to life with Rip and Gideon. Ava learns a lot about Sara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so remember when I said I would try to update this every week and then I didn't post anything for like 4 months? Yeah. Sorry about that. Enjoy this chapter tho!

After the drama of the week before, Sara was ready to go back to normal life. Well, as normal as it could be since she was living with Rip and Gideon instead of at her mom’s house. Her mom had called her in a panic when the cops went to speak with Jeff the first time, yelling at her for getting him in trouble, so she told her what had been going on with help from Gideon and Rip since she had been too emotional and scared to get all of the words out herself. Dinah hadn’t wanted to believe her at first, but once Sara told her that she had photos of the injuries, she broke down crying. Sara couldn’t handle that, so she told her mom that she would be staying with Rip and Gideon for a while and hung up.

Life with the Hunters was good. She was so much less stressed all the time, could finally sleep peacefully through the night, and didn’t have to avoid going home in the evening like she had tried to do when she lived with her mom and Jeff. Rip and Gideon were way more supportive than her mom had ever been, though with them it felt more like an older sibling relationship than parents. She had only been living with them for a week and a half, but already she was feeling almost like she had with her dad before Laurel died and he started his downward spiral.

Speaking of, she realized with a start that because of all of the drama with Jeff and having to go stay with Rip, she hadn’t noticed that the two-year anniversary of her dad’s death was less than a week away. Suddenly all of the repressed emotions she had forgotten about came rushing back. Guilt, anger, despair. She could feel herself ready to fall apart, the timing of which was not convenient since she was in the middle of a soccer practice on a Thursday afternoon.

She completely missed the ball that was passed her way by Kuasa, and almost ran into Julia, stopped only by the other forward’s outstretched arms. Sara shook her head in an effort to get her mind back on the scrimmage they were playing, but she was distracted for the rest of practice, something that Rip had evidently taken note of. When practice ended, and they were walking out to his car, having decided that since they were at school at roughly the same time every day they should just drive together, he brought it up.

“So, what had you so shaken up earlier? You seemed like you were doing fine, but then it’s like your brain just shut down.” He looked at her carefully as he spoke, probably unsure whether or not he was going to upset her even more.

Sara fidgeted with the sleeves of her practice shirt, the emotions that had arisen during practice still present just under the surface, and replied, “I, um, I realized that next Wednesday is gonna be two years since my dad died and I had forgotten about it. So now I feel even worse about it.”

“Oh, Sara.” Rip was looking at her with pity in his eyes and Sara wanted no part of that.

“No, it’s fine. Please don’t mention it to anyone else. I don’t want another pity party like you guys did for Laurel. Seriously, it’s fine.”

Rip didn’t look like he believed her, but he let it go for the moment. They drove home mostly in silence, Sara lost in her thoughts as she tried to keep from spiraling. She kept it together until they got to the house, but as soon as they were inside, she ran into her room and collapsed on the bed, the weight of her realization and subsequent guilt making it hard for her to breathe or think.

She pulled out her phone to text Amaya or Zari but remembered that it was their three-year anniversary that day. They were out at dinner and Sara didn’t want to interrupt their night. She tossed her phone on the bed next to her leg and flopped onto her back, running a hand down her face and sighing heavily.

Logically, Sara knew that she could probably text any of the other Legends and they would be there for her, at least in their own way, but she was reluctant to pull any of them into her emotional whirlwind. There was too much that she had left unsaid for too long, and she knew that she didn’t have the strength to explain the entire situation to anyone. She wished that there was someone who knew the whole story, but the only other person who was privy to those details was Joe, and Sara didn’t want to burden him with her shit when she was sure that he was already having a tough time with it being the two-year anniversary of his partner and best friend killing himself.

She laid on her bed for a while, she wasn’t sure exactly how long, drowning in guilt and loneliness, when her phone buzzed. She picked it up, assuming it was Gideon or Rip telling her about dinner or something, but she saw that it was from an unknown number.

_5:47pm_

Hello, this is Ava Sharpe. I’m sorry to bother you, but I needed to ask you about something for yearbook that I meant to mention today in class. I am working on finalizing the girls’ soccer page, and I need a quote for the copy. I asked Kuasa, but she said that since you are the captain, you should be the one I ask. There’s no rush, I just didn’t want to forget again.

_5:50pm_

Also, I got your number from Rip. I hope that’s okay. Again, sorry to bother you.

Sara stared at the screen for a couple of minutes, debating whether or not to respond to Ava then or keep wallowing. To be honest, Ava had been pretty helpful on Friday, when Sara had a panic attack after Jeff showed up. Somehow, the other girl had known exactly what to do to get her to calm down, and Sara hadn’t felt that safe since her dad died, which was weird because she basically didn’t know Ava at all. Even with Amaya and Zari, Sara couldn’t completely relax, knowing that she was keeping something huge from them. She was constantly worried that they would somehow find out about her dad and abandon her, a fear that was even more pressing now that Gwen knew about it and was going to tell people.

Actually, it had been a while since she had threatened to tell, yet no one had said anything to Sara about it. That meant one of two things, either everyone knew, and no one cared, or Gwen had never actually intended to tell anyone about it. Both of those options seemed equally as unlikely, so Sara had no idea what had happened to prevent word from getting out.

Sara’s phone buzzed again, and she saw that it was a message from Gideon.

_6:04 pm_

dinner is ready darling. come get something to eat

_6:05 pm_

i’m not super hungry right now, G

could you put some on a plate and put it in the microwave for me?

 

Sara looked back at the texts from Ava. Maybe she could distract herself with talking about the yearbook page for a little while. She definitely didn’t want to keep thinking about her dad at the moment, so she texted Ava back.

_6:09 pm_

hey, Ava. its no problem, but would u mind if i call u instead of giving u the quote thru text?

_6:11 pm_

If you insist on texting like that, then yes, a phone call would be preferable.

_6:12_

jerk

Sara called the number and it only rang once before she heard Ava say, _“Hello?_ ”

“Hey. Sorry if I’m interrupting something. I just didn’t feel like typing a whole thing out. Plus, like, I’m not sure exactly what it is you want me to say?”

_“It’s okay. I really just want a quote from you that I can use in the copy, but obviously your season isn’t over yet, so if you could speak to your experience as a whole on the team or like, how you feel about being captain instead of any predictions about how far you all will go, that would be great. We will include the season record, as well as any playoff appearances, so it would be a little weird if you just talked about that.”_

“Okay. What if I just tell you a little bit about being on the team and you can use whatever you want?”

_“Yeah, that would be great.”_

“Cool. Well, so I moved here sophomore year, and the season was almost over, but Rip let me practice with the team and stuff since I played in Central City. I don’t think I played in any games that year, but I worked my ass off in practice and came back the next year and did the same thing, but that year I started in all of the games. Rip really took me under his wing and taught me how to be a leader, which I wasn’t super great at before.”

Sara chuckled at what an understatement that was. “I did my best to step up junior year and not like take over the team or anything, but I tried to show that I was responsible enough to handle a leadership role, which I think I earned. Rip made me captain for this year, and I’ve done my best to live up to his expectations, as well as the team’s. Soccer is my life, though. I don’t think there is anything I love as much as playing soccer. It’s my happy place and I love all of the girls on my team, they’re like family. I’ve given everything I have to the team, and they’ve given it back to me. So far, we are undefeated this season, and I feel confident that we will make it pretty far into the playoffs.”

_“Okay, perfect. Let me just finish my notes. I have a couple of questions, if you don’t mind.”_

“Sure, no prob.”

_“So, can you tell me when you started playing soccer?”_

“It was in second grade. I was always a pretty active kid, and that was the first sport that I tried out that really stuck. I’ve been playing consistently ever since.”

_“Great. Do you plan to continue playing after high school?”_

“That’s the plan. I hope to play in college, but first I have to keep my academics up to the standard of wherever I end up.”

“Yeah, that’s cool. Thank you for giving me some information. I’ll let you get back to… whatever you were doing before I interrupted. Good-”

“Wait!” Sara really didn’t want to be stuck in her head all evening, which she knew would happen if she didn’t stay distracted. She wracked her brain for something that would keep Ava on the phone without having to reveal what was really going on with her. “Umm… I was sort of wondering… well, I was doing the calc homework from yesterday, you know the one over limits? And I can’t quite figure out how they work.”

“Are you asking for my help, Ms. Lance?” Sara could practically feel the smirk and raised eyebrow that she was sure Ava had on her face at that moment.

“No!” There was silence from the other girl. “Okay. Yes.”

“Well, Ms. Lance, even someone as uncultured as you should know that _the limit does not exist_.” Sara was shocked but grinned widely.

“Ava Sharpe! Did you just make a Mean Girls reference?” She could hear Ava chuckle and she smiled, liking the easy banter that was flowing between them. She could get used to being on friendly terms with the other girl.

They talked about Calculus for about another hour. Sara felt kind of guilty for using Ava to keep her mind off of her dad, but she had been super helpful when Sara had a panic attack, and Sara had a feeling that she wouldn’t mind helping even if she knew what was going on. When she ran out of things to ask Ava about, Sara finally gave up.

“Well, I guess I should let you get back to whatever important shit you were doing before. Thanks for answering my questions, I definitely think I understand what’s going on a lot more now.” She could feel the rising panic at the thought of being alone with her thoughts again, but she pushed it down so Ava wouldn’t notice.

“It’s no problem. Thanks for giving me some quotes. If you need any more help with your calc stuff, or any other class that I’ve taken, let me know. I’m always happy to share my knowledge.”

“Alright, smarty pants, I’ll keep that in mind.” Sara smirked, knowing that Ava didn’t have any idea that Sara was the one directly below her in terms of AP classes taken. She liked that people underestimated her, and she was sure that at some point Ava would find out. Sara couldn’t wait to see the look on her face.

“Bye, Sara.”

“Later, dude.” Sara could hear the indignant huff that Ava gave at being called that before she hung up, and she grinned. Just because they were becoming friends didn’t mean she couldn’t still enjoy getting a rise out of the other girl.

Sara had expected to immediately feel the emotions that she had been repressing all afternoon when she hung up on Ava, but she was surprised to note that she was still in a relatively happy mood. Maybe the calculus really had taken her mind off of things. She finished working on the problems they had been assigned that night and didn’t think about her dad at all.

 

* * *

 

Sara had no idea how much work being sort of friends with Ava Sharpe would be. She and Ava had texted back and forth several times that weekend, an attempt on Sara’s part to continue distracting herself, and each time Ava had lectured her on properly preparing for the upcoming midterms. It wasn’t that Sara hadn’t intended to study, but she definitely wasn’t at Ava’s level of intensity or structure. Ava apparently had all of her classes laid out with the amount of time she needed to dedicate to it, as well as the material she needed to review in order of importance. How she knew any of that was beyond Sara, but she welcomed the added distraction.

Zari and Amaya were in most of the same classes, and while they were in some advanced courses, they weren’t on Sara’s level as far as the rigor of the material went. So, Sara had arranged to study with Ava on Tuesday, the day before her inevitable breakdown, and she was hoping that if nothing else, Ava would be able to help calm her down if her emotions got the best of her.

On Monday, Amaya had asked if she wanted to study with them, but Sara politely declined, saying that she didn’t want to be a third wheel to their study time in addition to their couple-y tendencies.

When she got home that night, Sara decided that she was going to try to organize her materials like Ava, or at least something similar, so that when they studied, she wouldn’t seem totally unprepared. She laid out her classwork, and realized she only actually had to study for a few classes, AP Calc and AP Bio, as well as her independent study chemistry class. It was basically the same thing as the AP Chem class, but she had to do all of the labs by herself since it didn’t fit into her schedule. Because she did the labs in the period before everyone else, she ended up being the guinea pig for the chemistry teacher, Mr. Wells.

She hadn’t actually blown anything up yet, but there had definitely been a few close calls. Mr. Wells did his best to keep an eye on her, but he had a sophomore class that period that required most of his attention to control, so most of the time she was left alone. She didn’t mind too much, but sometimes she wished she had a sounding board for some of the more complex equations.

Though, too be fair, the alternative would mean she would have to be in a group with other people in AP Chem. God, what if she had to be in a group with Ava? She was starting to like her fine, but she couldn’t imagine having to listen to Ava’s probably incessant recitation of the safety rules and lab instructions.

Once Sara had gathered everything she would need for the next day’s study session, she organized the material by class and did her best to sort it chronologically. Once she had done that, she decided to go ahead and sleep since she knew the next day would probably get pretty intense with what she knew of Ava’s study habits.

But sleep didn’t come easily. In fact, it barely came at all. Sara was up most of the night, thoughts about her dad swirling around in her head. She couldn’t help but think that even after basically turning her life around and getting her shit together, her dad would still be disappointed in her. She was sure that wherever he was, he hated her for what she said to him the night before he died, and now, no matter what she did, she would never be able to make it up to him.

 

* * *

 

 

Sara eventually drifted off in the early morning hours, and when her alarm rang, it felt like it had been mere minutes since she closed her eyes. School that day was a struggle, and Sara found herself unable to focus on the test reviews that most of her teachers were going over. She knew that Amaya and Zari could tell that something was going on, but they never asked her about it, which she was grateful for. She wasn’t sure that she could’ve explained it even if she wanted to.

In her daze, Sara hadn’t really paid Ava any attention in the classes they shared, so when they met up at Rip’s office that afternoon, Sara did a double take. Ava was wearing her hair down. It was _so_ long and wavy and Sara was instantly jealous. She was also not sure that she had ever seen Ava with her hair out of its usual bun before. It looked really pretty.

Sara pulled her eyes away before Ava could catch her staring, saying to the tall girl, “Hey, Sharpie. You ready for this?”

 “The real question is, are _you_ ready for this, Lance? If you thought you didn’t like me before, just wait until I make you recite all of the definitions of a derivative to me from memory ten times.”

Sara faked a gasp and laid her hand on her chest dramatically, saying, “You _wouldn’t_.”

“Oh, I would. And I will. You should’ve thought of this before you signed up to spend an entire night with me.”

“Jeez, Ava, buy a girl dinner first.” Ava looked at her, a blush rising up her neck.

“I didn’t- you know that’s not what I meant.” Sara smirked at her. “Whatever. Anyway, like I was saying, you definitely shouldn’t have signed up for this unless you’re willing to work your ass off. We have a lot of work to do to get you ready for your calculus midterm if the other night is anything to go by.”

Sara, unwilling to admit that her “confusion” the week before was just a ploy to keep thinking about anything other than her father, just smiled tightly and nodded. Before she could think of something else to say, the door to Rip’s office swung open.

Principal Savage walked out.

He eyed Sara suspiciously, a malevolent glint in his eyes, before turning to shake Rip’s hand and walk out into the gym where all of the students waiting to leave for the day had gathered.

“I swear that man has it out for you, Sara.” Rip muttered as he watched the principal leave. “I don’t know why he can’t see that you’ve matured enough to stop with all of the ridiculous pranks, but I guess he just holds grudges.”

“I mean, I can’t say I blame him for being suspicious.” Sara and Rip turned to Ava, who raised her eyebrows defensively. “I’m just saying. You and your merry band of idiots did some messed up stuff back in the day.”

Sara rolled her eyes but shrugged. “Whatever, dude. Let’s get this show on the road.”

Once they got to the house, the two girls said bye to Rip and headed upstairs to Sara’s room. Sara pulled out the study material that she had gathered the night before as Ava settled herself at the desk in the far corner of the room.

“Okay, Sara. How do you want to do this?” Ava pulled out several binders, each looking like it was perfectly arranged and beautifully labeled.

“I mean, we should probably start with calculus if that’s okay with you. That’s what I’m struggling with the most and I’d like to have as much time to figure it out as possible. Once we’re done with that, we can kind of do our own thing until we need to ask questions or whatever.” Sara glanced at the binders again. “Those are kind of intense. How do you even have time to do that?”

Ava looked down at her hands and bit her lip. “I don’t know. I guess it just… takes my mind off of things which I definitely need sometimes.” She shrugged, evidently uncomfortable with the topic, so Sara moved on.

“Okay, so. Explain this whole “calculus” thing.” Ava looked up, incredulous. “Kidding, dude. You should’ve seen your face. All I’m really having trouble with is the partial derivative section. Like, I get how to do the regular ones and even the integrals mostly, but I don’t understand how you can take a partial derivative or why you would want to.”

“That I can work with. Let’s walk through some of the problems from the study guide.”

They spent the next hour and a half going over the sheet of problems that Dr. Bennett had given the class on Monday. Finally, after a lot of struggling and complaining about the creation of math, Sara felt like she was really getting it. They decided to move on to working separately, so Sara settled in with her AP Bio book. She figured that there were so many definitions and things she had to memorize that she should probably go through the chapters and make notes of what seemed important.

After she had been doing that for a while, she glanced over at Ava to see if she was still working on the same thing. Sara noticed that Ava had a kind of puzzled expression on her face, her mouth noiselessly sounding out the words she was reading as though they were in a foreign language.

It was kind of cute.

“You good, Ava?” Sara watched Ava’s head jerk toward her as her cheeks turned pink.

“Oh, um, yeah. I’m fine.”

Sara raised an eyebrow at her. “You sure? You look like you’re a little lost.”

“It’s nothing. I’m just a little confused about one of the AP Chem questions on the last lab.” Ava sighed defeatedly, her fingers beginning to twirl a strand of hair. “My group got it right, but I wasn’t completely getting the concept and I didn’t want them to think I didn’t know.”

“Which one? I did pretty well on that one, I might be able to help.”

Ava stared at her.

“What? I did! I usually do pretty okay in that class, aside from the titration the first week. I swear my burette was broken.”

“Sara, you’re not _in_ AP Chemistry. How would you do well in a class you aren’t even a part of?” Sara rolled her eyes as Ava continued to look at her with utter confusion.

“Well I’m not in class with the rest of you, I’m doing it independent study since it didn’t work out with the rest of my schedule.”

Ava’s eyes widened. “You’re the one Mr. Wells was talking about this whole time?”

“What? He talks about me?”

“Yeah! He keeps telling us about this one student who is taking the class outside the normal time. His “guinea pig” is what he calls you. He said you’re the best student he’s had in years.”

Sara felt her face get warm. She knew that Wells liked her, but for him to say that she was his best student… “The bar must be pretty low then. I think I’ve almost destroyed like half of his equipment. That doesn’t even take into account all of the AP Bio labs where I almost broke his microscope.”

Ava’s jaw dropped. “AP Bio? How are you in all of these advanced classes and I didn’t know about it?” Her eyes narrowed. “Wait, how many AP classes _have_ you taken?”

“I think including this year I’ll be up to ten.” Ava sat in shocked silence for almost a minute. Sara imagined that she could see the gears turning in her head as she tried to process that Sara was actually pretty smart. She finally turned a raised eyebrow to Sara.

“So. You’re the one who is trying to edge me out of the valedictorian spot.”

“What? No.” Ava didn’t look like she believed her. “Dude- sorry, Ava- I don’t want to be valedictorian. I don’t know if you remember sophomore year, but the grades I got took away any chance of that, even if we had taken the same number of AP classes. And as far as I know you’re still up by two of those.”

“How do you know that?”

“I pay attention. I just act like I don’t. Gotta keep my rep, ya know?” Ava rolled her eyes. “And anyway, even if we were at all on the same level, I just want my GPA to be good enough to get me into wherever I go for soccer. I know I can get in somewhere decent with my soccer skills, and I wouldn’t want to take away anyone else’s opportunity to get out of this place.”

“Wow, athletic, smart, _and_ humble I see.”

“Oh, shut up.” Sara glared at Ava. She wasn’t sure how that information was going to change the way that Ava acted around her, but she hoped that it wouldn’t be weird. “Please don’t tell anyone else about it, though. And I don’t want it to be a thing between us either. Just act like you still think I’m an idiot.”

“That won’t be too hard. Just keep talking and I’ll be fine.” Ava chuckled at the dark look Sara sent her and then turned back to her Chem book. “Okay then, smarty pants, tell me how to determine the number of moles needed for this redox reaction.”

  

* * *

 

 

Once Ava went home for the night, Sara did her best not to think about the next day. She knew that school would be hellish, and she didn’t want to give up the brief feeling of relief that hanging out with Ava had given her. She felt exhausted but wasn’t eager for the next day to arrive just yet.

In an attempt to prolong the time before _that_ day, Sara pulled out her journal, an old, leather-bound book that Laurel had given her for her birthday. She flipped through the pages, remembering some of the entries that she had written before the day that Laurel died. Once she passed that day, though, she started seeing all of the ones she wrote leading up to her dad’s death. She closed the journal quickly, unsure why she had opened it in the first place.

Sara looked at the clock. Only 9:45. She didn’t want to go to sleep yet.

Sara dropped to the floor and began doing push-ups, her mind still racing with thoughts of her sister and dad. Once she had done about 50, though, her muscles started burning with the effort, and her mind went blissfully blank.

 When she woke up the next morning, Sara knew it was going to be a bad day. Her arms and abs hurt, and she could feel the dark clouds creeping into her head, threatening to make her break down before the day even started. She trudged downstairs, not sure if she was going to be able to face Rip and Gideon, but when she got to the kitchen she saw that it was empty except for a plate with some toast and a note that said, “Love you, kiddo” in Rip’s handwriting. She ate the toast with some jam, got ready for school, and then slowly made her way to the high school, arriving a few minutes after the second bell.

When Sara walked into the yearbook classroom, she immediately regretted coming to school that day. She saw a group of freshmen cowering at a table while Ava scolded them, something about not handling equipment correctly. Kuasa and Nora didn’t look happy either, and everyone else in the room looked like they wanted to be anywhere but there. The atmosphere was tense, and the noise Sara made while entering seemed as loud as a gunshot.

When she heard the door open and shut, Ava looked up from her tirade and glared at Sara. “Well, thank you for joining us this morning, Ms. Lance. Glad to see that these freshmen have good role models for professional behavior, as I’m sure that it’s this kind of example that led them to mishandle the camera lens and break a $400 piece of equipment yesterday afternoon.” With another hard stare at Sara, she turned her attention back to lecturing the other kids.

Sara could feel her face heat up and looked down at the floor, her heart beating harder in her chest. She sat down at her chosen table in the back, afraid to look back at Ava. The yelling stopped a few minutes later, and the room went back to its normal steady hum of activity. The freshmen were clearly still shaken, because none of them were anywhere close to their usual volume or energy level. Sara worked quietly for the whole class. She didn’t think she could take any more of Ava being upset with her, so she did her best not to draw attention to herself.

Unfortunately, the project she was supposed to be working on was the girls’ soccer page. She obviously hadn’t been the one to take the pictures since she was on the field the whole time, but she had been assigned to format the page and arrange all of the pictures.

The very first picture she pulled up was one from the game against Central City, a shot of her being dragged to the group by Gwen. Gwen, to whom she had apparently confessed her deepest, darkest secret, something that she had never told another living soul. Sara felt the urge to throw up, but she kept it down. She had to get through the day.

However, when yearbook ended and Sara got to calculus, she could feel her chest start to get tight and she knew that she didn’t have very long before she had a full-blown panic attack. Even though Dr. Bennett had already started his lecture, she got up and walked out of the class without saying a word to anyone.

There was only one place she could go without fear of someone witnessing her breakdown, so she walked briskly toward the library, trying not to run as she texted Amaya, asking her to meet her there if she could.

Once again, she waved off Mr. West’s offer of help and locked herself in the study room. She knew that Amaya would be able to get in with Joe’s key if she came. Sara could feel the panic in her throat, her chest rising and falling quickly with the effort it took to get any air into her lungs. She shut her eyes tightly as she tried to keep herself from hyperventilating.

A key turned in the lock. Without looking up, Sara started rambling. “I don’t know if you know what day it is, ‘Maya, but it’s officially been two years since my dad died and I think I’m losing it. I don’t know how to move on because in the two years since he’s been gone, I haven’t been able to admit the truth to anyone. It’s my fault he’s dead. It’s my fault that he overdosed that night. Sure, he had a problem, but I’m the one who- who told him that I didn’t want him around anymore. I told him that I would be better off without him and his addictions, that I wished it had been him who died instead of Laurel...”

Sara took a breath.

“But the truth is, I wish it had been me. I wish I had died instead of my sister because then my family wouldn’t have fallen apart. My parents would still be together, my sister would be off saving the world, and they would’ve been sad, but it wouldn’t have taken them this long to get over it.” Sara stopped talking, her hands shaking and her throat beginning to get hoarse with the effort it took not to sob. There was silence.

“Say something, ‘Maya. I know you probably don’t want to be friends anymore, but-” Sara looked up as she spoke, wanting to see the look on Amaya’s face. But Amaya wasn’t there. Instead, she was looking into the shocked, confused face of Ava Sharpe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Being away for so long has made me even more desperate for validation, so please leave a comment telling me what you thought, good, bad, or anything else.


	11. just don't let me disappear (i'mma tell you everything)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava learns more about Sara's past. There's a soccer game and some questions that Ava needs to answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy!

Ava knew something was wrong with Sara when she didn’t rise to her snide tone in yearbook that morning, but she didn’t know what it was. Sara had seemed fine the night before while they were studying and had even been playfully joking around with Ava about their academic prowess. That morning, though, Sara had seemed much different.

So, when Sara ran out of calculus without a word, Ava wasn’t surprised. She had noticed Sara’s habit of running away when she was struggling with something, so when Dr. Bennett moved to follow her, Ava motioned him away and said that she would track Sara down.

She followed Sara to the library, noting how she waved off the questioning look that the librarian gave her and shut herself into a room in the back, one that Ava knew no one was allowed to enter. Ava heard the sound of the lock turning and knew that trying to open it wouldn’t work. She approached the desk where Mr. West sat, looking concerned, and said, “Excuse me, sir. Do you happen to have a key to that room?” She gestured to where the man was already looking. “Sara asked me to meet her in there and said you would be able to help.” Ava felt a little bad about lying to a staff member, but her concern for Sara outweighed her need to follow the rules.

“Oh. Hello again, Ms. Sharpe. Yeah, here’s my key. I hope you can help her.” The look on his face was knowing, and Ava wondered just how many times he had seen Sara lock herself in that room.

Ava made her way to the study room, slowly unlocking it and trying not to do anything that would startle the girl inside. Sara started talking before Ava could say anything, not even looking at her as she rambled about her dad dying and thinking that it was her fault. Ava barely had time to process everything that came out before Sara said, “Say something, ‘Maya. I know you probably don’t want to be friends anymore, but-”

Sara looked up at Ava, clearly expecting to see Amaya standing there. Ava felt a little guilty for having heard the speech that was definitely not meant for her, but she did her best to school her features into a less shocked expression as Sara’s eyes went wide.

“Fuck. Ava. I- I didn’t mean for you to hear that.” Sara’s panic shifted to confusion as her eyebrows drew together and she said, “What are you doing here?”

“You seem to be asking me that a lot lately.” Ava didn’t intend to make a joke, and she regretted her amused tone when Sara frowned at her. “Sorry. I just thought that whatever reason you had for leaving class so abruptly might not be something you wanted to share with Dr. Bennett. It seems like I was right.”

Sara still didn’t look like she was glad Ava was standing there. She pulled out her phone and checked the screen, her frown deepening. “Shit.”

“What?”

“I asked Amaya to meet me in here, but she has a test this period. That’s why I thought you were her.”

“Oh, um, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” Ava looked down at her hands, fidgeting while she tried to figure out what to say to Sara. “I can leave if you want me to. I’ll tell Dr. Bennett you weren’t feeling good, that you went to the nurse or something.”

“No!” Sara’s already wide eyes flashed with panic again. Apparently being alone was worse than being stuck with Ava. She looked shocked at her own outburst, and quickly said, “Sorry. If you don’t mind… would you maybe… stay with me? Totally fine if you can’t. You probably have to get back to class. Sorry.”

Ava knew she couldn’t leave Sara alone like that. What she wasn’t sure of was whether or not she should be the one to stay with her. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have one of your friends in here? I can go have Mr. West call one of them down here.”

Sara looked for a moment like she might agree, but then frowned and said, “No. There was a reason that I asked Amaya to come. She and Z are the only ones who have ever really seen me like this and I know Z is in the same class Amaya is right now. There’s no way she could come. Plus,” Sara looked up at Ava and smiled sadly, “Now you know the most horrible thing about me. Can’t get any worse than that, huh?”

Ava stepped fully into the room and closed the door behind her. She moved to a spot against the wall a couple feet from where Sara was slumped on the floor and sat down. Sara didn’t say anything for a few minutes, and Ava decided to let her set the pace for whether or not they talked about what Sara had said.

Finally, after a couple of tentative glances at Ava, who was making it a point not to stare at Sara, she spoke. “So. I guess you probably want to know what the hell I was talking about.”

Ava shrugged. “Only if you want to talk about it. No pressure.”

“No, it’s fine.” Sara sighed. “I need to talk about it. I know I do. It’s getting harder and harder to deal with on my own.” Sara stopped and fixed Ava with a glare. “Just to be clear, none of what I’m saying right now leaves this room. You might run this school, but I do still know some people.”

“Yes, my ass is very aware of that.” Sara just smirked at her.

“Good. Just wanted to make sure we were on the same page. Anyway, like I said when you first came in, today is two years since my dad died.” Sara’s voice wavered, and Ava extended a hand across the gap between them. Sara allowed her to lightly grasp her hand before continuing. “It was bad when Laurel died. Mom lost it. Dad blamed himself. Everyone at school either pitied me or talked about me behind my back. I kind of lost my way for a while too.” Sara smiled sadly.

“But then, for a little while there I thought we were going to pull through. Mom had moved away, so she and dad weren’t fighting anymore. They just didn’t talk. I started doing better. I never let my grades slip, even when Laurel died because I knew that she would’ve been disappointed if I did anything less than my best, but I wasn’t doing well emotionally or socially. I had shut myself off from everyone because I didn’t want them to know how I really felt. I kept feeling like the wrong sister had died. Like it should’ve been me. But I started writing down my feelings in a journal that Laurel gave me and it really helped.”

Taking a deep breath, Sara continued. “I thought everything was getting better, but then my dad started staying really late at work all the time. He got really distant, and I didn’t know what was going on. At one point he didn’t come home for like a week, and I found out from Joe that he had been sleeping in his office. I thought he was avoiding me because he felt the same way I did. Like I should’ve been the one to die instead of Laurel.”

“She just had so much going for her, you know? She was so smart and funny; she could make a whole room of people fall in love with her just with her smile. She was going to save the world.” Sara’s eyes got distant, and Ava wondered if she was imagining Laurel’s future would have been like.

“I felt like he blamed me, like he was trying to pretend I was gone too because he couldn’t stand to be reminded that the wrong person had survived. Then, when he started coming home again, he always came home drunk. Sometimes he went to work drunk too. That lasted about three months, and I started to go back to the bad place I had been right after Laurel died. It kept getting worse, and I didn’t know what to do. Finally, I broke and I-” Sara’s face crumpled and Ava could see all of hurt and sadness that she had been trying to conceal. “I told him that he was no good to anyone like that, that I didn’t want him around and sometimes I wished he had been the one to- to die.”

Tears started streaming down Sara’s face and she wiped furiously at her eyes, gasping for breath as she started crying harder. Ava’s heart ached for Sara and the burden that she had been carrying alone for so long. She moved closer to Sara, still holding her hand, and touched her shoulder to the other girl’s. Then, she let go of Sara’s hand, causing her to look up at Ava with concern, but Ava just wrapped her arm around Sara’s shoulders, feeling them tremble and shake with the force of her sobs.

They sat there for several long minutes, the only sounds in the room the broken, ragged noise of Sara’s crying and the hum of the fluorescent lights in the ceiling. Ava pulled the other girl in tighter, hoping that the weight of her arm and the pressure of her hug would help calm Sara down. Eventually, Sara’s sobs quieted, and she laid her head on Ava’s shoulder. When she spoke, it was almost too low for Ava to hear.

“Do you hate me?”

“What?” Ava’s eyes widened in surprise. “No, Sara. Of course I don’t hate you.”

Sara scoffed like she didn’t believe her.

“Actually, I need to tell you something.” She felt Sara nod against her shoulder. “I should’ve told you when it happened, but I was afraid that you would be mad at me again.” Ava took a deep breath before continuing. “A few weeks ago, after your soccer game against Central City, I was walking past the locker room looking for Rip. I saw you get pulled into a closet by that one girl that looked like she was trying to murder you all game. Gwen. I didn’t mean to, but I overheard what she said to you...” Sara sat up suddenly and stared at Ava. “Well, part of it anyway. So, to be honest, what you said when you thought I was Amaya wasn’t really new information for me.”

“What the fuck, dude? Why did you eavesdrop?”

“I didn’t mean to! I promise. I was walking past and the next thing I knew she was saying all the stuff about your dad and then I realized you were upset, obviously, and so I didn’t want you to be even more upset that I knew so I pretended that I hadn’t heard and I told you that Rip’s office was empty because I knew you would need to go somewhere and then I threatened Gwen to keep quiet about your dad and then I went and found Amaya and Zari so you wouldn’t have to be alone and-” Sara cut her off just as Ava was beginning to run out of breath.

“Whoa, whoa, slow down. You did what?”

“You’re going to have to be more specific. I just said a lot of stuff.” Ava bit her lip, hoping that she hadn’t just ruined their new friendship.

“You _threatened_ Gwen?” Sara’s jaw had dropped, and she looked like she was going to cry.

“Um, yes? Should I not have? I’m really sorry, I just didn’t think you would want everyone to know. I figured that was your business.” Ava’s eyebrows drew together, and she tried to figure out what Sara was thinking since she was still just staring back at her in astonishment.

Just when Ava was about to say something else, Sara threw her arms around Ava’s neck and pulled her into a tight hug. She could feel something wet on her neck as she tentatively wrapped her own arms around Sara’s waist, hugging her back as best she could with the awkward position they were in.

Sara held the hug for a few minutes and Ava guessed she was trying to get her emotions under control. When she pulled back, wiping at her eyes, Ava saw that her cheeks were red. She looked up at the ceiling to allow Sara time to recover. When she finally looked at her, Sara said, “Thank you, Ava. I couldn’t figure out why nothing ever happened with that. I kept waiting for everyone to freak out and abandon me, but no one ever said anything, so I assumed Gwen was just full of shit. I can’t believe you threatened her for me. We weren’t even really friends at that point, right?”

“Just because we weren’t friends doesn’t mean I would actively let someone like that ruin your life, Sara. I know you think, or thought at least, that I’m a cold-hearted bitch, but even I wouldn’t do something like that.”

“I never thought that.” Ava raised one eyebrow pointedly.

“Not even when I said that stuff about your family?” Sara rolled her eyes at Ava.

“Okay, yeah, that was bad. But other than that, you haven’t ever been straight up mean. I thought you were a little uptight- okay, a lot uptight- but I know you’re a good person.” Ava scoffed a little. “Dude, Aves, you actually punched your ex because he was making fun of your best friend. You told Principal Savage that I had nothing to do with the chair thing even though for all you knew I did. I actually respect you a lot for that shit.”

Ava looked at her, surprised.

“But if you tell anyone, I’ll kill you.”

“There she is.”

“Oh, shut up.” Sara looked at her phone. “Shit, we should probably go back to class. It’s about to end.”

“Yeah, Dr. Bennett is probably wondering what happened to us.” They both stood up, adjusting their clothes. As Sara reached for the door handle, Ava said, “Hey, Sara?” She turned back to look at her. “Just for the record, I won’t tell anyone what you told me today. And I’m here if you need to talk about it more. You know, since I already know?”

Sara smiled at her. “Thanks. I might just take you up on that.”

 

* * *

 

 

In the week following their talk in the library, Ava noticed that Sara was more relaxed than she ever had been in her presence. She wasn’t sure how the rest of that day had gone for Sara, but she hoped that being able to share her secret with someone helped to ease some of the pain and guilt that Sara had been feeling.

Another thing that Ava had realized when she recalled everything had been said in the library was that, when Sara was talking about the time she punched Jonah, she had called her Aves.

And Ava had barely even noticed.

No one was allowed to call her that except her dad, and even he didn’t do it very often. Ava had been stunned when she realized, and she made a mental note to say something to Sara if she did it again.

Because of the decreased tension in her interactions with Sara, Ava accepted an invitation by Rip to join him, Gideon, and Sara for dinner after their soccer game that Friday. They were playing a team that Ava wasn’t familiar with, and she didn’t necessarily need any more pictures for the yearbook page, but she found that she was actually looking forward to just watching the team play.

When Friday evening rolled around, she made her way down from the library, where she had been working on a paper for her English Lit class, to the soccer field. It wasn’t as packed as it had been for the Central City game, but Ava thought that the turnout was still pretty good. She sat toward the front, next to Kuasa’s parents and a blonde girl who Ava quickly recognized as Kuasa’s girlfriend Helen.

“Hello! You’re Ava, right?” Helen smiled at her, throwing her a quick wave. “We met at a party a while back I think.”

“Yeah, that’s right.” Ava grinned at the cute way Helen squinted as she tried to remember when they had actually been introduced. “It was last year after prom.”

“Oh yeah! How is your boyfriend? The baseball player?”

Ava grimaced. “We broke up actually. Found out he was a pretty shitty dude.”

“Oh, that’s unfortunate. I’m sorry.” Helen looked genuinely apologetic, and Ava couldn’t help but chuckle.

“No worries, I was pretty much just looking for a reason to break up with him.” Helen laughed at that too. “Enough about him though, how are you? Kuasa talks about you a lot, but it’s pretty much just ‘Wow, my girlfriend is so awesome and funny and gorgeous,’ and while those things are absolutely true, it’s not really a lot of info.”

Helen laughed again and told Ava about everything she had been up to in the past six months while they waited for the game to start. Apparently, in addition to being the cheerleading captain for her school, Helen had become an active member of the local taekwondo school and had been progressing through the belts pretty quickly.

“It’s honestly the funniest thing I’ve ever seen, the looks on the boys’ faces when they get taken down or punched by a girl. Especially one who looks like me. It’s half of the reason I kept going after the first couple of times.” Ava could imagine the shock and horror that surely would’ve painted the faces of the boys Helen sparred with. She often regretted giving up on her kung fu classes as a kid, but she had done so at her mother’s insistence that she learn how to be a proper young lady and give up on her tomboyish ways.

As they were talking, the team began emerging onto the field a few players at a time. She saw Rip and Zari walking out in front, clearly discussing strategy if their wild gesticulating was anything to go by. They were followed by some younger girls that Ava wasn’t familiar with, probably the JV team. Then came Kuasa, who turned and waved at Helen and her parents, and Sara who looked to see who she was waving at and smiled when she saw Helen. She also nodded at Ava when she caught sight of her next to Helen. They made their way over to the bench as the rest of the team filed out behind them.

Ava turned to continue her conversation with Helen but realized that the other girl had become incredibly distracted by the sight of her girlfriend warming up on the field. She chuckled a little and Helen turned toward her with a light smile.

“What can I say? My girlfriend is _hot_.” They shared a laugh and then Helen said, “Honestly, soccer players are the most attractive type of athlete. I mean, aside from my girlfriend, even on this field there are several girls that I would absolutely go for if I was single. I’ve been trying to set one of my friends up with Sara for ages, but she isn’t really the dating type. My friend, that is. Not Sara.”

“I don’t think Sara is either.” Ava replied. “From what I’ve seen she seems like kind of a player.”

“I don’t know if I agree. Something about her tells me she would treat a girl right.” Helen turned to her with a raised eyebrow. “You sound like you’ve considered it, though. Do you fancy Sara Lance?”

“I’m straight.” Ava replied, rolling her eyes at the thought of her being into someone as incredibly irritating as Sara Lance.

“That’s not a no. You can be straight and still think she’s cute.” Helen smirked at her and continued. “Come on, you know you think so.”

“She’s not… unattractive. I guess.” Ava wasn’t sure why the other girl was pressing the issue so much. So what if Ava thought that Sara was attractive? Not that she did. It’s not like Ava would ever even consider dating her.

Aside from the fact that she was straight, Ava had a type, and Sara didn’t fit it. Ava liked strong, kind people, people who could hold their own in a conversation with her, whether intellectual or otherwise. Ava liked people who knew what they wanted from life, who didn’t conform to society the way she did. She wanted someone who could pull her out of her shell, but also someone who would be content to join her in there.

That didn’t sound at all like Sara, right?

Then again, it didn’t much sound like Jonah, either.

Helen was just staring at her, a knowing look that Ava didn’t want to understand painted on her face.

Ava turned back to the field to avoid continuing that line of discussion at exactly the wrong moment. The team had just finished their last drill and all of the players were clustered around the bench to get drinks before lining up. As Ava turned her head, she caught sight of Sara who had lifted the bottom hem of her jersey to wipe at the sweat on her face, giving Ava a very clear view of her abs. Her ridiculously defined abs that were shiny with sweat.

Ava felt her face heat as Helen’s words swam through her mind again and again.

Whatever. Ava could appreciate that Sara Lance had a nice body without being attracted to her. That was fine. Totally normal.

The referees called for the starters to line up with them on the field and after the announcer had called all of their names, they shook hands and ran to their spots on the field.

Unconsciously, Ava’s eyes tracked Sara throughout the whole process, and they didn’t stray even once the game had begun. As usual, Sara was a fierce presence on the field. She shouted instructions and directed her team with a confidence that allowed no one to question her authority.

The team they were playing didn’t seem to have any of the coordination that Star City had, especially in the back, so it was relatively easy for Sara, Julia, and Kuasa to get some good shots on goal. Sara scored twice in the first 20 minutes, and it was easy to see that she was enjoying herself. Her first goal was a header with an assist from Kuasa, and when it went in, she ran to the center mid and picked her up, spinning Kuasa around as the rest of her teammates slapped her on the back and congratulated her.

Sara’s second goal was even more exciting. The other team seemed to realize that she was the one they should be worried about, so anytime she was anywhere near the box, two or three of them would leave whomever they were guarding and mark Sara.

That made it even more satisfying when Julia got the ball and was taking it all the way up the field, past her unmarked teammates, far outpacing the girl who was supposed to be guarding her, and into the box.

Sara saw her progress and feinted like she was getting into position to the left of the box, but just as Julia took her shot, Sara darted inside. The keeper had been tracking Julia too, and was ready for the shot. She dove and it bounced off of her outstretched hands. Sara had just slightly misjudged her own timing, so when the ball reached her, so did one of the defenders she had shaken. She pulled it away, her footwork coming as naturally as breathing, and tapped the ball into the goal with her heel behind the charging defender.

The spectators roared with the team as they rushed Sara again. When they ran to get back into position, Ava saw Sara look at the cheering crowd with a radiant smile and she felt herself smiling back.

There were a couple more goals before half time, but Sara didn’t score again and Ava felt herself losing interest. As the girls left the field for their halftime meeting, Sara caught Ava’s attention and winked at her, flexing her arms and posing. Ava just scoffed and rolled her eyes, making a shooing motion at her as she walked past. She heard Helen laugh at her and she pointedly turned away from Sara, hoping that she wasn’t blushing as she looked at Helen. Not because she was right, but because she so very wrong. There was nothing happening.

“So, Helen, what are your plans for college?”

Helen smirked at her, but Ava kept her face schooled into a look of polite interest. Eventually, it seemed like Helen gave up trying to insinuate something, and they fell into a conversation about future plans.

 

* * *

 

When she got to the restaurant after the game, a family owned pizza place that was a local favorite, Ava felt herself relax a little. She was always anxious after evening activities, soccer games or otherwise, because it usually meant she had to go home and take the chance that her mother would be there waiting to criticize her for something. She was grateful to Rip for inviting her, whether he knew that she didn’t want to go home or not, though she had a feeling that he did and intentionally kept her from having to do so.

She and Sara had left the school at the same time, a little before Rip since he had to stay and take care of a couple things before he could be finished for the evening. They got a table and sat down to wait for the other two.

Ava could feel the energy still radiating from Sara after the successful game and she couldn’t deny that it was infectious. Her whole body seemed to light up in response to the way Sara was still smiling at everything, her blue eyes flashing and seeming to have a smile all of their own. They sat in silence for a minute, each girl distracted by their own phone. Finally, after responding to one of Nora’s texts regarding a yearbook page, Ava set her phone down and looked at Sara again.

“You did well tonight, Sara. Those were some pretty nice goals.” Ava didn’t want to give away how much Sara was affecting her because she knew that it would elicit endless teasing and Ava didn’t want to deal with that in that moment.

“Pretty nice? That’s it? Those goals were amazing.” Sara narrowed her eyes in mock offense as she replied, phone still in hand.

“I mean they were okay. Nothing to write home about.” Ava smirked, waiting for Sara to rise to her playful insult. She knew the moment Sara took the bait because she pocketed her phone, and leaned back in her chair, hands clasped behind her head.

“Dude, don’t even. I know you were impressed.”

Ava rolled her eyes, exasperated. “What have I said about calling me ‘dude?’”

“Yeah, yeah. My bad, Aves.” Sara shook her head and Ava remembered that she wanted to say something to Sara about calling her that, but just as she was about to open her mouth, Rip and Gideon walked in and Sara waved them over.

“Hello, ladies. Did you all already order?” Rip smiled at all of them, clearly happy that he had arranged the little meeting.

“No, Rip. _This one_ ,” Sara gestured at Ava with her thumb, “was trying to tell me that she wasn’t impressed by any of the goals tonight.” She rolled her eyes at Ava again, one eyebrow raised in obvious disbelief.

“That’s not what I said Sara,” Ava countered. “There were several impressive goals, I just didn’t consider _yours_ that impressive.” She smirked, again waiting for Sara to rise to the bait.

Instead, Gideon jumped in. “I don’t know how anyone,” she glared pointedly at Ava, “couldn’t see that you were the most talented player on the field tonight, Sara. I have absolutely no doubt that some of the top colleges here in the U.S. are already trying to recruit you.” She kept staring Ava down like she would fight her if Ava disagreed.

Ava started to feel like she should leave, but then Sara said, “It’s cool, Gideon, I know she doesn’t mean it. She just thinks I’m hot when I argue with her.” She winked at Ava who just groaned and buried her face in her hands. She felt Sara poke at her shoulder, and she looked up, seeing the playful grin on her face widen as Ava glared at her. “I saw you sitting by Helen during the game. Did you already know her, or did you just meet?”

“Yeah, I met her once at a party at Kuasa’s house. She’s really cool. I already knew she was a cheerleader, but we were talking about martial arts and she said she almost has a black belt in taekwondo, which is awesome. It makes me miss doing kung fu.” Ava smiled wistfully at the table as she fidgeted with her straw wrapper. When she looked up, she saw Sara and Gideon looking at her curiously.

“You used to do kung fu?” Sara asked, both of her eyebrows raised in disbelief.

“Um, yeah? I stopped when I was about 13 because my-” Ava cut herself off, her jaw clenching, unwilling to bring up her mother around Gideon and especially not around Sara, whose expression had become more confused at her hesitation. “I stopped because I started to focus more on school and other, more academic extracurriculars, and I didn’t have time to train.” Ava could feel her cheeks getting hotter the longer they stared at her, and she wished they would stop. She decided that she would try to steer the conversation away from herself.

“So, Rip, when I was talking to Helen, she said that Kuasa was also probably going to be approached by some of the top schools. Has she talked to you about it at all?” Rip grinned back at the mention of Kuasa.

“Yes! She was actually telling me earlier that Penn had been in contact, as well as UCLA. I think her top choice is UNC, but they just recruited an excellent center mid, so I don’t know that they will be looking to fill that position.” Rip shrugged. “Speaking of Penn, have you still been meeting with that one woman? Jennifer, right?”

“Not really,” Ava said. “It was hard enough meeting with her the first time without getting caught, I don’t really want to risk it again.”

“She’s still up your ass about the whole thing?” Ava flinched at the mention of her mother, but figured as long as she didn’t explicitly say her name it would be fine.

“Yeah. Not going to lie, that’s half the reason I’m here right now. It’s really bad on Friday nights because she’s home earlier than usual, and she knows that I’m home because I’m not with Jonah or anyone else.” Ava sighed, picking at the chipping paint on the table in front of her. “I just wish she would leave me alone, you know?”

“Sorry, but what are you two talking about?” Gideon’s voice broke Ava out of the funk she had started to drift into at the mention of her mother.

“Ava’s mom-” Rip started, but at a sharp look from Ava, he fell silent.

“It’s nothing, Gideon. Just my mom, being her typical charming self.” Ava frowned, hoping that Gideon wasn’t going to be annoyed at the mention of her mother. She knew how much she disliked her and wasn’t keen on encouraging Gideon to continue associating her with Karen Sharpe’s opinions.

Gideon looked like she wanted to keep pressing, but Sara’s phone vibrated, interrupted the uncomfortable silence that had descended after Ava’s comment.

Sara pulled it out of her pocket and did a double take at the caller ID, her eyebrows pulling together, a small frown forming on her lips. She stood up from the table, excusing herself, and stepped outside the restaurant, still in plain view from where the other three sat. During the brief conversation that followed, Sara’s expression shifted from confusion to annoyance to sadness, and then back to confusion. She hung up, staring at the phone for a moment before shaking her head as if that would clear up her thoughts. Ava realized that Rip and Gideon had been watching her too, and that they looked equally as concerned as she felt.

When Sara walked back inside, still looking dazed, she noticed the other three staring at her, and she made her way over to them, pocketing her phone and sliding back into her chair.

“You okay?” Ava asked, wondering what could have possibly shaken Sara so badly.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Who was it?” Gideon asked, and Ava was glad. She didn’t feel like it was her place to ask, but she was definitely curious.

“My mom.” Ava, Gideon, and Rip all leaned forward at her shaky words, and Ava could see confusion and concern in equal measure on the faces of the other two. “She wants to talk to me.”

“Well? What did you say?”

“I said yes. We’re going to meet up tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovely readers. Please leave me a comment if you liked this chapter! They help me get a better idea of what you like/want to see more of. Thank you!


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